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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think having sex as a female is dangerous

442 replies

Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 11:12

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

OP posts:
squishee · 12/01/2018 13:16

We are grown-ups. We manage those risks via condoms and / or regular screening.
I wonder what happened to you to make you think this way.

quitealotlost · 12/01/2018 13:16

Bumsnetnetbums Maybe consider asking people to move this to relationships or health?

People in AIBU especially can be arseholes. It seems like they're out in force today.

The other issue with men of course is the risk of male sexual violence or crappy behaviour because of their feel8nfs of entitlement.

I was talking with some friends about online dating the other day and we mentioned predatory men using OLD. My lesbian friend said there are plenty of predatory women using OLD also.

It really took me aback. My friend has never dated men, and has no idea the scale of their arsehole-ness. I'm sure she'd be shocked to learn I've been raped 3 times and sexually assaulted several other times. I just don't believe sleeping with women poses the same threat

But - NAMALT obviously. And not all men have sexual diseases!

I wonder if you've been treated badly or if you're stressed or depressed and this is colouring your view?

Do you have a desire to have sex at all?

Yoir position is a fairly extreme one. While you're under no obligation to want sex - up to you entirely what you do with your body! - to rule it out entirely through fear doesn't sound healthy either, from a mental health point of view.

BigBaboonBum · 12/01/2018 13:16

Condoms

Scotsmum2017 · 12/01/2018 13:17

Wow, bit OOT! Use protection and calm down, good grief no need for this hysteria.

quitealotlost · 12/01/2018 13:18

quitealotlost Sorry I meant maybe consider asking MNHQ to move the thread!

DNB · 12/01/2018 13:20

😂

MinorRSole · 12/01/2018 13:20

It really took me aback. My friend has never dated men, and has no idea the scale of their arsehole-ness. I'm sure she'd be shocked to learn I've been raped 3 times and sexually assaulted several other times. I just don't believe sleeping with women poses the same threat

Well equally I assume you have never dated women? I haven't either but that wouldn't make me doubt a friend if she was saying that. In fact I have no trouble believing that women would be capable of sexual violence and that would be as awful an experience for the victims of it.

MinorRSole · 12/01/2018 13:22

I didn't mean that post to be unsympathetic towards you at all, I am sorry to hear what you went through. I have experienced similar myself. Just don't think it's necessary to diminish your friends experience

BattleCuntGalactica · 12/01/2018 13:23

Zardoz: Zardoz speaks to you, his chosen ones. You have been raised up from brutality, to kill the brutals who multiply, and are legion. To this end, Zardoz your god gave you the gift of the gun. The gun is good.
Exterminators: The gun is good.
Zardoz: The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!

To think having sex as a female is dangerous
Annamadrigal · 12/01/2018 13:24

BV isn't an STD misses point of thread

grannytomine · 12/01/2018 13:24

If a man is passing all this stuff onto a woman where did he get it? Was it another woman?

ProperLavs · 12/01/2018 13:27

omg, this is funny- thanks for cheering me up op.
Yes yes to calling Dr Freud.

sirlee66 · 12/01/2018 13:27

I see two solutions.

Option One - Only DTD with a partner if you're both in a commited, long term relationship with. Who you trust and know the sexual history of...

Option Two - use a condom.

Collaborate · 12/01/2018 13:28

This thread is weird. In a heterosexual setting 50% of the chain through which an STD passes is female. The man who gives a woman an STD will have caught that STD from a woman. Don't make this a gender issue. It's a common sense issue, in which everyone must be responsible for their own sexual health.

whycantwegoonasthree · 12/01/2018 13:28

I think you've clearly been having crap sex if this is your risk/benefit analysis.

MasterWu · 12/01/2018 13:31

It really took me aback. My friend has never dated men, and has no idea the scale of their arsehole-ness. I'm sure she'd be shocked to learn I've been raped 3 times and sexually assaulted several other times. I just don't believe sleeping with women poses the same threat

You've never dated women. Perhaps you'd be shocked by their "arsehole-ness"

pullingmyhairout1 · 12/01/2018 13:34

Teach your daughter the use of condoms and stop being so hysterical ffs.

quitealotlost · 12/01/2018 13:40

Well equally I assume you have never dated women? I haven't either but that wouldn't make me doubt a friend if she was saying that. In fact I have no trouble believing that women would be capable of sexual violence and that would be as awful an experience for the victims of it.

Nope. You're just making stuff up and believing it. There is a LOT of evidence on the difference between male and female crime.

Men commit something like 99% of sex crimes.

And yes, I have had women as sexual partners. But that's irrelevant as that's only personal experience - if you want to make sweeping statements about a population, maybe Google first.

Men commit sex crimes much, much more than women. It's a fact. I don't doubt there are areshole women out there - but I'm talking about rape and sexual assault here. Men are much riskier from that point of view.

quitealotlost · 12/01/2018 13:43

Did the whole #metoo campaign pass people by?

Namechange101110 · 12/01/2018 13:43

Oh OP, are you ok? You sound really wound up about this. Can I reassure you with the following:

Warts are pretty much harmless, viruses which cause visible warts are very unlikely to cause any other damage.
We have a world class cervical screening program with very effective treatments and a vaccination program against the strains of HPV most likely to cause problems.
Trichomoniasis is very easily treated with antibiotics.
BV can be caused by many things (to be fair unprotected sex can be one of those things) and again pretty easily treated.
Chlamydia and GC, while having the possibility to cause infertility tend to only do so if you've had multiple episodes or have had them untreated for ages and are, again pretty easy to treat in the main.
HIV isn't a killer any more in countries like ours where you can access treatment.
Hep B is rare in heterosexuals and there is a very effective vaccine available if you are at risk. You're also likely to overcome it if you catch it in adulthood.
Hep C is more likely to be passed on through blood to blood contact and is rarely seen in heterosexual sex.

There are a lot of STIs out there and it is a bit frightening but if you are able to apply a bit of perspective it really is ok.

Crinkle77 · 12/01/2018 13:44

I just don't believe sleeping with women poses the same threat Wasn't there a case a couple of years back where a girl tricked another girl in to having sex with her by posing as a man?

Korez · 12/01/2018 13:44

I somewhat agree with you OP, especially after reading about cases where HIV positive people (men and women) go out and deliberately infect others...

There are other types on infection that can cause massive issues with women and not so much men eg HPV... which are untestable on men (to the last of my knowledge)

So with a cheating or new man... you could be gambling with your life every time you have sex...

Sex is not what it was, however awareness is changing, and for those who don't care or are happy with the risks... they can't say they wern't told...

Never before have sexual health checks been easier to access, and I for one use them... and if I found out my partner had cheated/put me at risk in anyway... he'd definitely be on a ban for 3 months till he tested clear... (if that was even an option)...

quitealotlost · 12/01/2018 13:45

Crinkle77 nobody is saying it doesn't happen. The fact is men commit the vast majority or sex crimes, not all of them.

Korez · 12/01/2018 13:46

On top of that for those saying it's not too bad.... viruses also change and mutate... what works now for a good quality of life might not be life saving in future...

bingbongnoise · 12/01/2018 13:47

@bumsnetnetbums

A penis is like a gun shooting you. And wrecks your health

Bahahahah Grin

Have to say I being SHOT at. Hubba hubba!

And despite having sex with MANY men OK about 15 or 16 in my lifetime, including about 8-10 one night stands, I have never had any of the nasty shit the OP goes on about. Maybe I have been lucky.???

I think you may have ishooes OP! Sad