To not let my kids spend their Christmas money

[Mintychoc1]

I have 2 boys, age 12 and 8. They are pretty active, love football etc, but like many other kids they also like to spend ages on the bloody Xbox.

Now I always innocently believed that once you'd bought a game, that was it - you played the game. But no - there are seemingly infinite ways to spend more money, buying accessories for your character, new players for your team etc, and so the potential for spending is huge. These acquisitions enhance the game experience for about half a day as far as I can see, then the kids want more. It's a bottomless pit.

Both kids asked for some money for Christmas, which I duly gave them (as well as plenty of other stuff). Now we are arguing about spending it. I allowed them to spend a fair bit of it on these Xbox bonuses over Christmas, but now I'm being stricter. I can't bear the thought of them pissing away my hard-earned cash on such transient enjoyment. That money was meant to last them months, not weeks.

They think it's their money and they should be allowed to spend it as they choose. I think they're too young to make that decision, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't given it to them.

To put it in context, these Xbox bonuses cost plenty. One of their friends spent £250 in a week (without his parents' knowledge) on new kit for his character! My kids have nothing like that amount, but it goes to show how easily large sums can be frittered away.

So, AIBU to regulate how and when they spend their own money?

I've not read the whole thread, but my ds did this (a bit older than your two and on CS) Now he has no money but needs it to visit his gf, he regrets spending it all on such transient things. It has helped him learn a valuable lesson and is much more careful with his money.
Maybe have a chat with them and say yes its theirs to spend, but once its gone its gone and they can't ask for any more because something else has come up they really want in the game. But, like others have said, its not your money once you have given it away as a gift.

Weary salute to those struggling with members of their households with excessive enthusiasm for that Fortnite game.

We are currently trying to wean DS1 (12) off it. He's an otherwise responsible and reasonably well-behaved lad, but he could not exercise any sort of of self-control over how often and how long he was playing it, and exhibited quite recognisable withdrawal symptoms when he was unable to access it for any length of time.

We have dealt with the issue of in-app purchases by not allowing them at all, ever. If that makes us boring/oppressive/Bad Parents/whatever, tough. These things are worse than gambling in my opinion - at least with gambling you have some chance, however small, of getting something back for your cash.

To be quite honest I wish we had never agreed to buy an Xbox in the first place, such have been the arguments caused by its use, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

YABU to try and control how the use something you gave to them. Next time give them half and put half away in savings if you don't think they can spend/save appropriately.

Your 12 year old is old enough now for a proper bank account with a card and pin. I'd use that to try and get him thinking about saving some money for things and let him understand that if he fritters it away he goes without til he's saved up for the next thing.

YABU to try and control how the use something you gave to them.

Does this also apply to screen time?

I would seriously accept this is very kmportant to them at this time and allow them to celebrate their Christmas gifts by buying the game stuff they are excited about
Accept that this is their current interest
This too shall pass
I would think about boundaries for when they play the games
E. G allow more time on the games on weekend & holidays
Limit time on normal school day
e. g. after homework if there is time.

DH and I have banned ourselves from microtransactions in games and apps because they are all a complete con. Especially when you've spent £50 on a game already! So our children will be similarly banned.

My ds is similar and always wants to use his pocket money on FIFA (or now Fortnite!).
He saves his pocket money rather than spend it so we let him use this if he wants to although we do always ask him to think it through before he does it. Sometimes he will decide against it but we try to limit how much he uses in one go - for his own sake.
This xmas he asked if he could also have some money for xmas (rather than an additional present) specifically to use on his games - we agreed to this but didn't put in too much.

There has been a lot of uproar in the community over loot boxes which is essentially gambling for in game things like character skins etc. Its well know that many sports games especially make it pay to win for things like ultimate team, they want people to keep spending more and some companies have even had patents about how to make more money but pairing up people not by ability but by those who have these skins/weapons and advantage against those who dont so they will buy them.

It is addictive and i completely understand your reluctance to let them spend their money on these.

Could you take them out to buy a new Xbox game? If not i would recommend talking to them about gambling and about how the games use this. Also, in many instances game servers will be shut with minimal warning. An example is Gravity force 2 which was due to shut down this month which would have meant achievements and rewards being inaccessible as they needed the server to work. The community have managed to have it pushed back to July so people are able to earn these.

What did you think they were going to spend it on? This is why we wouldnt give the dc (especially ds 10!) money for Christmas or birthday unless they were saving up for a specific thing. However they do get money from grandparents & others. And we will discourage them from spending on rubbish like this but we let ds buy the odd time & invariably he regrets it soon after. I worry about DS he would spend n spend but am hoping if we let him have some control he'll realise the value of money at some point before he an adult!

My friends adult son has what I can only call a gambling addiction. He spends all of his money on micro transactions. He has been evicted from her home and gone to stay with a friends mother. He was given lots of money at Christmas and appears to have spent it all on more mirco transactions. Said son's friend has asked friend to take him back (apparently the mother was rather upset that he was given a lot of money but has been living at hers rent free with no job). She has said no unsurprisingly. As pp said. Its his money and he has to learn (I might have started a bit earlier though).

I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, yes it is their money once you've given it to them. But on the other hand, allowing them to fritter such a lot of money away on these Xbox bonuses isn't great either. It's clear they're not responsible enough to handle that much money, not surprisingly in the case of the 8 year old.

In your shoes I definitely wouldn't have given them so much money. My DD1 is 8 and there's no way she could cope with being given that amount of money. The best thing would be to either go back to giving them presents or maybe a smaller amount of money where if doesn't worry you so much if they fritter it away.

Now that it's happened, the best way to handle it (what I would do anyway) would be to suggest that they get half of their money now and that you hold on to the rest for them to spend later. (A bank account might be a good idea for the 12 year old, as a PP has suggested.)

YABU. It's their money.

I think all the "its their money to do want they want with" stuff is purest bollocks. They are children. They don't get to do what they want.

All the posters saying that wouldn't let their own children throw money on the fire, and wasting it on xbox shite is just the same. Hypocrites!

Be the parent OP. You're in charge.

You're not wrong for being annoyed about it, my SS (13) is the same with the computer add ons, wastes his pocket money on them all the time, it annoys me and his dad, but, it is his money to waste, so we don't argue.
I can't wait for him to get a job and him learn the value of money, he thinks it grows on trees at the moment!

How do they actually spend the money though? Is it your card linked to their account? Take your card off and tell them they have to wait until they are old enough to have a card in their own right?
Vouchers? Make them buy them with their own cash, so they see the money going.
I think it's a huge problem these days, money is more abstract when you only come into contact with it online. Then it's hard to grasp its true value.

It's linked to my PayPal account, as that's how my subscription to Xbox Live is paid. I have no issue with that. They wouldn't take money without asking me.

I have agreed that they can have a set amount every week until the Christmas money is gone. Then no more. (Although actually I don't think my 8 year old will spend it. He's had a £20 note in his money box for about 2 years!)

In future I won't give them a lump sum for birthday or Christmas.

Do they have to hand you the cash before you let them order of the account?

off

My DC are the same age. They also derive a lot of pleasure from screen-based entertainment. I don't share their enthusiasm but I recognise that it's important to them, and that my opinion that a lot of the games are rubbish isn't more valid than theirs. (I do still refer to them as silly games though.)

I have banned the micro-transactions that save you from a few days' effort in a free game. I will allow add-on purchases eg extra tracks / cars in Mario Kart - but we always have a discussion first about what else they could get for the money. Eg £10 on an extra is effectively the same cost as a new game if it's one that they can sell on when they're done playing. Similarly, if they want to buy a game in a shop, then we'll discuss whether it's cheaper to buy online, and whether it's worth paying the extra to have it a few days' sooner.

Could you have a discussion with them both about how much money they have, and how long they want it to last, and get them to make suggestions of how to make that work? They might have some good ideas that surprise you. If at the end of the discussion, you think they're not mature enough to make a good decision, you can decide whether to let them waste it or not - and put a plan in place for helping them learn to make better decisions.

I think it’s their money and to let them spend it how they like. If that means wasting it on what you would deem rubbish then so be it. Either give less next time, or give them half and save half for when they are older. I just don’t like giving and then dictating, it makes no sense to me.

It's your responsibility as a parent to give them an understanding of the value of money - an essential life skill which I don't see around that often.

My little one is almost 1 year old, and I'm expecting to have to deal with this situation at some point! Current plan is to give him a little pocket money to spend as he likes which he will have to earn, and then presents will be actual items or gift vouchers rather than cash. We'll see if that works out!

for perspective. I wouldn’t waste money on wine but I would on chocolate and others would think the opposite. I still wouldn’t tell someone what to do nor would I expect them to me, if you see what I mean?

I just don’t like giving and then dictating, it makes no sense to me.

I'm really interested to know if this just applies to money, or whether it applies to every other thing that parents give their children but impose rules about, or limit their access to - e.g. generalised screen time restrictions, nail polish only at weekends, not allowing them to watch an age restricted film on their own tv, keeping the poster paints out of reach unless you know they're using them, etc.