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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you deal with kids who do this?

182 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 06:34

Visiting child...every time she's here and I am prepping for example a sandwich or bowl of icecream or whatever....she will say quickly "Can I have that one?"

And point to whichever is slightly larger.

Bowl of icecream, slice of cake, chopped up salami....doesn't matter what it is.

I think it's rude...should I say something? DD and the girl are both 10...
Today they were at my house (we're in Oz) and another two little girls were also playing and the girl did it again and DD then followed suit.

I should have said "DD we don't try to grab the biggest...it's not polite..." but because I've never called her friend out on it, I felt I couldn't.

I will need to say something now DD has begun it...

OP posts:
HelveticaVanBuren · 11/01/2018 08:39

@SkaPunkPrincess

Don't overreact. This needs fixing.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 08:40

Midnite my DC are quite good at self regulating food. I've noticed others aren't. We have a "help yourself" attitude to fruit and snacks but some of my DD"s friends see that as a chance to eat EVERYTHING because they're not allowed to help themselves at home.

OP posts:
midnightmooch · 11/01/2018 08:40

Isn't that just being a bit spiteful midnightmooch? I'm not expert but isn't a better example to be firm but fair? No one is teaching these kids a lesson on how to behave, when they are round at other people's houses - parents can't observe how they are behaving - so don't really know.
When we were growing up we would never have dared to ask for anything other than water in someone else's house, we were told it was rude - that is why the guest first rule applies because it's rude for the guest to ask!

HelveticaVanBuren · 11/01/2018 08:42

They don't need to be the same size. OP can make them any size they want to.

When you're a child, you don't get to dictate what's what - you do as you're told.

The reason there are so many young adults unable to function in an adult world is because they got to pick the rules when they were children. It's a shock to their system when they realise that sh1t doesn't wash when you're an adult.

MTBMummy · 11/01/2018 08:43

My sister and I had moments like this when we were about that age. My parents dealt with it in the best way possible (in my opinion) they used to cut one of us to cut the portion and let the other one chose, you'll be amazed at how quickly they become very accurate in splitting things in half

midnightmooch · 11/01/2018 08:43

Midnite my DC are quite good at self regulating food. I've noticed others aren't. We have a "help yourself" attitude to fruit and snacks but some of my DD"s friends see that as a chance to eat EVERYTHING because they're not allowed to help themselves at home. DS had never stuffed his face like that before and had been at countless parties with the opportunity to eat lots of junk, I'm not sure why he ate so much that day, but it was a lesson learnt.

tattyheadsmum · 11/01/2018 08:44

I thinkyou're right OP, it's bad manners. And it isn't fair on the other children present.

We have the same rule as AlbertsChair, whoever serves out gets last pick. Although you're probably just pushing the struggle somewhere else!

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 08:46

Midnite maybe he was trying to be polite! After all, the Mum kept offering...he might have thought it rude to refuse.

OP posts:
DoJo · 11/01/2018 08:46

You get what you get and you don't get upset. Them's the rules!

Enko · 11/01/2018 08:48

Just say " No you picked first last time this time it is xx's turn" So next time there is the 2 of them and a further 2 guests the other guests gets to pick because it was their turn.

I have 4 children I know they all know what one is the biggest portion (LOL at those who says you can do this equally so easily) However they also know that who ever picks is the person who is in the kitchen first and that if they make a big deal out of it then Mum or dad ensures that they pick last next time.

SammySays · 11/01/2018 08:53

Why not just say ‘no this is your piece.’ I’m not sure what the problem is really or why you can’t make an effort to portion equally. I think you have taken this too seriously.

EggsonHeads · 11/01/2018 08:55

The other child is not your responsibility but it may be a good idea to tell off your daughter for being greedy infront of her friend.

Emily7708 · 11/01/2018 08:59

She might be hungry - maybe your portions are smaller than she gets at home?

I would just let her choose the one she wants. Whenever visiting kids come over here I’m just really pleased they eat what I serve up. It’s the fussy kids I find annoying.

midnightmooch · 11/01/2018 09:00

I think you have taken this too seriously. I think the OP is struggling with the dilemma of potentially being slightly rude to a rude guest.

AnathemaPulsifer · 11/01/2018 09:00

We grew up with 'one cuts, the other chooses'. Neat solution when only two kids.

Have encountered a greedy kid like this - not mine but here a lot - and I did train her out of it. Sometimes 'you had first choice last time, so if you think that one's best let’s give it to [quiet undemanding child]'. Sometimes going round handing them out myself, pointedly giving first to those politely waiting. Mostly avoiding letting her nab the best of everything.

Facelikeaslappedarse · 11/01/2018 09:00

I would say “you’ll have which one I give you” and leave it at that

ClaudiaD13 · 11/01/2018 09:01

Who are these people who cut everything exactly even?! Anyway it's not always about it being the exact same size, sometimes one portion just looks more appealing than another for whatever reason.

GiraffesAreNotShort · 11/01/2018 09:03

I have two sons, they have learnt never to compare food because I quoted them Louis CK with

“The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough.

You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.”

He is American so please excuse the spelling of neighbour.

I tend to allow child guests to be served first but if the child repeatedly asked for the biggest portion , I would give it but I would probably orchestrate some conversation about fairness.

CheeseyToast · 11/01/2018 09:05

Tbh this sort of thing gets on my nerves too. I privately think mean things but try to keep it breezy and just hand things out rather than have them choose

FlowerPotMum · 11/01/2018 09:05

Fat shaming! Where?!. When we have guests I feed them at the table, they sit, I serve it up and dish it out.
If we had a snack it would a banana, a chocolate biscuit etc so more or less the same size.
If she got up to look, I'd be telling her to sit back down. If she complained about the size she'd be told it's rude to do so.
If she got face on and didn't want to come back, then I'd not have to worry about it again!.

No need to be sharp or angry with her, but also at 10 it's old enough to realise it's rude to make a fuss when someone is kind enough to host you.
I've got an almost 10 yr old and I'd be quite embarrassed to hear she behaved like this.

toomanycreambuns · 11/01/2018 09:07

I would find it rude and I wouldn't want my DD doing the same tbh. Good manners will take you further IMO.

I'd consider one of the following...
Get one to cut the cake and get the other to choose
Buy factory made single portion cakes
Not have her round for dinner

I would be pulling my own DD up on it.

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2018 09:12

I can't believe this thread has taken off so quickly!

"Oh, we all get what we're given in this house" - said with a big smile.

Job done.

TattyCat · 11/01/2018 09:13

I had exactly the same scenario with a child some years ago. I made sure every dish of food was the same size, so it was impossible to tell which, if any, was the biggest. That didn't work - the child insisted on weighing each pudding dish (not so much with mains)!

And his father thought that was a good idea. The child was about 8/9 and an only child, so no sibling 'rivalry'.

taratill · 11/01/2018 09:17

Not your child, not your problem!

Serve it out if it bothers you otherwise let it go.

UnitedKungdom · 11/01/2018 09:18

Also, fat shaming a 10 year old. shame on you.

Ba ha ha ha - Did you hear someone else say that on another thread and want to try it out as a put down?

I think children, under 12 ish, in your house can in fact be called out on things. Kindly though! We all have different rules in our own homes but it's a great life lesson that behaviour needs to be modified in other people's homes. I'd probably say 'don't worry X, I will make sure you get plenty. You don't need to shout out for the biggest each time. It's not good manners'. And then move on quickly but still give her the biggest.