To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

I'd tell him 'great, when do WE go?!'

I left in 98 for Europe. Dbro left in 2005 for Australia.

I think my parents were more gutted at my dbro going as it is so far away and i was on a good wage and flying to the uk every couple of months.

Then my parents divorced, hideously. Dbro cut Df out of his life, so Df has no contact with the two grandchildren. Dm spends about 6 months of the year out there.

I see Df more often than my mother as she is a block of ice and acidic. She has a favourite grandchild and rubs our nose in it. Just sits and stares at Ds when she visits, no interaction, very little interest.

Neither Dbro nor i have any wish to move back to the uk. Parents are mid-60s and in excellent health.

My son is just 6yo but if he wanted to emigrate somewhere i wouldn't hold him back.

I have three children so one moving far away is fairly realistic.

They also have close family in far-flung countries.

I don't have a crystal ball to see what my r'ship with younger two will be like, but I am (to my surprise, as I couldn't bear my parents in teens and 20s) close to the one child who is now adult age. I would miss her. I would hope she'd keep in regular contact.

I'm of an age where this is something that happens in the lives of women I know. I cringe at how upset they get, and worry it's too much if they plan to also emigrate. But I don't know what it'd be like if it happened in my life, honestly. I would hope I'd give them space and be excited for their adventures. A lot come back after a year or two. Some don't. I'd try and visit every 2 or 3 years probably. I would not plan to also emigrate, as I have other children who would probably be here.

I think emigration causes a bit of a split in someone's identity sometimes - you have a present current-country 'you' and a past-you that you lapse into when you go back 'home' that can be a bit of a throw-back to outdated attitudes and prejudices. I hope that wouldn't happen with my DC but in Australia there's some weird attitudes about eg gay people and immigration (of brown people obv). So that would worry me.

I would be very sad to see them go so far away but I wouldnt try to stop them.

I have relatives in Oz and they have a wonderful life I would want that for my kids too.
And I would start saving for a visit

You wouldn't really, juddy, would you?

I'd be devestated.

Children and grandchildren abroad, but then we were the ones that emigrated when I was a child, so you could say traveling and emigrating runs in the family.

I was sad, and I miss them, but what with the internet (letters took 3 weeks to arrive when I was a nipper and telephone calls were impossible that long distance!) it's so much easier to keep in touch now.

I have one dd and I am already actively encouraging her to think about moving abroad when she is older.
We’ve already been to Australia a couple of times and she loves it there (as do I)
If she wanted to go I would give her my blessing and do everything I could to help her achieve it.

Australia there's some weird attitudes about eg gay people and immigration (of brown people obv)

That's debatable, I find Australia the most welcoming country I've ever been to, people so friendly and my skin is not the palest.

I'd be so upset but also envious and excited for them, I think I'd ultimately want to go and join them though especially if there were grandchildren. But I'd need BOTH of them to go to the same (warm!) country, and I'd have to wait until our parents all passed away.

If we could move Australia a lot nearer (like a 2 hour flight away) I'd be there in a heartbeat.

I'd be devastated as I'd miss them and any grandchildren like crazy. I grew up in the army and lived in several different countries away from grandparents and family and it was hard for them and me, there was no Skype or Internet back then which may have made it a bit easier.

I would, however, encourage them to follow their dreams and do what is best for them even if it means only seeing them every other year. As much as I'd hate not being able to see them much I'd hate for them to give up on their dreams to keep me happy even more. I've never wanted to move to another country but my parents would have supported me if I had, though being an only child they'd have probably looked at moving with me .

This is all so strange to read.
I moved to the UK in 2002 from Asia on a university scholarship and have been here (with a brief stint in America) since. Imagine if my parents had guilted me like this? (Home is 10.5 hours away by flight)
Implied that they hadn’t done their jobs as parents.
I met my DH in the UK. We have two kids. My parents come when they can. We go every year. We are moving to another continent, further away for career reasons. I would sincerely hope that both my DSs can enjoy the international life that I have had.
And yes communication and travel is so much easier now.

When my sister left for the States (she’s a lot older than me) the first thing my parents got was a postcard three weeks later. These days I am Whatsapping from the tarmac to say I have landed.

We see each other frequently. Talk on the phone. Skype. WhatsApp multiple times a day (and then not for a few days). Given that my kids have already lived in 3 countries I fully expect them to have global lifestyles in the future. But if they don’t want that, that’s fine too. It’s not a comment on my parenting!!!

I would be sad at the thought of not seeing them so much but would be happy for them.

But then my Mum pulled the emotional blackmail on us when we were looking to emigrate and made things way more difficult than it should of been. In the end we didnt go, then my folks emigrated a while later

I have never understood why parents have a problem with their adult children moving to another country. I genuinely don't have an issue with this. Each of my two have variously gone out to Europe long-term, the other to China to teach....in a very remote location where communication was pretty non-exisitent. They were going for many years but didn't like the culture so came back after a while, but nothing to do with my wishes. It's their life, they are free to choose.

Similarly, I am considering retiring to another country in about a year's time and likewise, it's my choice...I will leave the family behind but there's skype and email these days, what's the problem?

When I was a teenager I had dreams of becoming a missionary in Africa or somewhere (didn't happen!) and I remember telling my mother who was dead against it and virtually forbade me to leave the country (how was she going to enforce that when I reached adulthood?!) I thought she was bonkers at the time and still think the same about such views even now.....

I don't have adult children but if my mum or dad decided to move to NZ/Oz I would be devastated! Would pretend to be happy for them tho and visit a lot.

I would be both sad and happy.

I am pretty sure both my DC will move abroad because it is in their blood. I spent 20 years out of the UK in 4 different countries and my eldest had lived in 3 countries before he was 9. I have had the most amazing life and experiences from working overseas and I want my children to have the same amazing time as we did. If I had my time again I would emigrate to Australia. If and when my DC say they are doing this I hope I can give them my support and not hold them back.

Our family missed us but they also had some fantastic holidays with us over the years.

One of my adult DC lives across the globe from me. Yes I miss them, but these days with Facetime and Skype it's easy to keep in touch, plus flights aren't so prohibitably expensive as they used to be. If that's what your (adult) child wants, they you have to suck it up, it's not about you, it's their life. Be happy for them!

I've experienced parental guilt being placed on me for moving 2/3 hrs away, I'd never do that to my child if they moved overseas. It was horrible and when we did move back closer, they still didn't come and see us, so . Anyway, I would have loved to have lived abroad and was never brave enough. I would like my children to have that bravery to explore new places and I will do everything to give it to them.

Llangollen, I know it's not the whole story and there are also places with a great gay scene, but the recent gay marriage debate brought out some nasty stuff that upset me.
As I say, I think it's something that worries me specifically with regard to being an expat as I think there's something that causes some expats to stay 'stuck' in terms of their personal politics - I wouldn't want that for my children.
I know a lot of expats due to family circumstances - people who would have thought of themselves are very progressive are stuck in '80s mindframes where they would have moved forward if they'd stayed here, as their peers did. It's nothing about the specific country really but I do find Australia interesting. I know a lot more about the US and there's a similar spectrum of incredibly right wing and incredibly left wing. Same attitudes exist in the UK but maybe there's more silence about the extreme right-wing views. Although that's changing :(

I'd absolutely hate it. I hated it even when DD was at university 6 hours away. But if that's what they really wanted to do, I guess I'd try to put a brave face on it, and thank goodness for Skype.

I'd be really really happy for them and glad they were doing what they wanted to do.
I'd miss them terribly and probably have a good cry in private, but when they're at that stage I won't be a million years off retirement and would be mortgage free, so could go an visit a couple or 3 times a year.

DP's DSis moved to Australia 10 years ago and went onto have grandchildren over there and it's no exaggeration to say it broke their mum's heart. She is lovely and has never guilt tripped her daughter but on every family occasion over here she is just that little bit sad, she doesn't say why but you can see by the look on her face. She's elderly now so can't visit and her daughter only comes over here every few years. I agree that people have to follow their dreams but I do feel sorry for DP's mum.

I wish we could invest more into making the UK an even better place to live so (some) young people don't feel they have to move so far away for a better standard of living or quality of life. Im not talking about people with genuine wanderlust but those who moved for better job opportunities or housing.

How adult are we talking - 18 and moving forever, I'm sure I'd feel pretty reluctant and gutted, as if they're being a bit brash maybe? Older 20s or 30s, fine, hopefully a more thought out decision. I'd go and see them a lot!

I realise I may sound illogical there. I did run away to Australia when I was 19, decided to one week and was out there 3 weeks later (2 year working holiday visa i think), open ended plans. Now I myself am late 20s so that's probably why I think by that age my kids would make more considered choices, hah!

My kids are only 2.5 and 10 weeks now so hard to know how I'd actually feel when they're grown up!

I moved to the other side of the world more than 20 years ago. My father was delighted for me, my mother told me how selfish I was being! I still did it and have never regretted it, but my mother's reaction lives with me and still shocks me.

If my DC ever wants to move countries/continents I'll be nothing but supportive (on the outside, anyhow) as I know how important it is to at least think your parents are on your side...