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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my kids spend their Christmas money

186 replies

Mintychoc1 · 16/01/2018 07:02

I have 2 boys, age 12 and 8. They are pretty active, love football etc, but like many other kids they also like to spend ages on the bloody Xbox.

Now I always innocently believed that once you'd bought a game, that was it - you played the game. But no - there are seemingly infinite ways to spend more money, buying accessories for your character, new players for your team etc, and so the potential for spending is huge. These acquisitions enhance the game experience for about half a day as far as I can see, then the kids want more. It's a bottomless pit.

Both kids asked for some money for Christmas, which I duly gave them (as well as plenty of other stuff). Now we are arguing about spending it. I allowed them to spend a fair bit of it on these Xbox bonuses over Christmas, but now I'm being stricter. I can't bear the thought of them pissing away my hard-earned cash on such transient enjoyment. That money was meant to last them months, not weeks.

They think it's their money and they should be allowed to spend it as they choose. I think they're too young to make that decision, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't given it to them.

To put it in context, these Xbox bonuses cost plenty. One of their friends spent £250 in a week (without his parents' knowledge) on new kit for his character! My kids have nothing like that amount, but it goes to show how easily large sums can be frittered away.

So, AIBU to regulate how and when they spend their own money?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 16/01/2018 08:08

As its their christmas money I don't think you should tell them how to spend it but I do understand your concerns about inapp purchasing.

Can you maybe encourage buying another game outright as not all games have inapp purchasing and try to sway them away from ones asking you to buy stuff?

I'll admit that this doesn't just target kids, I've bought apps on my ipad and not realised how much I've spent until I look at my bank balance.

peachypetite · 16/01/2018 08:10

Next time put some in their savings accounts and give them less to spend on crap?

OrangeOasis · 16/01/2018 08:10

Ds asked for money to add upgrades to one of his favourite online games. It grated but that’s all he wanted. His choice, once it’s gone it’s gone.

He did have other presents but gaming is his passion.

Pengggwn · 16/01/2018 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 16/01/2018 08:12

You’re behaving in a very unreasonable manner and out of order

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 16/01/2018 08:18

"That money was meant to last them months"

That's not a Christmas present! That's you giving them bulk pocket money surely??

A gift of cash is to be spent in whichever way the recipient chooses.

You giving them money and then telling them it has to last is not on.

dingdongdigeridoo · 16/01/2018 08:19

It’s their money so I feel they should be allowed to spend it. But I do agree with you that it’s wasteful OP. When you spend upwards of £60 on a game it’s shitty that you only get the basic experience and have to buy more. Loot crates are no more than online gambling for kids, which is why they’re trying to crack down on it.

Original poster
Mintychoc1 · 16/01/2018 08:20

Interesting range of views. I can see that in a way IABU, but I just can't bring myself to let such sums disappear on nothing in such a short space of time. I wonder if the people who say I should let them spend it are familiar with this game add-on purchases? They are truly toxic.

Interestingly my kids act like I'm ruining their lives by not letting them buy xyz, but literally 10 minutes later they're not bothered any more. This to me demonstrates the addictive nature of it. While you're in front of the screen you think you will die if you don't have the thing you want, but step away from the game and reality kicks in.

I think it's teaching kids a gambling mentality, and whilst there's nothing wrong with a bit of gambling, it's important to be able to stop and step back before it gets out of hand.

Sadly it's pandora so box, and now it's open I can't close it again. But yes, I think pocket money may be the way forward from now, rather than lump sums at birthdays and Christmas. (They don't get pocket money, because they hate shopping and never have the chance to spend it!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mintychoc1 · 16/01/2018 08:22

Pandora's, not Pandora so

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 16/01/2018 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Daffodils07 · 16/01/2018 08:23

I agree with you, we are moving very soon and my children had money and vouchers for Christmas.
We agreed they could use the money how ever they wanted but the vouchers they use to buy some nice things for their new rooms.
Comprising is the best way and also gives them some control but not let them waste the whole amount.

Snowysky20009 · 16/01/2018 08:23

I feel your pain. Ds14, asked several times over Christmas to buy 'extras', which I stupidly ageeed too. Checked my bank account and he'd spent over £120 in 5 days! My fault for saying yes, as I hadn't realised how much he was clocking up. But so easily done. As you said it's the pressure of the temptations for them. After 'showing him my online banking', I told him not to ask for anything for the next few months (he still has over £300 physical money left from Christmas as he only bought a ninento switch), so I told him the £100 I told him that I would give him, but leave on my card, incase he wanted to buy anything in the sales on line, was now gone, he has spent it.

I know that may sound mean as I had agreed to him having these extras, but he knew how many packs he was buying, and he kept saying it's £4,£8 etc- like hell £15.99, £15.99, £15.99 etc.

He asked for a new training top for football on the weekend. I said, yes but you pay for it, as you want it, not need it. He said I need your card to do it as it's online, and I will give you the money. I said no sorry, not enough on my card until the end of the month- it would have been if you had not spent it..... lesson is slowly being learned..... (I hope)

BoomBoomsCousin · 16/01/2018 08:26

I don’t think YABU to put some restrictions on - they aren’t yet old enough to really take responsibility for their actions. But dictating too much is also poor because they need some freedom in order to learn.

We have limit combined sweets&online spending to a quarter of all monies received for presents, pocket money, earned money whatever. Kids argue about it, but accept it and in many ways are glad (because then they do have a bit of money for whatever trainer equivalent comes up).. I’ve done this since they first had pocket money (was just sweets to start with). They’re 9 now, I’m not sure how much longer they’ll find it acceptable, but I’m hoping it will build the foundation for a bit of restraint when they really do control their spending.

.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 16/01/2018 08:27

YADNBU. I hate this about games and things now. It's one thing on a free iPhone app but when you've already spent £30+ on the game to then have to buy stuff I just think it's awful. I would not allow my kids to spend their Christmas money on these game add ins, they're literally a waste of money

UserSnoozer · 16/01/2018 08:27

You gave it to them. Therefore it's their money. You wouldn't give your friend a jumper for her birthday but then dictate what jeans she could and couldn't wear it with

ivykaty44 · 16/01/2018 08:28

It’s no longer your money to choose, this is about your control and inability to allow your dc to fail and learn from their own mistakes

BertieBotts · 16/01/2018 08:28

I think it's two separate questions, and people are missing the nature of microtransactions, which are hugely different to other "frittering".

AIBU to restrict what treat/birthday money is spent on? Generally yes. Although I agree some DC need more coaching than others (DS, now 9, has had his own money since he was 4 and still hasn't learned to save until I took it physically off him and put it in a bank account and now he looks at the total, looks at the projected total and thinks about how much he wants to take out.)

AIBU to ban this specific purchase which I believe is harmful? IMO, no - you wouldn't be unreasonable to restrict purchase of other harmful things like energy drinks, excessive amounts of sweets. You would probably not let your DC spend money on cigarettes or scratch cards even if they were legal. You might limit their involvement in things like social media if you think it harmful. If a child at school was aggressively selling something like football cards you'd probably discourage that and/or want the school to shut it down. IMO it doesn't make a difference that microtransactions haven't been banned YET. Digital loot boxes have already been banned and I think microtransactions may go the same way for under 16s. Businesses make tons and tons of money from this, mainly from adults, they have no need to market to children, but it's an addiction model and you've done well to be aware of that. Many people are not switched on to it IME, because it's been such a creeping and recent change.

HuskyMcClusky · 16/01/2018 08:30

Therefore it's their money. You wouldn't give your friend a jumper for her birthday but then dictate what jeans she could and couldn't wear it with

Well, no. But you also wouldn’t tell your friend not to eat too many sweets or to go to bed early, so it’s hardly comparable.

stickytoffeevodka · 16/01/2018 08:30

I just can't bring myself to let such sums disappear on nothing in such a short space of time.

But it's not your money anymore. You gave it to your sons as a Christmas gift, so it's already disappeared from your account/money.

I'm in no way saying that add-ons for video games are a good way to spend pocket money but it's their money to spend! If you want it spent on sensible things, I think you either need to save it for them or get them vouchers for shops you approve of.

I spent my money on all sorts of tat at that age - mainly magazines, annuals, sweets and cheap tacky jewellery! All of it was a total waste and I never used it after a day or so but by my teenage years I'd learnt how to budget and that if I spent it all on tat in two days I'd have nothing left.

It's a lesson all children need to learn and it often takes a couple of goes before they get it right!

frenchfancy · 16/01/2018 08:31

Hard one. I think once DCs have been given money then it should be theirs to spend - however I think a family ban (or restiction) on game add ons would be reasonable.

I do think however that you need to treat a 12 yr old differently from an 8 yr old.

Original poster
Mintychoc1 · 16/01/2018 08:31

Pengggwn yes it is sort of gambling. With FIFA you are basically buying a mystery group of players, with the promise that there's a chance you may get a Messi, or Ronaldo, or Neymar etc. But there's only a small chance. So when you don't get one of the greats, the screen continues to prompt you to try again, telling you what spectacular players you could get, if you would only stump up another fiver. And another fiver, and another. With no guarantees of ever getting anything worth having. And it takes seconds to do.

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lostincumbria · 16/01/2018 08:33

Sounds like you need to educate them on money in general. They're never to young to learn and understand. My youngest is a confirmed save to spend, and has been like that since he was 8/9. Game add ons are a con, and they seem to be nearly there in understanding that.

Sit them down, talk about what they might want to save for later in the year (new games, gadgets, etc) and how they can make it grow (pocket money for chores etc).

If they still want to blow it, make it clear they'll be back at zero and what they'll need to do to get another pot like it (and follow through).

FlouncyDoves · 16/01/2018 08:34

In their eyes YABU. But seeing as they’re children and you’re the parent who gives a toss? You’re parenting them the way you see fit. Continue.

Pengggwn · 16/01/2018 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mintychoc1 · 16/01/2018 08:36

I accept I was wrong to give them the money if I wasn't going to let them do what they wanted with it. In my innocence I thought they would spend it very gradually, maybe saving it for football boots, or at least spreading the Xbox "enjoyment" over months. It's the rapidity that has shocked me. Interestingly my 8 year old has hardly spent any of his money. He seems better able to hold back.

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