To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

A bit mixed up, probably. If it was something they really wanted, I'd be happy for them as they'd be following their dreams. I'd be a bit sad for me, knowing seeing them would be much harder. We have family in Australia so they could build closer relationships with them, which would be lovely. For me the memory of my dad's brother who had emigrated becoming suddenly and terribly ill and my dad getting that awful 3am call and having to run around sorting out a loan and leave and flights and so on so he could go to him is very strong. I'd want to have money set aside and plans made so that if my dc ever needed us to get to them there asap we could with minimal disruption.

In general, there are great things about Australia and shite things, same as there are with the UK. If any of my dc want to emigrate it will be their choice and I will support them (as long as it's a reasonable choice and not some sort of "I think North Korea is much maligned I am moving there to take part in their glorious eternal revolution" madness, and will keep my inevitable selfish sadness to myself.

When my daughters were young adults, they were aware that my mother in law used to keep stuff to herself and then play being a martyr.
My DDs asked me to always tell them the truth and be honest about my feelings etc.
Many years later my oldest DD said she was thinking of moving to New Zealand. Initially I said how lovely, but a couple of days later went to have a very honest chat with her about how far away it and how I'd rather she wasn't that far away. (we're talking about 20 yrs ago when keeping in touch electronically wasn't as easy)
She didn't go and has always been grateful for my honesty. However, as the world has got smaller I probably wouldn't feel the same these days.

Devastated would be heart broken. It’s fucking 24 hours flying time.

It’s fucking 24 hours flying time.

And how many thousands of pounds?

I'd wonder why they chose those countries when there are so many other brilliant places in the world to live!
Having moved abroad and raised my family away from grandparents and 'home', I'm kind of expecting (and hoping) that my kids have enough sense of adventure to want to go and and really LIVE their life doing whatever they want to do - and it gives me accommodation in the place that they choose to live and an excuse to explore their chosen country.
This isn't to say you're not really living if you choose to stay put in a home base - it wasn't for me though, and I'd be surprised if my kids find it's for them, either.

In short, OP, I'd be really excited and happy for them and delighted that I'd raised such independent people who are confident to make these sorts of decisions if that's what they want to do. It's so easy to keep in touch electronically - I probably make more of an effort to speak to my parents living abroad than I ever would if we lived in the same city/ country.

Holiday well under a thousand pounds as long as you book a few months in advance and aren't too fussy about dates.

And how many thousands of pounds?

read the thread, I just looked at tickets for 2 adults for less than £600, without doing a proper search.

Of course, if you are elderly, you will want to go less often but business or at least premium economy, but it's not such a huge financial burden, when you see how far it really is.

Farang really?

That would be your reaction? You'd wonder why they chose those countries and not another?

Can't see that being ANYONE'S first reaction at all.

I know of two couples who have done just that, one to each country.

The parents wish them well but are extremely upset that they have gone and taken their grandchildren so far away!

I wish my DD would move to somewhere with better opportunities but I am ridiculously glad she and DGD are so close!

I would be thrilled for them! And happy that I had somewhere to travel to visit them

My Mum's sister went to Oz with her family and 3 kids in her mid 30s. My Mum was left to deal with her elderly Mother who needed a lot of help. I don't think she was too thrilled. It's hard on the siblings who doesn't move.

Sausages and Spam I'm Australian and left there nearly 2 decades ago. I would NEVER want to move back there, and NZ is even more parochial and further away.
Great places to visit, but not to live imho and UNBELIEVABLY expensive (even compared to London).

I think it also depends on your family set up. I don't have anyone that I feel I need to consult when I move around. If I had siblings in my same town and parents that I saw 3 times a week I probably wouldn't have moved. My siblings live abroad and my Dad is engrossed with his girlfriend's family. I didn't feel the need to discuss it or ask for anyones approval.

I'd plan my holidays tbh.
If it's what they want you can't send them on a guilt trip about it, it's not fair.
Our eldest has considered it on more than one occasion.
I'm not sure his partner would leave her family though.

Australia is still a long way away. I moved 5 years ago. I’m lucky enough to be able to get back every year and my parents have money and visited a couple of times. It’s hard and there are always tears when we say goodbye. I miss them but many who move don’t see family for years and don’t return for years - it’s the norm. I only gave 6 months notice of leaving. It’s worked out fine and we are happy here but life is different than either parents or me expected now and I do wish I was closer sometimes (but wouldn’t move back). I do wonder if this will change when I’m older or parents are infirm. I can see it being a real worry being so far away.

I would be very sad, but I’d put a brave face on to my daughter and share my sadness with husband and close friends only.
I felt really sorry for a colleague of mine whose DD did this with her family; they were very close and my colleague had provided regular childcare from birth for the 2 year old. She really struggled but I think she managed not to play martyr with her daughter.
They Skyped regularly andcreturned a couple of years later, to her delight.
I think it’s fine to say “Oh I’ll miss you dreadfully! - But of course I want you do what makes you happy and I’m very proud of you.” However going on and in about your despair risks alienating them.
Anyone in that situation really does have my sympathy, I know a few. It’s missing the grandchildren’s early years that seems to hurt the most. Skyping an 8 month old squishy baby is not as satisfactory as Skyping your sentient, verbal adult child.

Farang what parts of Australia did you live in?

I live in S.A. and it's WONDERFUL.

It's beautiful and the people are lovely. Ok...there's not the same in terms of museums or galleries but there are some...and there are more things to do.

We have way more money living here than we had in England and a much nicer house too.

Gosh I'm genuinely surprised by those on here who would equate their DC moving away with something being wrong with their relationship.

Surely it's the opposite isn't it? That you have given them enough love and security that they can be fairly certain the relationship will survive distance and separation.

(Genuine question, not being snippy!)

This is all so weird to read. At the end of the day Australia is only 24 hours away. I find clingy families so strange, you need to let your children live their lives. I live on the other side of the world to my family and see them every year, arguably for better quality visits than a weekend here or there, which would be the case if we lived closer to each other.

I find this attitude very British. It's totally normal in Australia for people to live elsewhere at least for a couple of years and no one bats an eyelid!

I'd feel sad deep down but I'd be happy for them. The two people I know who made a new life in Australia some years back have a much better life there than they would have had here. I'd make plans to visit as often as I could.

You wouldn't really, juddy, would you? 

NO! But I'd really want to!!

Upset and dread them leaving, but support and be proud of their decision and help in any way possible.

For me it is close to feelings of bereavement. Skype can only do so much. I don't experience the same joy and contact with my children and grandchildren. It hurts. For them, it is the opportunities, lifestyle, and wanting to provide a better foundation for their children. They miss us, but not in the same way I think. Children first is the right way though. I would never try to guilt-trip them. No purpose to that. It helps to know that it is better for them, if not us.

I’d be heartbroken not being able to see them all the time but if they were happy I would obviously support them and try and visit as often as possible. My hubby is from a different country and emigrated to mine around 12 years ago. I do feel for his parents as they miss him and they’ve never even met their grandchildren. Our relationship with them is purely on Skype. We will all be going soon but it’s a very expensive country to visit and we just haven’t been able to afford for all of us to go together.

I'd be very upset but as I've done similar to my parents I hope I'd understand why.