To not let my kids spend their Christmas money

[Mintychoc1]

I have 2 boys, age 12 and 8. They are pretty active, love football etc, but like many other kids they also like to spend ages on the bloody Xbox.

Now I always innocently believed that once you'd bought a game, that was it - you played the game. But no - there are seemingly infinite ways to spend more money, buying accessories for your character, new players for your team etc, and so the potential for spending is huge. These acquisitions enhance the game experience for about half a day as far as I can see, then the kids want more. It's a bottomless pit.

Both kids asked for some money for Christmas, which I duly gave them (as well as plenty of other stuff). Now we are arguing about spending it. I allowed them to spend a fair bit of it on these Xbox bonuses over Christmas, but now I'm being stricter. I can't bear the thought of them pissing away my hard-earned cash on such transient enjoyment. That money was meant to last them months, not weeks.

They think it's their money and they should be allowed to spend it as they choose. I think they're too young to make that decision, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't given it to them.

To put it in context, these Xbox bonuses cost plenty. One of their friends spent £250 in a week (without his parents' knowledge) on new kit for his character! My kids have nothing like that amount, but it goes to show how easily large sums can be frittered away.

So, AIBU to regulate how and when they spend their own money?

You could compromise and let them spend half on the games. You said you have often stopped them spending their money. Maybe money isn’t the best present to give them if you don’t trust them to spend it wisely.

Nah these microtransactions are a con and they are very cleverly set up in order to intice adults in - YANBU to restrict them from using money for that. It's not about morals or "deciding what to spend" but they are set up almost to be like gambling, in that it's small amounts of money and yet you can never quite get the whole set so it adds up to far more. I actually think they should be banned from marketing to under 16s. It's not fair because they don't have the mental development of adults so v addictive marketing like this pitched at an adult level is even stronger on them.

If you did want to allow it I'd buy them a gift card for a set amount and say no more - it's got to last - but our approach is just to blanket ban all microtransactions.

I don't mind DS wasting money away on sweets or trading cards or those silly little collectible things though I do try to point out that they are a waste of money, I do very much mind him being heavily marketed to in a way that I don't believe he is developmentally able to resist if given the opportunity. I would rather ban it until he's able to access and control his own money (and then we'd talk about the problem.)

But surely the way you learn not to spend money on crap is by doing so at least once?!

I'd rather my kids blew their birthday money on video games at those ages - yes it's a waste but so are most things. They're hardly going to spend it on good quality shoes or a nice sensible book are they? They're kids who want to buy toys, games and sweets - none of which are especially good value for money but they're fun.

I think you need to stop thinking of it as your money. It's £50 (or whatever) that you've spent on your children - it's no longer yours. It's gone. They can choose to save it, spend it on Xbox games or a cinema trip or ten meals at McDonald's - it's theirs now.

I'm really glad my parents let me spend my birthday money on tat at that age - I got all my stupid spending
out of the way while I had no major financial responsibilities.

Did you say they spent a lot on this already in the holidays?

My kids just have tablets but they aren't allowed to make in-app purchases. It's a ridiculous waste of money.

I'd set a limit that you are ok with a month and when it's gone, it's gone. I would feel sick if my kids spent 100 pounds on imaginary outfits for game characters.

DS is allowed to buy tangible add ons such as characters for Disney Infinity (the physical plastic ones), as these can be kept, swapped, sold on, etc, and they are a decent chunk of money so he tends to think about it and they add a fair bit of expansion to the game. But not digital credit items like skins, coins or in-app purchases, because of the way they are set up and marketed.

If they are not responsible enough for the money why did you give it to them?

Let them blow it and refuse to give in to requests.

I had parents like you - I’m nearly 50 - I can still remember that feeling of having no control of my own money - YABU but I don’t think you’ll take any notice

Plus, it is nothing to do with it being "digital" or imaginary - I would have no issue with spending money on renting a digital film from amazon for example, which you can watch once and then it's gone, or digital music, or e-books.

It is purely to do with the marketing, it is predatory and IMO irresponsible.

Definitely some lessons learned here for me.

Interestingly DS1 blew his summer birthday money pretty quickly on nothing, then a few weeks later he saw some wonderful new football boots that he absolutely HAD to have. (he already had new boots for his birthday, so he didn't need them, just wanted them as they were cool) . I pointed out that he couldn't have them as he'd spent all his money. He was very upset, and made me promise to never let him fritter his money away like that again. So, fast forward to now, and I keep reminding him of this conversation, but he now shrugs it off. I think this proves my point that he doesn't have the maturity to learn and reflect on bad decisions just yet, hence my need to step in.

I have now offered to let them have a certain amount of their Christmas money per week, which they can either spend or save. They're not happy though, because the FIFA offer only lasts a week apparently. Of course I doubt that very much, I suspect FIFA will think of a new clever way to squeeze more money out of them next week, and the week after, and so on for ever!

Let them do it this time, and then refuse to give them money as a gift again? I don't think it's fair of you to dictate how they spend money that is now theirs. Learn from it and move on.

Yabu

If you want to control what they get, buy them presents.

You gave them the money as a gift. It's not yours. Explain in advance you won't be handing over more cash. Let them spend it then refuse to give them any more. Lesson learnt.
My kids don't make in app or x box purchases like this. Once you start it sets a precedent. They don't see the money or the transaction happening in a shop and don't have a physical item once you've paid. They don't see it as real money spent. Time to change that.

Is this game Fortnight? All my boys am including you DH in that are mad for it and I feel your pain.

It's a crazily addictive game and does annoy me that they are constantly bringing out new stuff.

My guys have to do "jobs" for me to earn money and they are only allowed to buy one thing a month so they have to think very carefully about what is important to them and prioritise what to buy-maybe you could make that rule?

YANBU
Inapp purchases, tablet or xbox are banned in our house. I have explained that it is because the companies are trying to manipulate them and they are not old enough to resist.
Why not add up what they have spent so far, when they see it as a big chunk of money it will be more shocking I think.

Talk to them about this. Say you I worry that they'll spend it all and then ask for more. make him promise that they won't ( even if they do) and then agree to spend half?

If you don't think he's mature enough to decide how it's spent, why are you giving him money?

Yabu and yanbu. I was never ever allow to spend any money given to me growing up...all went into a savings account. Hence why i never give money presents now. I hated the fact growing up i didnt get any presents or choice any thing myself. However as a adult that saving account was my deposit for a house. Can you meet half way spend half the money on what they want, save the rest

It's FIFA and fortnite.

As some people have said, I think it's the predatory nature of some of these games that particularly annoys me. The marketing is genius, but nasty. It's all gambling. You can spend £10 on a "football pack", which might include some amazing players, but might not. If you get rubbish players, you can spend another £10, in the hope you get better luck next time. And so it goes on. And it's targeting kids.

I've give the kids money in the past, but this Xbox spending seems to be new and took me by surprise. I won't be making this mistake again.

The only way they are going to learn to manage money is to have regular pocket money. Not "can I have £X for Y?" but "you get £Z every week, and once it's gone it's gone".

The 8 year old will still need to have most things bought for him and only fritterable money for pocket money but the 12 year old should be making progressively bigger decisions and dealing with the consequences of those decisions.

Maybe give them the money in vouchers and say that it is their years allowance of micro transactions. When it’s gone it’s completely gone and there will be no more money in 2018. Then when it’s gone you need to stand firm

Can completely sympathise (remember interminable conversations with mine, along the lines of "are you really, really, absolutely certain you want to spend your Christmas/birthday money on X Box Live/rip-off in-app purchases", etc, etc), but it is their money, and you have to let them get on with blowing it, unfortunately. At some point (probably when they're about 45 and have jobs), they'll be more discriminating...

You are not being unreasonable. It is your job as a parent to teach them what is worthwhile spending (including worthwhile spending on frivolous, fun things) and what is not.

I used to work for a company that literally made billions off of these microtransactions. They are addictive. They are cleverly made. They are designed to have you spend more and more and more money on the smallest of things. It's never the big stuff that stops you advancing in the game, it's always the tiny stuff. Cause "it's only a 90p item, that's not much"! I stopped working there the moment I realised it's designed to be as addictive as gambling and it's aimed at primarily children.