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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister in Law 'stole' the name we were going to use for our son - AIBU

293 replies

SendMeOnMyWay · 13/01/2018 08:45

Hi everyone. Feel pretty ridiculous posting here but I'm so upset.

8 months ago my beloved grandfather died. This guy literally raised me as my own parents couldn't give a shit most of the time. He died at a very young age too, and very suddenly, which made things much harder.

My partner and I decided from that point if we ever had a son he'd be named after my grandfather. A few months later I found myself pregnant when we didn't even think I could get pregnant - I suffer from PCOS. I'm 23 and we had been trying for about a year. Later on, we found out we were having a boy and I've never been happier.

Before I found out I was pregnant, my partners sister discovered she was. In all fairness, I've always had a decent relationship with this woman until she found out she was having a boy and confided in me that she didn't want a boy and was disappointed. As someone who has tried for a while to have a baby this wasn't nice to hear at all. Along with this, her situation over having a baby was very rushed. She only met her partner about 9 months ago now and he already has five kids from two previous relationships who all live with them both. They couldn't fit more kids in their 3 bed house if they tried. AGAIN, I don't want to sound an evil person, I was trying my best not to judge but I guess now I'm pissed off.

So, we were discussing names and I told her we were naming our son after my grandfather. She claimed they didn't have a name yet and couldn't decide on one. Their baby is due about 2-3 months before ours but I still didn't panic because who on earth would expect a family member to steal a baby name.

Going to cut this long story short here by saying that her and her partner have indeed decided to give their son the name we wanted for our son. Apparently she didn't think there was anything wrong with doing that as their son 'is gonna be born first' and 'that's just the way it is'. The name meant and means the world to me. Would it be totally awful and ridiculous if I still go on to name our son the same thing? It was our sons name first and a lot of thought went into it, whether he's going to be born first or not.

To make me feel even worse, my partner hasn't once stood up for me. He's known for being very laid back with his family members and claims he 'doesn't like conflict' but I'm just fed up. I said from the day my grandfather died that if I had a son he'd take on his name. Partners sister KNEW this too. It isn't like she just thought we were mentioning a cute name. She KNEW it was my grandfathers name and was even one of the people to comfort me when he died...

AIBU? What do you ladies think.

Thank you.

OP posts:
TeaAndToast85 · 13/01/2018 14:40

Deffo do the fb post thing!!!!

Desmondo2016 · 13/01/2018 14:44

I would tell her you are, as she is already aware, using that name so if she doesn't want them to have the same name she needs to think of something different

LyraPotter · 13/01/2018 15:11

I don't think there is anything at all wrong with naming your son that name anyway. My husband has 2 cousins from the same side of the family with the same name and nobody thinks anything of it. I think it was unfair of your sister in law to take the name, but I wouldn't let that stop you from using it.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 13/01/2018 15:36

Yes, you most definitely can steal a name - as the OP's SIL is aptly demonstrating.

CPtart · 13/01/2018 15:40

Without being unkind she's not your SIL. She's no relation to you and neither is her baby. Call your DS whatever you want.

ColinsVeryJolly · 13/01/2018 15:45

Just snorted at 'Shit Dave' derangedmermaid Grin

littlerobyn · 13/01/2018 15:47

@derangedmermaid 😂😂😂

rcit · 13/01/2018 15:59

Use the name.

Anyone commenting that SILs baby has the same name, you can say “yes I was surprised as well, we told her we were using it when she was still undecided on a name”

Wide0penSpace · 13/01/2018 16:15

Is it Albert? I've met a few baby Alberts recently.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/01/2018 18:33

Name him after your grandad.

Greensleeves · 13/01/2018 18:39

I think that was quite mean-spirited of her.

If you don't mind them sharing the name, you should definitely use it anway. It clearly means a lot to you Flowers

guestofclanmackenzie · 13/01/2018 18:48

I normally believe that no one owns a name but given the circumstances I think your SIL is being extremely insensitive with the "my baby is going to be here first so that's the way it is" attitude! What an absolute cow!

Make sure she knows you are still going ahead with naming your baby your grandfathers name and you never know she could back down.

I'd be a bit pissed off if my DH didn't support me on this one and have words with her though.

guestofclanmackenzie · 13/01/2018 18:49

Redialcallhold has it

Enidblyton1 · 13/01/2018 18:50

I would let SiL know that you are definitely going to name your DS after your Grandfather and won't it be sweet that cousins have the same name. This will probably annoy her - and might make her rethink her choice of name.
If you do end up with cousins called the same, it doesn't really matter. If anyone ever asks why they are called the same you can say light heartedly, 'we named our DS after my grandfather and I made the mistake of telling Sil, who then decided she liked the same too!' Make a joke of it. People may think your Sil is a bit strange, but hey ho....

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 13/01/2018 19:34

Give your child the name you wanted to. Surprisingly enough, lots of people have the same name - even in families when the same names can be strong.

theymademejoin · 13/01/2018 21:02

@coragreta - but really it's going to confuse the grandparents who have two grandchildren with the same name.

If they end up confused, they are obviously very easily confused! My grandparents had 22 grandchildren, 15 boys and 7 girls. Two of the girls had the same name, as did one of my aunts. 3 of the boys were called A, as was my grandfather and one of my uncles, 3 of the boys were called B, as was one of my uncles and 2 of the boys were called C, as was one of my uncles. And uncle A, B and C each had a son with the same name.

Nobody was confused. There were some variants of the names used, with names being shortened or lengthed but the cousins were referred to as Peter's Paul or whatever.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 13/01/2018 21:16

I don't see the issue on either side. I like very very few boys' names and if I found one I loved, I wouldn't not-use it because someone might get their pants in a twist. Likewise, I wouldn't care if a family or friend 'copied' the name. There are Muslim families where 20 different children are called Muhammed - do you think they get confused? Uh, no. It's not rocket science.

cherryontopp · 13/01/2018 21:36

Any update?

Did you do the Facebook announcement OP?

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