To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

We emigrated and my parents were heartbroken. In the 8 years we’ve been here my mum has lost 3 siblings, and my dad has lost 1 and it’s awful talking to Mum on the phone and knowing that if we hadn’t moved I’d have been there with her supporting her instead all I can do is talk on the phone :(

Mum visits every year, dad has been out but isn’t up to the flight really and we’re lucky that they’re financially so settled as otherwise I doubt I’d have seen them again. I’m studying and DP isn’t well so we don’t have much of an income.

I’d be devastated if my kids decided they wanted to go back to the UK, which is hypocritical but I’d be lost without them.

This is the thing though, 'lots of holidays' is easy to say, but hard in practice. You really need to go for at least two weeks, ideally 3-4, to enjoy it and get over jet lag. Unless you're retired it can be hard to take that time off. Cost of flights itself is huge, especially at Christmas. It's expensive out there. And realistically even going once every year would be a stretch. So 'lots' of holidays doesn't boil down to much time at all. Not meaning to go on at you Wisteria but it's a lot harder than it sounds.

I've thought about this a lot recently, as two of my friends have done this! I think it must depend very much on the circumstances and why they go. For example, one friend went with work when he was young because he wanted a "different experience". I strongly suspect that he would now struggle to come back to the UK and achieve the same lifestyle for his family (now has two kids, property price differentials are still large) and so has stayed in Australia. I know his mum and am pretty sure she must be gutted that her grandchildren are so far away.

Another friend went because his wife was offered a fabulous job in Australia and he found a slightly better one than the one he had in the UK, where they were both pretty fed up at work. So they went for it, with a view to coming back in the medium term. His mum must be sad to see her GC go to the other side of the world, but must see the situation a bit differently. I think so, anyway!

I lived in London for 20 years, my parents in the North East. Saw them twice a year for about 5 -10 days in total. Visits were dull and tedious. Spoke on the phone one a fortnight

Now live in NZ they come for a month at a time and we have the time of our lives. We swim, we kayak, we paddleboard, we zip wire, we cycle together (they are in their 70's). We FaceTime once a week for an hour. We now spend significantly more quality time together at 17000 km away then when I was 300 miles away. They adore it. Particularly getting out of a cold UK January.

I'd be very sad but would understand that it's ultimately their decision and their life to lead.

My sibling moved abroad several years ago and although my parents thought they'd be frequent visitors, ill health has meant they haven't been able to travel to see them.

Over the moon for them having such a fantastic opportunity. Already got 2 stepsons who have done this. One in NZ and one off recently to Australia. My husband is delighted for them too. Technology today makes it far easier to keep in touch.

Yes a decision like that is something that would upset most mums, I agree. I want my boys to follow their dreams, the world is a smaller place now, with cheaper flights, Skype,mobile phone, social media etc.

I don’t want my boys to waste opportunities,,because of fear of upsetting mum and dad. It is quite likely given DS1 career choice that he may decide to train/work overseas, yes I will cry buckets if that happens, but he will never know! I think it is very selfish otherwise.

Happy and excited for them. Sad for me. I think.

Less sad if I have the finances to visit every year. That would be great.

My ds are late teens currently, and already one is thinking about a move to Perth, and one to Japan. This won't be a problem for me if I can afford to go out to see them. Quite an exciting prospect for me and DH. We'll see.

I would be sad and miss them, but also I'd understand that it's their life and they have to be happy and comfortable with the choices they make because I made pretty much the same choice. I didn't move from Aus/NZ, but I did move from another country almost equally far away to the UK and left all my family behind. I'm an only child and my mum and stepdad are getting older now (late 60s) and I only see them a few times a year (I'm lucky they have the time and resources and - for now - good health to travel to see us). They'll have no one to care for them when they're older but me and realistically we'll have to figure something out when that time comes (probably moving them here as I couldn't financially give up work nor leave my kids to care for them there). I expect it's hard, but to be fair, my mum always knew I wouldn't stay close to home. I worked overseas quite a bit in my 20s and even when we lived in the same country, we still only saw each other a few times a year because of the distance and other commitments. I met my dh working abroad and that's how I ended up living permanently in the UK.

So I'd feel sad and I would miss them, but I also realistically couldn't be upset (though I might feel upset to start), I'd have to come to terms with it. And frankly, if the move was a permanent one and it was in any way possible, we'd probably move with them.

I would be terribly sad to know I would miss them, but so happy for them at the same time. Things are so much easier nowadays with internet, you can communicate all the time.

I want my kids to live their own life, not be held back by us. I might ask them to plan a "granny annex" in their new home so we can come and stay for weeks when we visit.

Leaving geographically close doesn't mean you get on so well anyway, I would hate if my kids felt they had to see us every weekend, they should be too busy for that.

We would just have to budget to buy a ticket every 2 years. I have friends whose kids have been sent to "unsafe" countries for work for years, Australia or NZ would be great.

We moved to the Middle East 5 years ago. My parents were amazing about it. They obviously miss us all but I spend the whole summer and Easter with them every year. We had a harder time off my DH’s parents despite the fact they live elsewhere in Europe and spent their whole adult lives as expats!

I would be a tad sad if my DD moved away but very happy for her.

HoppingPavlova
I am not being sarcastic, and the answer is probably no, but would you be able to go on a boat? There are lovely cruises to go from one continent to the other, not something you will do yearly, but maybe once or twice?

For a couple of years - excited for them, great opportunity. Forever - devastated and quite hurt that a place was more important to their happiness than their friends and family but I would be supportive.

I have a Canadian ex and part of the reason we split up was that I didn't want to live there and he didn't want to stay in the UK forever though he changed his mind on that when we broke up but I thought it was the heartbreak talking (13 years in though he's married to an English girl and still here!).

I'd be devastated as well, but I certainly wouldn't tell them. It's a bit hypocritical of me anyway; our family (siblings) are all over the globe and I haven't lived in the same country as my parents since I was 19.

I'd be thrilled that they've escaped from here. I always wanted to leave but my parents relied on me too much. I want my child to live a better life than mine.

There are plenty of flights only to Sydney and back for just under 1000€ which is about what we spend on our main family holiday now, so definitely possible for a lot of people after dependant children have flown the best and school holiday family holiday money can be repurposed.

Far more difficult for people on low incomes or with a SN adult child still at home to take into account (to pay a fare for or find respite care, neither of which may be realistic) obviously.

DF has been telling me I skills for years as the country is going downhill and there's no future here (a belief he's held since the days of Thatcher, justifiably strengthened by Brexit)

I would be sad but happy for them.
My daughter and SIL moved to Switzerland last year and I was very upset but that's a lot easier to get to then Australia

Devastated, delighted, envious, proud, worried, all the feels.
I’d want to go too!

just randomly looked at tickets for 2 adults from London to Sydney.
I spend a lot more than that on a holiday in the UK for a week, let alone 2.

If you organise yourself well, it's really possible to visit often enough. Kids will understand that you can't be as generous with gifts and help when you pay for tickets, but that's all

I would miss them terribly, but be thrilled.

I'm that child, you need to be supportive and visit when you can

I am that child.

Before I moved, I spoke honestly to myself about how I'd feel if my children move abroad one day and I can honestly say that whilst I'd be missing them TERRIBLY and would rather they didn;t, I'd also be proud of them and if they were happy, so would I be.

One of my kids is setting out his career so that he has a good chance of gaining employment in OZ. He loves it there.
I've told him to get aim for a fantastic job so that he can support me and DP to be with him!
I am not devastated by the prospect. I see more of my Ozzie relatives than my immediate family ( who I have no issues with and they live an hours drive away!

I would be heartbroken. But I didn't have children to limit their experiences or for them to live their lives around me. I would also be proud that they were so brave and independent. I'don't also be hoping they would come back in a few years!