To this this could be a sign my wife is having an affair ?

[tobeworriedaboutthis]

Brand new poster, I know my wife uses this so I thought I'd give it a go. Been with my wife for 10 years married 3. I adore her and to be honest have no idea how I have ended up with someone like her, stunning beautiful, smart, driven, sexy - basically everything you could want ! However recently her behaviour has changed massively. She changed jobs, to a much more male dominated sector of her industry - works in a male only office, all her clients are men. As soon as she took that role her habits changed. Took a much greater interest in health and fitness. She does not need to loose weight in the slightest. But over the space of 6 months started working out more and more, adjusting her diet, cutting back on booze. Now she works out every day with her boss, who himself is a married man. She looks amazing, however I can't help thinking this is maybe a sign of something else. We have had a hard year, trying to have a baby without any luck. The next step is IVF due to our age, which I've always said I won't do as i have seen it ruin marriages (the cost, the stress) I have a child, who lives with us part time -they have been clingy and challenging recently, which my wife can struggle with. My ex has needed extra support finically due to problems in her life, my wife hasn't always agreed with the level of help I give. She tells me the exercise help her deal with the stress of the year and wanting to look good for me. AIBU to think maybe her head has been turned at work (god knows she will turn plenty!) if this was your husband would you be concerned?

voiletvendetta

Yes they would probably be different because men and women are different. If we use the example of the IVF scenario there would probably be more personal reasons than financial or a relationship breakdown. Such as it’s her body that’s going through it, she’s been through a pregnancy and birth, already having a child which doesn’t live with the Mum full time, going back to work, being the main carer or not the main carer, etc....

Sounds like she might be checking out of the marriage and tbh I don't blame her. Sorry.

So because you see your child as both of yours, that's it case closed? You are actively denying your wife the chance to have her own child because you think she should be happy with what she has. If I were in your wife's position, I would leave you and find someone who cares about my happiness, not just having a trophy wife.

She is a great mum to my child. In my option (and my ex's) We do have a child, mine - he might not be hers by blood but I see him as our child, my ex, mine and my wife

She is not your childs mother. Your child is not her child. Do you say this sort of shit in real life?

She may not be checkig out of the marriage or having an affair, though. I've been that miserable and that resentful in mine before, and I coped by getting really into self care, diet and exercise to take my mind off it. I would not have dreamed of having an affair, and thankfully that time passed and things got back on track.

So you've strung her along for years with the hope of having a child. And now you're basically saying the step child is all she's getting.

Nice.

So your wife wants a child, and you've gone "I made one with another woman, so we'll just call that one yours as well and be done with it".*

Holy cow man, you are OBTUSE.

*yes, yes, crude way of putting it, I know.

but I see him as our child, my ex, mine and my wife. So in some ways I can't see why that isn't enough.

You honestly can’t see why someone might want a child of their own?? I’m beginning to see why your wife is unhappy.

That may be your opinion about your child being hers.... but presumably your child is over the age of 10 (as you have been with your wife for 10 years) and that is unlikely to be your child's opinion either.

In the kindest possible way, you sound a little self absorbed. As long as your needs / thoughts and opinions are out there that ought to be enough for your wife.

Why not ask her honestly how she feels.... and just sit there and listen to her response fora bit. It truly sounds like you have overriden her and her feelings about some very fundamental things in her life.

It's all I, I, I, me and I, isn't it!

In MY opinion (and my ex's) We do have a child, mine - he might not be hers by blood but I see him as our child, my ex, mine and my wife. So in some ways I can't see why that isn't enough.

What about HER opinion, and the way she sees him, and what she wants and what she would consider enough? What if she's a great step-mum AND wants to be a Mum herself?

You sound completely self-obsessed and lacking in empathy.

Just cos you see the child as your wife’s it doesn’t mean she does. You say you couldn’t be nasty and see your ex homeless but you appear nasty enough to probably cause your current wife untold mental anguish and stress. I think most people on here are probably hoping by now your wife is having an affair.

She is a great mum to my child. In my option (and my ex's) We do have a child, mine - he might not be hers by blood but I see him as our child, my ex, mine and my wife

Dude! WTF!

We do have a child, mine - he might not be hers by blood but I see him as our child, my ex, mine and my wife. So in some ways I can't see why that isn't enough

For that last comment alone I would leave you.

I feel slightly uncomfortable that you posted here knowing she uses MN

She may well be checking out - if she really wants a child of her own and you're refusing treatment then perhaps thats the end of the road for you guys? Doesn't mean she's shagging about tho.

If your wife comes across this thread I hope she reads all the responses, that's for sure.

I would be leaving you. Your child is not and never will be hers. You are refusing her the chance to have a child of her own.

As I said: if this is real you posted here on purpose knowing she’s on here.

I’ve never seen a man do this that wasn’t abusive, controlling and dangerous in real life.

To be honest, if your wife was coming here for advice I'd be advising her to find her own way and find a man who at least puts her wellbeing on an equal footing as his own. Or just have a baby without a man.

Definitely obtuse and extremely selfish. Sounds like your wife has and continues to put up with an awful lot with you and your ex. Definitely doesn't sound like you put her first. Poor woman.

Honestly, OP, you sound dreadful.

This child has a mother - your ex. Your wife is a woman who wants a baby, and is married to a fellow who gives would-be IVF money to his ex.

I can't believe she's stayed with you this long.

I wonder if I just posted about the increase in fitness I would have got a different response ..... I was just trying to create a whole picture of where we are in our relationship.

OP As you can see by the comments here women are fickle creatures

Fuck off, there’s a dear.

As you can see by the comments here women are fickle creatures

Which comments would that be then?