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Original poster

How do you deal with kids who do this?

182 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 06:34

Visiting child...every time she's here and I am prepping for example a sandwich or bowl of icecream or whatever....she will say quickly "Can I have that one?"

And point to whichever is slightly larger.

Bowl of icecream, slice of cake, chopped up salami....doesn't matter what it is.

I think it's rude...should I say something? DD and the girl are both 10...
Today they were at my house (we're in Oz) and another two little girls were also playing and the girl did it again and DD then followed suit.

I should have said "DD we don't try to grab the biggest...it's not polite..." but because I've never called her friend out on it, I felt I couldn't.

I will need to say something now DD has begun it...

OP posts:
Leilaniiii · 11/01/2018 08:02

Get one of the DC to cut whatever it is (if it's safe) and then the other one chooses. That's the rule in my house. My DC can cut equal portions with military precision Grin.

SeaCabbage · 11/01/2018 08:02

Why don't you say in a breezy tone, quite matter of factly, "no, you aren't allowed to ask for the biggest in this house." And smile to take away the sting.

Honest, direct, but not being mean to a ten year old.

Bowerbird5 · 11/01/2018 08:03

You could have brought it up today. It would have been a good opportunity. Is the girl from a large family? I know a girl who is like this and when we talked about it I found out it was because she never gets the biggest piece at home. We talked it over and agreed she could choose the biggest piece sometimes but not all the time( school).
If there is a few girls there call them up using the name of one to chose first. Also at ten could one not cut it up and the others chose? My children did this and I do it now with fruit or cake at school. They are very good at making them even! I do think it is rude but like you say she has probably never been taught and you can't blame her for that or there is a reason she does it.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 11/01/2018 08:05

LoL at making portions the same size....

Impossible!

I grew up with 3 brothers, and can spot "the biggest" portion of anything at a glance. How many sibs does this girl have?

I have years of experience....

I like the idea of giving her "the biggest", then topping the remaining bowl up a bit Grin, it is like telling her off, without telling her off!

Leilaniiii · 11/01/2018 08:06

Mine get told "you get what your given, don't be rude" but that my own kids.

Also a good way of dealing with it. I remember Mylene Klass saying she says this to her DC and thinking what a refreshing example it was of good old-fashioned parenting.

Oblomov18 · 11/01/2018 08:07

"I can't always seem to make the portions the same..I have tried."
ShockHmm
Eh? Why can't you make whatever you
Are serving, the same size?

This doesn't make sense.

Buck3t · 11/01/2018 08:07

Just share up the food and give it to them. Trying to understand the issue here. Stop giving choices when you Don’t like the answer.

Pinkhoodie · 11/01/2018 08:09

I think this is such a silly thing to let bother you.

If she threw a big strop because she didn't get the biggest, then that would be rude, but just asking for that one? Something and nothing really.

Just tell her they're all the same and to go and play and you'll get what get.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 08:09

Child has one younger sibling. Her parents aren't controlling with food at all.

10 I like that too....I think that's what I will do next time. Passive agressive plating-up! Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 08:10

Pink it's every visit! Not "just that one"

Every single visit, every single thing they're given.

OP posts:
Pinkhoodie · 11/01/2018 08:11

You don't need to be passive aggressive.

Just simply say "they're all the same and you'll get what you're given". Simple as that.

If she throws a tantrum then you can come back and say she's rude.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 08:11

Oblamov well...with things like icecream...it's tricky. I don't have a scoop...crusty bread....I put the knife in what I THINK is the middle but one always seems slightly larger!

I don't know why it's just what happens.

OP posts:
Pinkhoodie · 11/01/2018 08:11

Surely if you tell her she'll get what she's given then she'll soon learn that she doesn't get the choice when at your house?

Oblomov18 · 11/01/2018 08:12

I can't comprehend anything I serve, cake, garlic bread, apple crumble or anything else, not being able to make it the same size.

Or, I'd offer seconds. Offer more. Or I'd make a big announcement of how we always give the biggest bit to the guest. Which IS what I would do, if push came to shove.

None of ds's house guests every leave my house thinking.... I wish I'd been offered a bit more to eat....Grin

Bettyspants · 11/01/2018 08:12

SkaPunkPrincess what a ridiculous thing to say. Fat shaming?!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 11/01/2018 08:16

There's always some gobshite screaming fat shaming. Thick.

MargaretCavendish · 11/01/2018 08:16

Eh? Why can't you make whatever you
Are serving, the same size?

Amazed at all the people who can magically cut things exactly evenly - most people can't. Look next time you go into a coffee shop and I guarantee their cakes will only be in exactly even slices if they're factory-made and shipped in, as it's too hard for a non-machine to get them perfectly even, even though the person who cuts up those cakes does it every day!

I agree with you that it's rude, OP, and I think saying to your daughter that 'it's not what we do' when she does it would be a reasonable way to alert the friend to the fact that this might be ok at home but isn't in your house.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 08:17

Pinkprobably you're right....it's just she knows I've never said that before...I will just say "Here's yours...here's yours..." and if she asks for "the other one" I'll say "No...they're all the same.'

Oblamov I know....I am clumsy by nature. Cack-handed my Aunt would say Grin

OP posts:
midnightmooch · 11/01/2018 08:29

This would bother me - I find it quite rude, it might not be up to the OP to teach the child manners but her house, her rules. Normally the guest gets offered first because the guest would never ask or be pushy but if the guest is rude then the guest is always first rule no longer applies!
We had a pushy kid who said the whole way through the playdate - I go first I'm the guest - we only had that problem once - children with poor manners don't get invited back!
I would have to do something.....either get the kids to cut things up or just say no when she asks, smile and busy yourself with something else. If she ask just say we take turns in our house.

midnightmooch · 11/01/2018 08:31

Or I'd hand over the one she wanted and pile up ice cream on the others in a very obvious way....out play her so she learns not to ask for the biggest.

Pinkhoodie · 11/01/2018 08:35

Isn't that just being a bit spiteful midnightmooch? I'm not expert but isn't a better example to be firm but fair?

MissP103 · 11/01/2018 08:36

I think all same size portions or do turns.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 08:36

Pink I suppose it could be seen as offering a sharp lesson.

OP posts:
midnightmooch · 11/01/2018 08:36

None of ds's house guests every leave my house thinking.... I wish I'd been offered a bit more to eat....grin When ds was 5, was 5 he came home from a playdate as sick as a dog after eating countless mini muffins and milkshakes - he'd never eaten so much sugar in one sitting and had no idea he was going to feel so bloody ill!
The mother said to me - I just kept offering and he kept eating...I wasn't impressed!

HelveticaVanBuren · 11/01/2018 08:38

You need to call them out on it. Doing it late is better than doing it never.

When your daughter or visiting child try it, simply say "no, this one is for you" and give them the one next to it. It's a matter of principle.