To feel my husbands family are a bit racist

[Winterandspring]

I think racist is probably the wrong word I’m looking for.

I met dh when he’d already been living in England for almost a decade and now we are expecting our first child the attitude is very much that it’s time for him to come ‘home’ now They constantly slag England off, the traffic, the high price of houses. Whenever we are there they stop at houses and shout ‘how much would this set you back in England eh’ and we say £200,000 or whatever and they shout triumphantly how much cheaper it is there! Neither of us like visiting because it’s a faff either flying and hiring a car or expensive ferry trips and they won’t come to us. Plus it’s tense the whole time due to them complaining about England and the schools or trying to shove food on us.

What is worrying me though is I have no support at all and have struggled in this pregnancy. Dh has been making ‘well maybe we could think about’ noises. I would struggle to get work over there and so really my support would be his family, I’d rather not!

I don’t know why I’m posting but there was an argument last night and it’s just been annoying me today.

Is it an IRA slogan?

Of course it is, and you knew it too.

@noOrdinaryPen You know fine well the significance of that phrase, and you're just embarrassing yourself now.

You're clearly still a product of the NI of 20 years ago that you left behind. It's moved on. You should too.

I'm Irish, with an English husband. We live in Ireland. My English in laws are forever saying how expensive things are here in Ireland. I'm sure what part of Ireland they are in and what part of England you are in but for the most the cost of living here is more expensive than in the UK. And we live in a provincial town - not a city.

it was always like that though Iwouldliketoknow, even when there was still the Punt.

Going way back in the thread but whoever said I haven’t gone to the trouble to get to know them ... I’ve known them for years and they’ve always been like this.

I have already said that dh will have to take the baby and go there if it comes to it

You'd want to cut ties to his family that badly?

Then do not move to Ireland. You'd never be free of them, especially once a grandchild comes along. How about telling your DH that you'd consider Ireland later in life - that you are not completely closed off to it. I know this could possibly rile up some Irish users, Ireland is a beautiful country and has a lot going for it, but I would not want to raise a daughter in Ireland if I had another choice, not currently anyway.

@Winterandspring getting back to the original question, why doesn’t your husband have a say in any of this?

DullAndOld we speak the same language

Saoirse

The sad thing about this thread is that I guess MN got the fear of racism in them.

Two posters who were nothing more than mildly dickish has posts deleted for no particular reason.

Winterandspring

Whilst it's no doubt annoying, I assume the in laws are thinking fondly of their own country( as most do) along with secretly wishing that their family would move back.

Take their comments on the chin but do have a serious conversation with your DH about his thoughts and make yours clear.

I say this as an ex-pat. DH and I both get vaguely similar comments from our families. We're both English and living in Africa.

Take it would be a lie.

I have no intention of moving there. I never have. Nor, until recently, had he.

Not, what do you mean?

@IamTheVeryModel bob’s post was deleted because it contained a pro IRA slogan, hardly “no reason” it was also being used to have a pop at Mags directly. Pro IRA slogans have no place on MN.

@Winterandspring I mean that you don’t like his parents so won’t even consider moving, and when he raised the idea you weren’t happy. Doesn’t he get a say in this too?

He can do what he wants

But I am not going

Fair enough OP, but do me a favour and don’t question why your ILs have an issue with you when you’ve got an attitude like that! My way or the highway never bodes well for any relationship.

Model the xenophobic insults weren’t actually “mildly dickish” and some of them in fact have been left standing.

I’ve explained why I have an attitude with them.

It’s because I can’t have an ordinary chat with them without them shouting at me.

Like I said, fair enough. And the reason you won’t even consider your husband’s opinion?

I reported the pro IRA comment. It was uncalled for and offensive. Just because a lot of people wouldn’t understand what it meant doesn’t mean it wasn’t out of line. I’m not Irish and I knew fine what it meant.

Not

If I moved to Ireland, I would not be able to work in my trained field. In theory it would be possible, in practice, people leave Ireland for England/wales for jobs. There just isn’t the work.

So I would be stuck at home with the baby and the ILs for “support”.

Not happening.

Now if this had always been a possibility fair enough. But I met dh in England, and he never mentioned wanting to go ‘home’ until this pregnancy.

Like I say he can do what he wants but I won’t be moving.

I find it strange they compare the cost of living between ghe two.

It depends where you live in the UK, obviously London would be expensive, nearly everywhere for accommodation, food, clothing is much more expensive in Ireland.

What part do they live, I may move there.

Fair enough about your work, but I think that just bluntly shutting him down is unfair. Can you explain your reasoning and listen to his rather than flat out just saying not happening?

I have.

What did he say??

Sorry the second ? wasn’t intended, my thumb hit it