How do you deal with kids who do this?

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

Visiting child...every time she's here and I am prepping for example a sandwich or bowl of icecream or whatever....she will say quickly "Can I have that one?"

And point to whichever is slightly larger.

Bowl of icecream, slice of cake, chopped up salami....doesn't matter what it is.

I think it's rude...should I say something? DD and the girl are both 10...
Today they were at my house (we're in Oz) and another two little girls were also playing and the girl did it again and DD then followed suit.

I should have said "DD we don't try to grab the biggest...it's not polite..." but because I've never called her friend out on it, I felt I couldn't.

I will need to say something now DD has begun it...

That didn't work - the child insisted on weighing each pudding dish

And you let them??

I wouldn't have the child watching me prepare the food. I would just serve it.

I don't think it's unusual for a child to want the biggest or best. My mother would have just served me the smallest if I had asked for the biggest.

That didn't work - the child insisted on weighing each pudding dish

FFS! A child 'insisting' ?? Yeah,....that would turn out well for the child with me... ha ha!

WorraLiberty it was complicated. Child was my DSS and was 'indulged' by his father somewhat - I didn't have a say in anything to do with DSS. We're no longer together because of similar behaviours.

I don't think the child is doing anything so wrong - she's just flouting the expectation that little girls should wait nicely and "take what you're given" rather than asking if she can have the biggest piece.

You can always say no of course, but why is it so wrong to ask?

I wouldnt teach my child to NOT take the biggest slice. If everyone is doing that, then you end up with the biggest slice left in the plate except we know that’s not what happens. There is nothing wrong about taking the biggest slice as such. Plus why on Earth would you teach your dd to always put herself at the bottom of the pile??
I personally teach my dcs not to CHOOSE which slice/bowl they are taking, but to just take the one right in front of them.

It’s interesting because most people are up in arms if a child asks for the biggest slice. But what if they are asking for the smallest?? Usually that is actually seen as OK.
Because wanting the biggest is automatically associated with being greedy (and yes I do agree that it’s also linked with being fat shamed btw).

As for telling your dd off but not the child coming over. Parenting your dd is your responsibility. Parenting that child isn’t.
Just tell your dd and with a bit of luck, the other child will learn that’s it’s not on.
You can deflect and tell the child ‘oh well see who gets that one’ and our dd chose first etc...

His father thought it was amusing...

I think all families have different standards when it comes to manners, however, it's not something I would feel the need to pull someone else's DC up on or need to teach her. As she gets older I'm sure she will realise it's not the done thing. I would have quiet word with my own Dc as to what we expect in our family and why.

Why are they hovering and watching you serve up/portion out?

If they ask for ice-cream, send them back outside while you serve it, then take the bowls out and give them directly to the children etc. Don't give them a chance to directly compare.

TBH, I find it surprising that you can't serve equal portions (ok, not going to be equal to the gram, but equal to the naked eye is surely possible), or that you would expect anyone but the guest to get the biggest/best portion.

I can see that it's annoying, but shooing them away while you're doing the serving up should easily solve the problem.

Tawdry I can assure you it's nothing to do with her being a girl! I'd be the same with a boy!

I'm proper lolling at all the bosom hooking comments such as " her parents have obviously never taught her"..do you really think that children always do exactly what they have been told by their parents? I know tons of kids AND their parents well. Most children have quirks or lapses of manners that their parents would be mortified by. Yours do too.
And there is ALWAYS a bigger piece (4 brothers)
I like the idea of letting them choose then topping up the other one, or letting them do it themselves. But really, it's not a huge thing compared to some of the peer related stuff you're going to have to deal with in the future..

MrsM it's annoying but they do tend to follow me....they eat in the kitchen so see me prep as they're already seated.

Re difficulty with equal servings, others on this thread agree with you whilst others relate to me. So that's interesting. I find it hard...others don't.

ifNot I have a teenage DD. I'm perfectly aware that things get trickier thanks.

I am sure she's aware that you don't like her and she probably doesn't know why. I personally think it would be kinder to say "can you stop always asking for the biggest piece, it's a bit rude. There's plenty for everyone". You can say it nicely. It's just a bad habit / behaviour trait she has developed.

Maybe she's hungry and used to larger portions than what you serve? If she's asking for the biggest sandwiches and bread then I wouldn't have a problem. I always make more food for one of my son's friends who eats more than the rest.
If it's being eaten I don't see the problem, she's asking politely.

Fair enough, I must say though I still don't see why it's so bad to ask for the thing you want instead of quietly hoping someone gives it to you.

I should state that I have brothers so I learnt to speak up or lose out, and it has stood to me many times over the years!

Nocamp MAHOOSIVE leap there.

I do like her.

I don't like bad manners.

apparently at the same age DD whenever she was at a particular friend's house used to nag the mum constantly for crackers after she had had them at a previous visit.

after a few visits the mum said to her "no! no more crackers" (in quite a stern fed up way i am sure)

the mum explained to me (she felt bad i think) and i was more than happy for her to nip that in the bud. DD never asked for crackers at home - very weird.

I would much rather she did that than get fed up with dd and her cracker obsession.

Tawdry I don;t encourage my children to be little mice...always hanging back...I do encourage some self-control....grabbiness is not admired generally.

CheapSausagesAndSpam
if she does that at every visit at every food occasion you can be sure she is annoying you and you can be sure she has picked up on that. That's what i meant.

I too don’t know why you’re making such a big about it.

She’s a little girl and a visitor. Just say very nicely “oh don’t worry about who gets what, there’s plenty to eat. Go and sit down both of you and I’ll bring the plates over.” Then quickly change the subject to move her attention on to something else.

One cuts one picks is the ultimate solver here!

I was that kid (greedy as my dad would always take my food off my plate while I was eating) and then when my aunt put that into place with me and my cousin it instantly stopped it.

And if they can see you preparing the food and you dint like this, then change the routine. Prepare the food while they are doing something else.

My parents also did the “you cut, I choose” with me and I did it with my dc, if it was something like cutting something in half. Only for things easily split though, not for a pork chop

Sorry hope that ramble makes sense!