To think having sex as a female is dangerous

[Bumsnetnetbums]

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

And make it an offence to infect someone in a committed relationship with an std.

Yes. Or try whether we could al least make it a breach of contract (in the U.K.).

Sorry to be a broken record but this is an issue I feel very strongly about as it directly affects my kids..... the HPV vaccine which your daughters will be given by the NHS will prevent them from suffering from genital warts. They're the lucky ones. I agree that these are horrible and that no condition caused by HPV is truly "harmless"

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to include links in my posts, but hopefully I am and you can see this link below. It's a petition to get the government to introduce the HPV Vaccine for boys.

www.change.org/p/jeremy-hunt-uk-health-secretary-introduce-hpv-vaccination-for-boys-to-stop-many-preventable-cancers-3

How would that work in practice? Very unrealistic and unlikely.

I know someone who developed genital herpes after recieving oral sex. Should her now husband be convicted of that and ruin a relationship?

Yy to who said women are in part responsible for putting up with such absolute shit in a marriage. No amount of 'going to counselling' or 'one last chance' is going to erase the total disdain for your health which was demonstrated by husbands dipping their dick in another woman and pretending it was ok.
And no. I'm not at all anxious. Just realistic. Head cancer or throat warts from a blowjob? No ta

See I dont think that even in the 80s, the message went through.
When I met H, I asked him to do some tests, incl checking for AIDS. (Not british btw, where I come from, this was seen as a sign you loved the person - no sex ever wo a condom until 1- the relationship was stable and 2- you had done the test)
To which I was told that actually no it want a good idea because doing that test meant issues getting a mortgage afterwards (which it was, we were asked the question if either of us had a test in our mortgage application). Going to a clinic for an STI check was the worst shame ever.

There is also the issue that condoms do not protect against ALL STI, some of them are contracted by Just touching genitals.

I think that the OP is slightly over the top. But it is true that having sex can be a dangerous thing for women, and for women much more than men (pregnancy and the fact they are more affected by said STI).
It is also true that women are educated in such a way that those things are seen as part of being a woman and accepted (same than women accept taking the pill with all its side effects whereas the men given a contraceptive pill with the same side effects saw the trial stopped because they ‘were too serious to carry on’).
The seriousness of those STI and pregnancy certainly needs to be highlighted much more than it is atm.

There’s a man in Scotland serving time (quite rightly) because he deliberately infected several partners with HIV.

You make it sound fucking inevitable that you will get cancer from a blow job. Stop being so ridiculous.

Nick
Depends. Oral herpes is obvious you know if you have it. If he went down on her and she was aware then no she knew the risk.

Anyone been a victim of stealthing?

I have. Dating a bloke for a while. Have sex, he slips off the condom without me noticing (latex allergy, condoms feel very diff from latex ones and can barely feel them so him slipping it off was very hard to tell.)

He got me pregnant (cant take the pill or other contraceptives he KNEW THIS!) I hit the roof the second I realised he had taken the condom off. Morning after pill the lot. But it didn't work.

I should've prosecuted. I didn't. I was too busy dealing with the health screening, the abortion and everything else that comes with it.

I Dont trust men. I have been cheated on several times. I have been told by other women I 'need to pick better men' All the men I have dated have been reasonable, decent guys until they cheat or take the condom off and effectively assault me. They are hard to spot, hard to filter out when dating.

with my contraceptive issues - cant take the pill, cant get sterilised because I'm still 'too young' I am refusing to date. I have a decent vibrator, a good dildo to deal with that side of my life. The rest I can live without because to open up myself to a man again would leave me vulnerable again and there is no way I am willing to risk do that.

I'm with you OP. There are a lot of decent men out there but there are a good number of absolute fuckwits who have no consideration to the effects of their behaviour on women, on me and that makes life so much harder.

I am ridiculously careful, sensible and very much into using protection as well as being screened regularly - every year at a minimum - at the GUM clinic even for HIV and yet I still became a victim of one mans abusvie ways.

Nick have you ever had a mouth full of genital warts? I know someone who did.
No need to swear it doesnt make your post any clearer

Nick if he knew that he had herpes, actually yes, some people have been convicted for that.

And actually yes, probably no one should have or give oral sex before a full STI check has been done.

But can you see that happening? Seeing the answer from the #MeToo campaign in the last couple of days, I doubt men will be happy to forgo oral sex until they have been tested. It will go against the freedom of having a sex life etc.. I’m sure (and yes I’m aware this is not true of all men too)

No she wasn't aware. My point being, the passing of std is a minefield and there is no way that generally speaking people will ever be prosecuted for passing one on. How would you prove "reckless" and "knowingly"? (The case of hiv is clearly a different issue and he was rightfully convicted)

Rooms so so sorry for your experiences. But thanks for sharing. I doubt anyone here can call you a handwringer.
Yy to your post. The reason i started the thread. I hope youre ok. Not so piss funny now is it??

bums you don't get genital warts in your mouth. You get oral herpes in your mouth.

herminone find me a case of someone being convicted of spreading herpes? I predict you can't.

And yet millions of us somehow manage to survive years of close encounters with these penile weapons. Have you stopped to wonder why that is?

I doubt men will be happy to forgo oral sex until they have been tested whilst im aware the law clearly isn't a deterrent unfortunately , the men won't be willing makes it sound like the majority of men would force their partner into it if they said no. If you think that the majority of men are rapists in waiting then I can understand never having a sexual relationship with a man . If you don't believe that, then the answer is tough

Why is HIV different?
It’s an STI just like herpes.
Most people don’t have any major issues anymore. They live their life in good health. Not much different from herpes that you will keep all your life too.

The issue is the same. If you know (because for example, youve had symptoms) and you still have sex with someone and take the risk of giving them the disease, you do it knowingly.
Ad that’s not acceptable.

bums yes I am fine thank you. All good an no long term damage. There are a lot of women who may have had this happen and not quite realised either.

for me, that man was decent, respectful and caring until that moment. There was no way to tell and he defo used condoms every other time before because it was hard to hide a full condom.

Nick youre confusin hpv with hsv ie warts and herpes. They are different viruses. Yes genital warts thrive in the oral cavity as they do in genitals- warm dark and moist. Some hpv viruses cause cervical cell changes. There are many strains.
There are 2 strains of herpes, oral and genital. Oral can be transmitted to genitals.
Confusing these demonstrates the public ignorance around stis and their routes of transmission.

Nick

Also depends on the kind of herpes, doesn’t it?

About 60-70 %of people in apparently Europe have ‘coldsores’ / HHV1. Being surprised if you get those seems a bit... “surprising”.

In the case of HIV it’s apparently rather easy to determine who infected whom etc (by analysing the virus? don’t ask me how.)

I wonder whether that’s the same for HHV2 and other STDs?

*About 60-70 %of people in Europe apparently have ‘coldsores’ / HHV.

Oops.

herminone You actually have to ask what the difference is between hiv and herpes? Wow.

sleeping you dint need to rape someone to make them feel they have to.
Social pressure, esp amongst teenagers, is often enough to push women to accept things they shouldn’t. The same happens now with anal sex for example (and the important increase in visits to A&E because of that).
Not wanting to be seen as a nag or ‘frigid’ or .
The fear of never finding a partner if you don’t have oral sex as it’s so normal etc etc.

If you want that asking for a STI check first is seen as normal, it would mean that having a STI check first at the start of a relationship is seen as normal too. It isn’t.
And yes I do think most men would take it as an insult tbh. Because STI as still associated with being promiscuous and ‘not a nice person’

Yes I do know the difference thanks.
Do you??