To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

I don’t think it’s as simple as saying that you would just visit on holiday all the time - flights are thousands. Out of reach of many families to do it more than once never mind on a regular basis....

Internally I'd think I'd done something wrong, maybe not been a good enough mother or failed to encourage closeness, as that is how our family usually is.

I wouldn't say any of that though, I'd wish them well and pretend to be excited for them.

My children have all lived abroad at some stage and it was awful. I never stood in their way and Id wave them off with a smile each time they’d be going back but I’d then cry for ages afterwards. And I’m so glad they are all home now and live within minutes of each other.

I have 2 daughters in law who now live thousands of miles away from their families just as I did when I moved abroad and I have nothing but the utmost love and respect for them and their families because I know what it feels like. These brave young women are safe with me and mine and I’ll never let them down. I’ll never let their parents down either.

Abc to my lovely mum who’s long gone - thank you for showing me the way ❤️

devastated. Would use all the tech I could to dock in often, but in reality think I would feel quite separated from them and any potential DGs.

Honestly, I’d be devastated.

I'd be gutted. I would feel that our relationship wasn't great, if they were okay about moving so far away from me. However, I would put a brave face on it and support their decision

My ds is only 17 months so I can't say. I know my mum would be very upset though if I moved. In fact she was so upset when my brother moved that she bought them a house to get them to move back 😂😂

I'd be gutted but I'd understand and would wish them well.

I'd be happy for them, but heartbroken inside.

I would wish them well and wave them off smiling.

But I would be dying inside, I see my mum regularly because I want to, our whole extended family is very close and regularly meet up.

Also I must admit I'd be thinking about any future gc, you just wouldn't be as close to them.

I've seen a friend in a situation like that, she was miffed because her mil from another country seemed to favour her other dc that lived nearby. But she would, wouldn't she? She was babysitting them and seeing them all the time, on the other hand she didn't even really know friend's dc, she had only seen them twice because she couldn't afford the flights.

It depends on so many things, why are you they going, how long for eg job contract or life change.. How much money we have because flights are obviously so expensive, are we all in good health to visit. I agree on the one hand it's a great sign they see brave enough to go but one can't deny it will cause a casm in the family.

It depends on so many things, why are you they going, how long for eg job contract or life change.. How much money we have because flights are obviously so expensive, are we all in good health to visit. I agree on the one hand it's a great sign they see brave enough to go but one can't deny it will cause a casm in the family.

Brother and his wife have just done this.

My parents are distraught.

Mum's health not good so she's convinced she'll never see them/their kids again.

Lovely post, Fionne, you sound like a really nice mother-in-law

Devastated, my DD lived in a European country for a few years and that was bad enough.

Proud but scared. Really proud and happy to have raised brave, adventurous adults willing to make the most of life though. Scared I'd keep to myself.

I'd definitely plan to visit annually and hope they'd be able to make it to visit me - but as I live in a different country to my own parents I know it's far harder and far more expensive to fly about the word with kids in tow and when confined to school holidays than for one or two adults.

About half the Brits who emigrate to Oz change their minds after a couple of years, so I wouldn't assume it was necessarily permanent untill they'd put down proper roots, which takes 5-7 years imo.

I judge any parent selfish enough to make their adult children's attempts to make the most of their lives all about the parents' feelings and emotionally blackmail them into staying incredibly harshly. Roots and wings and all that. It's our job as parents to produce children secure enough to spread their wings as adults. Parents who cling are bad parents.

Absolutely devastated. I have several good friends who have and am also friends with one set of their parents - I know for a fact that the mum has been 'strong' and kept her tears at bay when they are leaving after their visits every two years (and when they are missing out on being part of the family year to year). She isn't happy though - she has accepted the sacrifice so he can be.

I wouldn't ever do that to people I love and I would be so sad if it happened to me. I've lived in other European countries and that is different - a couple of hours on a plane and roughly the same time zone is doable for trips back and forth, responding to an emergency and generally keeping in touch. The other side of the planet may as well be another planet IMO (and I've been round the world a few times as well as travelled extensively in Oceania and the Far East - so I am not talking about a fear of the unknown).

I wouldn't say anything though - just as my friends parents did I'd carry on the rest of my life without them being part of it for the most part and hope they were happy, but it would break my heart.

My 20 yo son is in Sydney. We are australian, we moved to the uk when the kids were small and I have always fully expected to eventually have children scattered over the world. That expectation probably makes the separation easier. Saying goodbye was horrendous but the internet had made the world smaller in terms of staying in touch.

It was an unscratched itch for him and he really did need to get away from his mates here. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if he stays forever.

I'd be applying to Wanted Down Under ASAP for a house with a granny flat. Seriously though, I would be happy for them and planning lots of holidays.

I woukd be excited for them. I was/am desperate to get away from where I live but husband not on board.

I hope if my kids feel the way I do that they go for it.

What on earth is a 'typical Australian woman' then?😒. I'm Australian (just got back from holiday there yesterday) and would love to know!

Sad, but excited for them.

If it was likely to be permanent (i.e., having children over there) then more sad than excited. If likely to be just a few years pre-children then more excited than sad.

I imagine they would come here once a year and we would also go there once a year if they had a family. Certainly post retirement. Pre-retirement and children I would expect them to do most of the running!

I spent nearly 5 years in California studying (not quite as far, I know) and came back three times a year. My DH (then boyfriend for most of the time) was still here in UK. It really didn't feel like a big deal. But staying permanent would have and coming back so often with a family would not have been practical.

Must add the reason my db & sil moved in the first place was housing issues and were happy to have these issues solved. Dm defo wasn't blackmailing them.

In my case it wouldn’t bother me as I’m in Aust so quite close to NZ . Seriously NZ is closer to me than Perth over the other side of the country.

However if mine announced they were permanently moving to the UK I’d pretend I was happy for them - smile so hard my face would break but really I would be completely and utterly dead inside. I can no longer fly due a medical condition and this is one of my greatest fears, unless my kids stay in Sydney or somewhere on the east coast (Melbourne/Brisbane) I won’t ever be able to travel to them. Obviously I never want to limit their opportunities though ......