Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you deal with kids who do this?

182 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 06:34

Visiting child...every time she's here and I am prepping for example a sandwich or bowl of icecream or whatever....she will say quickly "Can I have that one?"

And point to whichever is slightly larger.

Bowl of icecream, slice of cake, chopped up salami....doesn't matter what it is.

I think it's rude...should I say something? DD and the girl are both 10...
Today they were at my house (we're in Oz) and another two little girls were also playing and the girl did it again and DD then followed suit.

I should have said "DD we don't try to grab the biggest...it's not polite..." but because I've never called her friend out on it, I felt I couldn't.

I will need to say something now DD has begun it...

OP posts:
Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 07:16

Fairy I'm not upset I just don't want DD learning to think this is acceptable.

I can't always seem to make the portions the same..I have tried.

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 11/01/2018 07:17

I'd simply say you'll get what your given and move on

The only time ds get to choose what slice/bit they get is their birthday cake

Hmmalittlefishy · 11/01/2018 07:18

I think as she is a guest I would be letting her choose if you normally allow the children to come up and pick. If not then I would gently but firmly say 'you need to sit at the table and I will bring them out' and make sure they are equal or say 'no, they are all the same don't worry'
Of its normal for family to choose their plates I would remind your dd that guests have first choice (this is the rule in our house and includes choice of game etc)

Lweji · 11/01/2018 07:19

In my book of manners, the guest is always given first choice anyway. You'd be unreasonable to say anything to the girl as a guest in your home.
As for your DD, I'd tell her that she should offer to her other guests first and have what's left.
Basically, it's her home. She makes the food and offers to the others.
If anything, I'd only say to the other girl that she doesn't have to ask. She should wait and she'll be given first choice as a guest anyway.
Or, if there are other girls there, to wait until it's her turn.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 11/01/2018 07:21

Oh ffs there was no fat shaming of a ten year old Hmm

Op me time simply say "no in this house you get what you are given and you say thank you, there is never any real difference anyway so there is no need to be greedy" it can be bright and breezy, no need to make it any issue just don't let either pick

RadioGaGoo · 11/01/2018 07:23

Not your circus. If it winds you up so much, stop offering food.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 07:24

But there was more than one guest!

OP posts:
RadioGaGoo · 11/01/2018 07:24

Lol at telling a child not to be greedy in a 'bright and breezy' way!

greendale17 · 11/01/2018 07:24

When I was that age I wouldn’t dream of asking what one I wanted when at a guest’s house. Get was you were given

Shouldileavethedogs · 11/01/2018 07:24

With my children one would cut and the other got to choose. It made sure the cutter cut equally and it stopped any greed or grabbing

shrunkenhead · 11/01/2018 07:26

It's really not "fat-shaming " ! The child is rude. At 10 you have to learn that, in life, you can't always have your own way or the biggest and the best of everything! You have to be kind and think of others. I'd be mortified if this was my dd.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 07:30

Green me too! Shrunk exactly.

I am surprised so many posters think it's fine...

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 11/01/2018 07:32

She's asking a question, just say no and get on with it.

In my book of manners the guest(s) get first pick of what they want as well, so I would say yes.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 07:32

Dogs I have heard of that but never having had to implement it among my own children I never really thought of it.

That's not a boast but my DDs have always taken what they were given...never complained "hers is bigger" or anything.

And to be frank I don't really want children sawing up bread, meat or ice cream in my kitchen!

OP posts:
Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 11/01/2018 07:32

Boob what if there are more than one guest though as I had today? and one guest asks for the biggest?

OP posts:
DragonsAndCakes · 11/01/2018 07:33

I’d missed that there were other guests, sorry!
If one peice is bigger then someone is going to get it so I don’t think you need to intervene when it’s the first saying it. It would be different if she was taking two pieces, leaving someone short.
I’d say something in front of the others to my own child if she did it though, and be fine with the first child taking it as criticism of her too.

HolgerDanske · 11/01/2018 07:33

There was absolutely NO fat shaming, what an utterly ridiculous accusation.

It’s extremeky rude to ask for or take the biggest piece (unless it is the nearest one to you), so I would tell her. Her parents may not have bothered to teach her that but I’d tell her so she knows how to behave in company or as a guest.

Isetan · 11/01/2018 07:36

You’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and the reason your DD is following suit, is because you’ve condoned it thus far.

The poster who called this fat shaming, massive fail. I didn’t realise only larger people asked for the largest portion, I wonder what you’d call that assumption, hmmm.

It’s your home, if you don’t like dibs being called, say so.

Lweji · 11/01/2018 07:38

You may have missed this:

Or, if there are other girls there, to wait until it's her turn.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 11/01/2018 07:41

With my children one would cut and the other got to choose. It made sure the cutter cut equally and it stopped any greed or grabbing

We had this rule as well when we were little (DDs currently aren’t old enough yet to think / argue about this). Yes, also works for 3 people...

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 11/01/2018 07:52

I don't see why the OP has to accept rude behaviour just because someone is a guest. It's not wrong for her to set standards of acceptable behaviour in her own home.
I would either let them take it turns whrn there are only two kids, which does reinforce notions of fairness/sharing or I would sit them at the table and not allow choosing.
Not the child's fault she is being raised with no manners, but not something you want to be seen tolerating either, because it has a knock on effect on your own parenting.

RedSkyAtNight · 11/01/2018 07:53

You're assuming that the "big" piece is better.

I've had plenty of children over asking for the small piece/the medium sized piece/no piece at all because that's what they feel like/all they think they can eat.

I personally see no issue in letting people pick which piece they prefer. I think making a deal over who goes for the biggest piece is more of an issue!

HotelEuphoria · 11/01/2018 07:57

I think it's rude OP and now you have noticed it, it is really irritating.

So nip it in the bud, dish up on the counter whilst she is at the table then give it to her, don't let her evaluate the size of the portions. If she gets up to look, ask her to sit down please.

It's a bad habit she picked up at home and whilst I don't think it's unusual between siblings, we had it growing up, you don't do it away from the home because then it's rude.

Chugalug · 11/01/2018 08:00

Maybe she dosnt get much food at home..maybe her parents are overly controlling reagarding food ,so this is how it shows it's self.

Allthewaves · 11/01/2018 08:01

Mine get told "you get what your given, don't be rude" but that my own kids.