To think having sex as a female is dangerous

[Bumsnetnetbums]

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

Well I've no idea what you thought sex was like when you were a teen but i was a teen during the "Don't die of ignorance" era, so I've pretty much had a lifelong "put a condom on until i see your STI check come back negative rule.

Sex is dangerous for women, more so than for men and always has been. But it always has been and is safer now than ot used to be.

bumsnet

On some level some women are responsible for this imo. I am not perfect either. But I know too many women that just... take shit. Put up with it. Or think that it’s not an issue because it didn’t happen to them...

Yes, definitely not every woman. Many are strong, protect themselves, stand up for themselves.

I have a friend that took her ex to court for something like this. Not in the U.K. btw. He had to pay for medical treatment, got sentenced to what one might call a misdemeanour (way to low, but still, something). And no, she isn’t rich or anything. She was simply furious.

As for the women that say they don’t like condoms... yes, I understand that when they’re in a relationship. Of course. And I’ll always blame the person abusing this trust and not their victim.

But if it’s a one night stand? An on / off or friends with benefits situation?

It's quite disturbing to think that the "Don't die of ignorance" / Tombstone adverts were released about 35 years ago. There's never been anything quite like that since. For my generation, condoms were regarded as pretty well mandatory but I get the impression that's no longer the case.

Very lazy policy on behalf of successive governments. What sex-ed there does seem to be around seems to focus on testing. Seems short-sighted to me, condom use is prevention which is always better than cure. We've become very complacent as a country about the threat of STDs.

Note that contrary to the opinions raised on this thread, over the past 50 years, the group that has been the most at risk from sexually transmitted diseases has been homosexual-men. Not straight men. Not women.

People are not taking the piss out of you because of the gun analogy, because you didn't say a penis is like a gun, you said a penis can literally be like a gun that shoots you.

OP you should probably never have sex with a man again if you are worried.

Dad agreed with the sex ed. Youngsters now educated by porn and what was risque is now mainstream. Anal sex comes with a much increased risk of infection. As do threesomes.
The thing is whether you trust your partner or not, imo, you never can rely on them not to make a mistake. So our health is our business. It is important for us and our kids.

Silvery are women a bit thick for loving someone and trusting them? No.
Wasnt my suggestion to move to feminism i can take the pathetic comments meant to be humerous.

Bingbong yes youve been very lucky.

Bv isnt an sti but virgins rarely get it.

OP, why do you assume that no men get infected by their wives cheating on them? On MN we have female posters coming on regularly and admitting that they are or have been unfaithful to their partners. So why is this seen as a problem with men rather than a problem with lack of protection?

Surely if STIs are transmitted through heterosexual sex, then there will be as many women infecting men as vice versa? So why not equally start a post warning men against ever having sex with a woman?

Op, are you particularly anxious about your health ordinarily? This level of fear you have seems disproportionate.

Is it common sense to use condoms? What about uneducated teenagers? Women coerced into sex? Those raped in marriage or who do it because its easier than getting grief off a partner. What about women who are drunk? What about those who have mental health problems? Low self esteem? Those who feel they wont be loved if they dont? Post menopsusal women thinking the risk is low since they cant get pregnant?
Not so hilarious when you think of the women whose voices are not loud enough.
Is it?

Cory because my post was aimed at women
I dont deny that men are at risk. It is much less common so my focus is on us.

Also, sex is safer nowadays.

We have the right to say no (yes, too many women are in positions that make this impossible but still. At least we have the right to do that. We can say no when we suspect our husband of cheating, for example). We can demand that our partner wears condom.

The likelihood of a woman dying from complications after giving birth is so much smaller nowadays as well.

Woman can take control of their body with contraceptive medicine. (Yes, there’s a cost / risk. But my great grandfather had 13 siblings that made it to adulthood... his mother had no choice. I have had one.)

We have STD tests. A surprising amount of things are treatable if they’re detected early...

Yes, maybe I’m being pathetically earnest or too emotional. Or preachy But idk.

Sometimes certain things scare me about our society. But women didn’t even have the vote when my mother was born...

So yeah. I want women to be strong, demand equal treatment and respect in their personal lives. And not let shitty men keep them from doing things they want to do.

Regular checks dont stop hpv. Or herpes/warts. Theyre only detected once a breakout occurs. Then they are dormant. But still there

Women should have sex with women instead. Problem solved.

"I dont deny that men are at risk. It is much less common so my focus is on us."

How can it be much less common unless men are contracting STIs through homosexual intercourse and then passing them into women?

Hope you managed to pick yourself up off the floor eventually Dilkinton. Are more educated person would have seen it for the metaphor it was

Cornetto
Comparing it to a gun is definitively safer than not.

I agree with barbarianmum above, I remember the hiv ads in the 80s, the message I got loud and clear before it even crossed my mind that I might want to do it, is that sex has to be done with a condom, to do anything else is a death sentence (that was the tone of the ads, not me being hysterical). For me certainly the message got though (and for a lot more as well) however for younger people who didn't see that campaign stds are much more prevalent.

However I think this is balanced by my generation being raging binge drinkers ( I'm generalizing obviously) as we were already drinking by the time the hard hitting binge drinking and drink driving campaigns came out, younger generations do seem to be more sensible than my peers when it comes to booze (again, on the whole) but much more frivolous about safe sex.

I think the message that hits you at the right time is the one that stays with you (I was also around when the Leah Betts campaign was a thing and I've never touched a drug in my life because of it), maybe we're due a revival of the no jonny = death campaign?

Is it common sense to use condoms? Yes.

What about uneducated teenagers? Educate your teenagers, for fucks sake.

Women coerced into sex? Those raped in marriage?

Our legal system and society should have better mechanisms in place to help victims of partner violence.

What about women who are drunk?
If no one forced them? If they were able to consent? Their responsibility.

What about those who have mental health problems? Society has a horrible track record with mental illness in general. It needs to change.

Low self esteem? Those who feel they wont be loved if they don’t?

Sad...

Post menopsusal women thinking the risk is low since they cant get pregnant?

In a relationship where they have reason to believe that their partner won’t sleep with other people or in more casual arrangements?
Condoms do more than (hopefully) prevent a pregnancy. I’d hope that a post menopausal woman in the U.K. was aware of that...

Maybe we need relationship agreements / contracts? With enforceable penalties if a partner infects the other through negligence (or even with intent)?

I know that this can be included in prenups in some countries....

And yes warts are harmless. But still horrible to have. Same with the others which are 'harmless'

Maybe you should think about counselling. Your opinions about sex are very extreme, if you don't want to have it again then that's obviously your choice and fine. But this seems more like extreme anxiety issues rather then reality at play here.

You could walk out the door and get hit by a car tomorrow, or die in a car crash. Life is full of risks, taking precautions but living a full life is far healthier then fearing it.

I'm happy to be shot

Freddie yes maybe we should. And make it an offence to infect someone in a committed relationship with an std.