To not let my kids spend their Christmas money

[Mintychoc1]

I have 2 boys, age 12 and 8. They are pretty active, love football etc, but like many other kids they also like to spend ages on the bloody Xbox.

Now I always innocently believed that once you'd bought a game, that was it - you played the game. But no - there are seemingly infinite ways to spend more money, buying accessories for your character, new players for your team etc, and so the potential for spending is huge. These acquisitions enhance the game experience for about half a day as far as I can see, then the kids want more. It's a bottomless pit.

Both kids asked for some money for Christmas, which I duly gave them (as well as plenty of other stuff). Now we are arguing about spending it. I allowed them to spend a fair bit of it on these Xbox bonuses over Christmas, but now I'm being stricter. I can't bear the thought of them pissing away my hard-earned cash on such transient enjoyment. That money was meant to last them months, not weeks.

They think it's their money and they should be allowed to spend it as they choose. I think they're too young to make that decision, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't given it to them.

To put it in context, these Xbox bonuses cost plenty. One of their friends spent £250 in a week (without his parents' knowledge) on new kit for his character! My kids have nothing like that amount, but it goes to show how easily large sums can be frittered away.

So, AIBU to regulate how and when they spend their own money?

Mine aren't at this age yet, but I would also have difficulty letting them spend it. On the other hand, better to learn now than when they're older.

Can you be old fashioned and set them up with a cash book? So they can see how much they have, how much they are spending and how much they have left. If they have to physically write the amounts they are spending and do the maths themselves it might make more of an impact.

YANBU - it's a Parents job to guide our dc's and I believe that includes how to spend/use gifts, especially cash. My DS has also been asking to spend cash on Fortnite, and while he's annoyed at the time I say no, it's completely forgotten about later so would just have been an impulse purchase and a waste of money.
He is happy later on when he's got cash left for Lego, football boots, etc so I know I'm doing the right thing with these games.

@TheWhisperingSky
I like the idea of the cash book - going to try that with my DC

it's a Parents job to guide our dc's and I believe that includes how to spend/use gifts, especially cash.

Cash gifts are meant to be spent on whatever we choose though. It's perfectly possible to teach financial responsibility whilst allowing gifts to be spent.

I think it is our job as parents to teach children the value of money and how to recognise a good deal versus being ripped off by money grabbing companies. I am also having very similar arguments with my own DC and their christmas money from relatives.

I would say stand your ground but give them a part of the money to spend on the Xbox extras as they wish. Insist that they either save or spend on something else the rest of the money. It is important to teach child how to manage and spend money. The comments I have read saying it's their money, they can spend it, is frankly ridiculous in my opinion.

YANBU
I think maybe some who think you are U have never seen a £25 Xbox credit disappear in under a minute on gold packs.

I expect to get flamed myself but I agree with you. Whilst pp are right in that it is their money, its far too easy to spend money on online transactions - micro transactions? My family/friends give me the money knowing I am saving it for baby and will usually also give him a physical toy. My plan is to not say anything for some years and later on to teach him to save some and have some. I would not dictate what the part he has is spent on but I might make some suggestions ie. something big he really wanted. Im not planning on saying how much he has but when he is older I am intending on giving it to him and would suggest deposit on a house etc. I see too many friends with older kids giving lump sums to their children and its sad to see it blown away on a holiday and the kids to continue renting for a price that is more expensive than my mortgage

Cash gifts are meant to be spent on whatever we choose though.

Even if it's not appropriate?

Even if it's not appropriate?

I don't see why it's not appropriate for kids to spend money on gaming.

@citybzg
My DC get about £100 at birthdays, £30 at Christmas and nothing else throughout the year other than small amounts they earn through doing jobs around the house, so it's important for them to learn financial responsibility with their gifts if they want to spend throughout the year (which they do!).
They do get to choose what their money is spent on, just are guided not to make impulse purchases which they have nothing to show for.

You gave them money, you didn't give them an allowance increase.

Once it's gone it's their hard luck, they are back to their normal monthly allowance.
That is how they learn to budget, they have to be gutted at some point that they have nothing and want something.

I agree with you, BUT, it's their money.i think you would be right to sit down and explain that money is not a bottomless pit and that they could use it for other things, but ultimately I think they need to make their own mistakes. I think let them have ten choice, but stay firm when it's gone.

Sorry, should have proof read before pressing post.

YANBU to put limits on what your kids can spend money on. If there's something you believe is harmful to them for their age, of course you should stop them from buying it - whether that is in-app purchases, inappropriate books, toffee or cigarettes etc.
I think an outright ban (up to age whatever you think is OK) is easier for a younger child to understand than saying it's OK to spend X amount, but not Y amount, particularly for your eight year old.
Your 12 year old should be starting to learn from his mistakes though.

Your comment sounded far more wide ranging than just the gaming though.

Appropriate for kids is surely determined by their parents. Some parents think that allowing their children to wear belly tops and plimsols in cold weather is fine, others think that's inappropriate. If my 5 year old wanted to spend his birthday money on an expensive Lego Star Wars set, I'd probably deem that as inappropriate for him because he wouldn't be able to build it, and parts of it would very quickly go missing - he's too young to think of that consequence before it happens. Lego is arguably also something that is generally appropriate for children.

If this OP is of the view that micro-purchases that games often have these days are exploitative of children (and exploitative of gamers in general, because the addictive qualities of some of these games are so easy to see) then that's her shout.

I think YABU although I understand the frustration.

I made a promise to my DCs (10/8 now) that they could always spend their pocket money on what they want, but that normal household rules still apply (eg if they bought loads of sweets they wouldn’t be allowed to eat them all that day, if they saved up for a tech item they wouldn’t suddenly be allowed unlimited screen time etc). That was sometimes enough to guide them to (what I saw as) better decisions, but TBH it is their choice. What matters to kids is very different to what matters to adults.

They still buy what I see as complete tat, which is also why I keep pocket money pretty low, and wouldn’t give a vast amount at Christmas/birthdays, but what I do give them is theirs to blow I think.

I think the OP is correct, just because you have them money this year, doesn’t mean they can fritter it away on rubbish like getting upgrades in a game.
You are right to police their spending, and I can only assume the other posters, either don’t have children or theirs are toddlers still.
Pre teens and teens are a whole new ball game, as parents of older children will find out. They need guidance on spending, or will never budget, learn to save or have any value for anything.

It’s not inappropriate to let children buy things in games online. It’s almost the same as letting them spend it all on cheap tat in Clare’s or Smiggle. But not all online purchases are the same.

The sort the OP is talking about is a form of gambling. Most people wouldn’t be OK with their 8 year olds doing that even if the money is theirs.

I can see the conundrum here also.

On one hand you don't want them to waste their money and as an adult you can see the rip off.

On the other hand, it's their Xmas present and they should be free to spend it as they please.

Personally I'd either probably let them, and when it's gone it's gone. Or organise a shopping trip and let them spend it. When it's there it's always going to be a temptation,

I think it's different to stopping them spending on what they want. It's not the same as stopping them from buying a toy, book, or even sweets. It's more like stopping them from playing the whole lot in the slot machines at the amusement arcade.
These games are a real problem not just for children. One of my sons friends spent 200 of his student loan on game stuff in the first week he got it.
I think the government should do something about it as its almost akin to gambling.

It's tricky because it's their money. You just have to be consistent in your approach.
We have a rule that up to £5 per month can be spent on add-ons in games. So, with Christmas money, £5 could be spent on coins/add-ons; stars.
The rest of the Christmas money was divided into two. Half was spent on a brand-new game that included a season pass (so they'll get all the add-ons as they are released).
The other half, I am steering them towards something more substantial (but still fun because the money was a gift) eg an e-reader; a steering wheel for their PS; etc.

I'd let them spend it on what they want. They will get to keep and play with the characters they buy.
If they regret what they've chosen and wish they'd spent the money on something else then that's a lesson learned for them and if they don't then they've got what is worthwhile to them. Buying other things that they wint get as much enjoyment from because you prefer it would be the real waste of money imo.
I always let my kids spend their pocket money/birthday money on what they like with the only rule being that once it's gone it's gone.

I suppose lesson learnt. I woukd only give amounts that I can 'afford to lose' so no pressure on you or them. That way you woukd be accepting of their choices whilst they benefit from the decision making around spending.

I gave mine pocket money. As they got older it was a decent amount per month and we agreed what I would buy and what they would. It was really useful when they needed something like new trainers. I would agree the amount I would pay, say £35.00. They could choose trainers for that amount or put their saved pocket money on top for the more expensive 'in' pair. It made them think!

One DC would always save and add the money, the other wasn't bothered at all and would choose within limits. It certainly lessened the repeated 'strop' in the sports shop and I hope helped them to make choices with their money.

Let them spend it, they will come to the realisation that when the money is gone it's gone, you can't expect them to learn from their mistakes if you don't let them make any.

These games where you can waste so much money on new kit sound horrific!
YANBU to feel annoyed that your DC are wasting their money. But I would let them as it's their money to spend. Make it very clear that once it's gone they won't have any more money for ages. It will be a lesson in money management!