To not let my kids spend their Christmas money

[Mintychoc1]

I have 2 boys, age 12 and 8. They are pretty active, love football etc, but like many other kids they also like to spend ages on the bloody Xbox.

Now I always innocently believed that once you'd bought a game, that was it - you played the game. But no - there are seemingly infinite ways to spend more money, buying accessories for your character, new players for your team etc, and so the potential for spending is huge. These acquisitions enhance the game experience for about half a day as far as I can see, then the kids want more. It's a bottomless pit.

Both kids asked for some money for Christmas, which I duly gave them (as well as plenty of other stuff). Now we are arguing about spending it. I allowed them to spend a fair bit of it on these Xbox bonuses over Christmas, but now I'm being stricter. I can't bear the thought of them pissing away my hard-earned cash on such transient enjoyment. That money was meant to last them months, not weeks.

They think it's their money and they should be allowed to spend it as they choose. I think they're too young to make that decision, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't given it to them.

To put it in context, these Xbox bonuses cost plenty. One of their friends spent £250 in a week (without his parents' knowledge) on new kit for his character! My kids have nothing like that amount, but it goes to show how easily large sums can be frittered away.

So, AIBU to regulate how and when they spend their own money?

I think you should let them spend it, but make it very clear that you won't be paying for anymore when that money has gone, so if they spend it all in a week then want something the next week, that's tough. Hopefully they'll be responsible and ration it more, if not then they'll soon realise that next time if they want to get stuff, they'll have to ration their money more responsibly.

They think it's their money and they should be allowed to spend it as they choose.

They are correct - YABU

I think they're too young to make that decision, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't given it to them.

Lesson learned for future - only give them money if you are prepared for them to do whatever they like with it. Otherwise don't give cash.

I do agree with you up to a point. My DS plays Fifa and is constantly asking for Fifa points which enhance the game and allow him to buy new players. We agreed he could spend £30 of his own money at Christmas and he used the rest for new trainers. Each week he gets £20 allowance (he is nearly 14) and he always used some to go to cinema or out with friends on a Saturday. Recently he's been asking for £10 or even the full £20 of it for the points and it does annoy me as the benefit is so fleeting and it seems as soon as he had some he is looking for more. I've explained if he uses his allowance then he won't be able to go out with his friends but to be honest the weather has been rubbish and all the sports clubs have been off for Xmas so he has been happy to stay in even though I'd prefer for him to see his friends. Next week his football training will be back on so he'll be more busy to bother with it. Normally I say these points are for birthdays/Xmas only x

Make a rule that they write down what they want, how much it is, and how much that leaves them with. Then if they still want it in two weeks time they can buy it. I apply this to myself when tempted by random unnecessary purchases, it usually stops me wasting money.

You can't teach them to spend money wisely by controlling their money.

Just like you didn't teach them to use scissors carefully by cutting everything out for them, and you didn't teach them to walk by carrying them everywhere.

My DD is 6 and saving her pocket money for a stuffed toy. Every time she wants to spend it on something I else, I remind her what she was saving for, tell her how many extra weeks her spending will add and then she weights the pros and cons. Sometimes she spends, sometimes she doesn't. But she is learning to make her own decisions.

Of course you can. You can teach them to spend money wisely by preventing them spending it unwisely. That is literally what you are doing.

We split the kids money so they save some (most) and spend the rest with no restrictions from us.. this year I am saving more so they can spend it when we go to Disneyland Paris ( which they don’t know about yet)

no - either the op is spending the money or the kids are. They can't learn to control their own spending by having control taken away from them.

Sure they can, you're just not trying. You teach kids to cross roads by holding their hands, not by flinging them into traffic and telling them they have to learn it by doing it! Same thing.

Actually you don't teach kids by holding their hands. You teach them by telling them what you are doing.

If you only hold their hand and do all the decision making for them then the first time they do it on their own they are in danger.

Same here. The OP could model how she makes her spending decisions, or she can continue making her kids spending decisions for them. One of these results in adults with the skills to make spending decisions and the other one doesn't.

The other difference is her kids can fritter this money without dying in a car accident. Which does widen the options somewhat.

You teach kids to use scissors via practice, however you also give them gentle pointers if they're doing it in a way which is entirely wrong/harmful.
In the same vein, careful pointers here and there don't hurt with spending - as others have said in most cases letting DC make their own decision re their money and face the consequences, with maybe a reminder or question here or there would suffice in most cases. But I really feel that limiting spending on items which are designed to encourage limitless spending, addiction and skinner box mentality in adults is sensible. In the same vein that if gambling had no restrictions I'd imagine most wouldn't say that letting a child spend all their money in a casino would help them learn good spending habits.

Actually you don't teach kids by holding their hands. You teach them by telling them what you are doing

While holding their hands. Either way, you don';t throw them at a bus and say "figure it out for yourself, you'll learn". Which is what you are doing if you let them waste large amounts of money.
Or maybe the people saying such rot just have money to burn so don't care about them giving all their money to microsoft?

I have a similar situation. We have put in place some spending rules which the kids seem happy with, money that is earned by them (pocket money for chores, paper round money) can be spent however they like, if they want to blow it all in fifa points that’s fine - they have earned it. Money that has been given as a gift must be spent on something more tangible that they want or need can be extravagant eg designer Football boots, clothes, games etc.
That works for us and I think it helps them, otherwise all of their money would just go into the black hole that is Xbox

Do they get pocket money? If not, perhaps they should so they get used to handling it. If they never have money and suddenly get a great wodge if it, it's pretty obvious they're going to blow it all. Let them spend it. It's the only way they'll learn.

With the 12 year old could you look into the fixFIFA boycott? If he sees some of the stats about how much money people have had to spend before they get a decent player come up it might make him think. Presumably he’s done a bit of probability at school.

The fact that lots of people playing the game have an issue with how the game has been designed might help too. It’s not just you being mean about not letting him spend his money then.

Hi Thanks RafalsTheKingofClay -what is that? It definetly sounds like something my son would look into.

He was saying to me recenty that he would like an X-box for his birthday as more of his friends play them and when he does that all the team, players and points he has built up on the PS4 Fifa will no longer count as he cannot transfer from one system to the other. These points are just a money making scam and its a shame they have to add them into these games rather than it being about how skillful players can get at it. People who throw the most money at them will always do better xxx

With my son I gave him a PSN voucher which he frittered away on Fortnite. I don't buy micro transactions and this voucher was for him to spend as he wishes.
I also gave him cash which went into his bank account until he sees something he fancies. (He rarely goes shopping so I expect it'll be there for a while)

How about a time lag? So whatever they want to spend it on, they have to wait 24 hours say then ask again. This gives them time to reflect and decide. If they spend it all then that's it.
The answer to begging is no and you make it clear NOW.

They can have gifts or vouchers for birthday.

Ultimately you are bvu to try to control a gift after you have given it.

While it is understandable that you don't want them to waste your money this is no longer your money.

Don't make a Christmas gift a pain, let it go. Perhaps next time give a smaller amount.

I do feel your pain though, it is also no fun listening to a determined young musician learn to play the violin but they do have to do it themselves to learn, these things are all part of parenting

While it is understandable that you don't want them to waste your money this is no longer your money.

They’re still her minor children though.

TheHolidayArmadillo

A monetary gift is very different. Obviously age appropriate spending is somewhat controlled but the amount of their total shouldn’t be. My four year old got a Christmas money so I sat with her and worked out prices of things she is into and she chose what she wanted that the money covered. As she gets older and more independent she can again buy age appropriate but whether she spends it all on something I deem crap or not is up to her. I spend my money on crap but if I enjoy it that’s the main thing. A gift is to be enjoyed and that’s what the ops children want to do with it. If they regret it later then the op can explain how t could have been avoided and they can learn for next time. You learn through mistakes and money is no different. It’s going to be spent so does it really matter what on?

YANBU.
These spends in gaming almost seem like a drug habit, a quick spend, a quick high and the money has gone to basically nothing.
At least if you blow money on tangible items you have the option to resell if you later regret it.

All very interesting - my boys are 9 and 10 and so far they and mates mostly play older games for Xbox 360 from CEX, plus Minecraft and Roblox. They can't make any online payments so apart from my buying some Roblox bucks once we haven't had this problem yet as have just stuck to total no, which is fine for now but at some point they will need to buy things online. These goodybags are particularly pernicious - there's the low chance of getting good loot just like the sticker packs of my youth or the plastic ball machines in supermarkets, but combined with the enticement and ability to make repeated purchases in seconds just like online gambling.

I think we're going to have to get stricter on "this is how much you get and this is what we won't buy you so you will have to buy it yourself" before long. At least virtual loot doesn't clutter up the house - the kids have realised that £1 a week buys loads of cuddly toys if they are shipped from China... Saving for toy, great. Looking online for a cheap deal, also sensible. Realising they can afford multiple items if they don't might waiting 3weeks for delivery, very laudable. Acquiring five cuddlies a month...

You are being unreasonable! You can't give them money and then tell them what to spend it On? If a friend won the lotto and gave you say £50K but said you had to spend it On what they wanted, doesn't that defeat the object. If you feel this way then don't give them money x

I understand the point that once money has been given it is no longer the river's concern but I also feel that it is up to us as parents to teach children about being sensible with money - an important life skill for later to avoid debt! Can you strike a deal, so much to spend on whatever it is they want on the provision that the rest gets put in the bank. I used to like watching my savings grow and dream about what I would spend it on (it generally changed weekly!). I hope you find a resolution OP