To not let my kids spend their Christmas money

[Mintychoc1]

I have 2 boys, age 12 and 8. They are pretty active, love football etc, but like many other kids they also like to spend ages on the bloody Xbox.

Now I always innocently believed that once you'd bought a game, that was it - you played the game. But no - there are seemingly infinite ways to spend more money, buying accessories for your character, new players for your team etc, and so the potential for spending is huge. These acquisitions enhance the game experience for about half a day as far as I can see, then the kids want more. It's a bottomless pit.

Both kids asked for some money for Christmas, which I duly gave them (as well as plenty of other stuff). Now we are arguing about spending it. I allowed them to spend a fair bit of it on these Xbox bonuses over Christmas, but now I'm being stricter. I can't bear the thought of them pissing away my hard-earned cash on such transient enjoyment. That money was meant to last them months, not weeks.

They think it's their money and they should be allowed to spend it as they choose. I think they're too young to make that decision, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't given it to them.

To put it in context, these Xbox bonuses cost plenty. One of their friends spent £250 in a week (without his parents' knowledge) on new kit for his character! My kids have nothing like that amount, but it goes to show how easily large sums can be frittered away.

So, AIBU to regulate how and when they spend their own money?

And another fiver, and another. With no guarantees of ever getting anything worth having. And it takes seconds to do.

Jeez. That’s just straight-up gambling.

Don’t care where they got the money from, I’d be pissed off at my children getting targeted like that. It’s bad enough for adults.

It is not gambling (the ones where you don't know what you'll get have been banned) but it is very close and uses similar addiction tricks to pull people in. Always small amounts of cash but each item only adds something very small so you feel like you have to keep going - just one more, just one more. They are often poised as well so that you either need to pay the money or (there's normally a free way to get the item) graft/repeat boring interactions in the game for an unsustainable amount of time, and every time you come up against an obstacle or at intervals the game will point you towards the paid shortcut and enticingly point it out. So it's the same thrill of a potential win. But then when you buy the item or credit it turns out that the actual play value is about enough to get you almost to the hump of the next interesting/difficult bit and the cycle repeats. Periodically, the game will update to get harder which means that the rewards and bonuses never actually end and you can chase this feeling for months or years. It makes the companies a mint.

IMO it is naive to assume that children of this age will learn from their mistake re wasting money in this specific way - because the games are set up cleverly to avoid this kind of thinking and to suck you in in order to spend more money. Again, the techniques are designed to be addictive and compelling to adults - the effect is much stronger on a developing brain where the child doesn't have the same impulse control.

God do they really still do mystery player packs on FIFA? That's awful. I thought that had been totally stopped (V recently though).

It doesn't change the fact that the mechanics of microtransactions are based on addiction, even when in theory you can see what you're buying.

Personally, whilst it is their money to do with as they please, as a parent it is also our responsibility to teach them about money, savings, responsibility etc and not to just fritter it away because it is there.

I would perhaps approach it with the mind set that a certain percentage is to be spent how they choose, but the rest should be saved. I think perhaps 50/50.

I was going to say YABU, it’s their money.

But given the way those purchases work, you wouldn’t be unreasonable to ban those type of purchases full stop. It would be different if they knew exactly what they were getting for their money.

I think maybe your best bet is banning these micro transactions. Completely. So yeah they can have their money but they aren’t allowed micro transactions. I’ve just been reading into it and it’s not happy reading. From now on they get the game and that’s it. No extras nothing. Like you said it’s the 12 y/o spending not the younger one which is the exact age this market is aimed at.

I agree mostly with not limiting what they spend their money on (although I know how difficult it is to keep quiet when they "waste" it) and also agree that the less input you have the more quickly they will learn how to budget for themselves.

But game/app transactions are different - as you've said many directly resemble gambling, such as Fifa or Star Wars. But even the others are all done in a way that they play with you psychologically and lure players in to spending more and more and more - there are some studies out there that are fascinating. There's the social pressure to keep up with what friends/other players have, and the games are all calculated in a way that makes it easy to start playing for free and even easier to pay, but ever more difficult not to fork out. The pay to win model also drags you in with the sunk cost fallacy too - once you've paid money, if you stop paying you lose the advantages you had or others players catch up, then the money you spent already has been for nothing - unless you just put in another £5/£10/£20.

I've known people get to the point they were taking out payday loans for online gaming, and I've been there myself - I got to the point that I had no money left after bills each month because I was pouring it all into games, and now refuse to play anything on a "pay to win" model because I know how easy it is to get sucked into the mindset of "it's just a couple of quid this time. Maybe another £5? Another £5 won't hurt. Well I spent £20 Total last month so £10 in one go won't hurt this once".

It's also easy to write it off as comparing apples and oranges - online gaming to in app purchases - but the calculated psychological draw behind them is the same. And for a relevant example - 13yo Dsis has always been very good with money, stretching it so that she usually gets plenty out of it. (Of course there are junk purchases as with any child/teen). But she and DM have had arguests after several birthdays or Christmases now because she's not allowed to spend £££ on Roblox purchases - £5/£10 total over a few months, but no more.

I know mine's a pretty extreme example and pretty far from your DS' situation, and I don't have anyone to blame but myself - because I'm an adult.
But I don't think a child/teen has the emotional intelligence or experience to recognise what these micro-transactions are designed for, or to evaluate them in the same way you would other purchases.

So while in general I wouldn't set restrictions on DC spending their own money (within legal/safe parameters of course) I absolutely would limit in app or game purchases. Not stop them doing it entirely, but set limits.

Tl;dr - YANBU, game transactions are designed to work psychologically in the same way as gaming, and children/teens don't have the maturity to limit themselves to "safe" spending the same way they would evaluate other spending.

I used to like gaming (casually) a few years ago before this was a thing, as a player being bombarded with offers to purchase something to essentially continue playing parts of the game would REALLY piss me off and make me not want to play it! How is this not ruining the enjoyment of games, esp for older ppl who have known better?!

Of course it's not too late to say you're not paying for additions to the game. let them spend their money how they want then that's it. No more. Not a penny.
You can't blame the game makers for trying to make more money. It's down to you as a parent to say NO! If you can't then ban the games.

This is a contentious subject in my home too. I allow things like texture packs on Minecraft as they do add to the game, don't run out and you can see exactly what you get for the money and the while family benefit as it's on the xbox. Anything that buys 'coins' that run out, I don't allow.
I agree that all this microtransaction marketing at kids is awful.

It's too late. Next year, don't give them money. You can't dictate how they spend it.

Just don't give them any more and remind them they were warned.

Give them a limit of what they can spend on the game, once it’s gone it’s gone. I agree that they should be able to spend it now you’ve given it but I wouldnt allow mine to spend the full amount on Xbox add ons!!

I'd compromise. Spend a bit on their "transient" pleasure, save a bit. Then they decide for themselves if it's worth it. But it is their money and they should get to spend at least some. My kids have spent on Xbox, Pokemon, all the latest fads. To me I can't see the attraction but why give them money and be so controlling and joyless with it? Remember when you were a child...the excitement of being able to choose what you wanted?

I’d my DCs get money gifts the general rule is spend half save half, unless it’s a smaller amount or there is something in particular they want or have saved for. I think the OP giving them some to fritter is the right thing as they have to learn for themselves how to spend money wisely and experience is the only way to learn this. I know teenage friends of DCs that are terrified of spending money or their allowance as they worry about what their parents will say. That’s the other extreme.

Stop giving them money OP! They pester you for it because they know you will give them it! Stop pandering to their Xbox obsession! Just stop. Be unpopular. You are supposed to have some adult guiding wisdom.

If the OP came on here in a couple of years time saying her DS had developed an addiction to these types of purchases, I wonder how many people would still be saying it’s his money and he can spend it how he likes.

I don’t suppose many parents give their 12year olds complete free reign over their money anyway. Even if it’s unspoken I suspect there are things most parents would find it completely unacceptable to be buying.

I would sit down and discuss with them your concerns that if they Christmas money but won’t be getting any more until their birthday and if the choice to spend it all before then they will have nothing else to spend. It is better they are allowed to make financial choices they regret now than in 10 years time.

Generally, I'd say that you can't tell someone how they're to spend their own money. But surely it's our job as parents to guide them towards sensible choices, including sensible purchases within reason? I mean, they're 8 and 12 - it's very young to expect them to manage any amount of money above token pocket money responsibly. Hell, I should have probably still had a parental veto over my spending when I was working at 16-18 because I wasted my money on some really stupid things, and with the benefit of hindsight I wish I had someone to say "don't be daft, your Sims don't need the IKEA expansion pack".

I thinking they are old enough to understand you if you you say you don't want hear another word about new things to you buy.. And if you do hear you will take something x box related away.

I understand where you're coming from as my children are the same. They want to keep spending their money on additional things needed to play a game. However, I let them spend their money but do advise them that once it is gone it is gone and if they want something else they see they won't be able to buy it because they've spent it all on this game! They are starting to understand this now and are very choosey about what they spend it on.

I also don't think yabu! I'm obv in the minority but why does no one want to actually parent their kids any more and help guide them to make sensible decisions?! Gift money here gets put in bank acc that they can only access with permission or saved for events/trips out that we know 'fritter money' is part of the enjoyment (fairs/fetes etc). Obv at 14/15 they'll have more autonomy but by then maybe they'll have a better idea of what's value & what's not.

My 14yo spends a lot on DLC for his games. I don't care, it's his money.

It's VU to decide what they spend it on. The whole point of them getting some money as well as gifts was so they had the choice of what to buy.

My DDs will happily spend money like water! I have had some success with making them think and wait - so if we are in town and they see something they want, unless it is a sale bargain that won't be there next week or something they have specifically gone in to look for I ask them to write it down or take a pic on her phone (the older one) and wait a week. 9 times out of 10 they don't bother asking to go back. They are 14 and 10 (the older one is an adult and her money is her own and earned so she can do as she pleases!). Same with games and apps - take the details down and wait a few days.
DD3 was glad the other day that she hadn't spent all her money when she realised she had enough to buy new sets for her Lego Dimensions game. (She gets £3/week pocket money)

There is nothing wrong in guiding your children on how to spend money and on what etc. I don't give money because I know it will be wasted. Think they are too young to make those decisions.