To ask how the hell single parents...

[HonestTeacher]

look after their children when they are feeling ill them self?

I have awful sickness bug and cannot even look after myself. DP has to do everything for me. Got me wondering what I would do if I was a single parent and had to look after children whilst being this ill. Single parents, how do you manage to look aftef your children when you are also ill?! You are truly superheroes.

Yes I feel it's pity, but then I feel single mothers are still looked down on by society anyway. I was googling to find the statistics for something and ended up googling why are single mothers.. And the suggestions were "easy" "bad for society" and "less desirable" out of interest I googled why are single fathers... And the only suggestion was "attractive." I've experienced it in real life aswell anyway so I keep help but finding the "how do you cope?" More a "What a nightmare it must be for you, I don't envy you!"

I don't think it's always pity. More of a feeling that it's hard enough as a parent when you've got a partner when you're ill or need support let alone when you're bringing up dc single handledly.

I'm not a single parent but DH is a police officer and was working away for the overtime for ten days. DS and I had D and V over Christmas when he was working and I was so weak a couple of times I nearly passed out changing his nappy. The house went to shit and I thought the end was nigh.

How I'd do it full time I don't know, single parents are superheroes.

I need antidepressants, but from previous experience the first two weeks of taking them the side effects involve feeling very ill and needing to rest a lot.

I've no help, no family, no friends able to help so I can't take them.

Extremely difficult to access the counseling I need too because I can only take an appointment during the 15 term time hours of free childcare my DS now (finally!) gets.

I'm terrified of losing consciousness and my 2yo being effectively alone in the house :(. I put my mobile phone in my pocket every time I go down in the cellar or climb a ladder, and leave it next to the bath when I have one.

Funny you say that cats I had a fall last night and my ds was amazing- had a fair few lately, so realised how important it is to teach him basic things like calling for help.

@glitter It might not be pity but I think it's an insensitive question to ask.

Well as a lone parent to two young DC I don't agree with you. I find it insensitive when someone else makes a decision on how I should feel when they are 1) not a single parent plus 2) don't have children anyway. Being the child of a single parent does not qualify to know how it feels to actually be a single parent.

@NoqontroI
Fair does but equally being a single parent doesn't entitle you to speak for them all. We can see that via the range of views expressed here. And I never made a decision on how you should feel, just expressed my own opinions on the subject.

No it doesn't qualify for me to speak for them all. Just for me, as a lone parent. Not sure if actually qualifies you at all though seeing as you are not a parent at all, let alone a single or lone one. Out of all the posts here yours is the most patronising and you're not even remotely in the same situation. Just an outside observer

These threads are really bizarre. It doesn't matter why you are on your own at a specific time, unless you are in a coma, you cope because you have to, regardless of D&V, flu or broken bones.

Your marital status doesn't have much influence on your network support anyway.

Whilst all that is true Llangollen single parents often have the added stress of no income whilst sick. I've just had to negotiate with my employers so that some of my time off sick at the end of 2017 could be taken from my 2018 holiday allowance otherwise I wouldn't have been able to afford to eat come the end of January, so yeah, there is a difference.
As far as finding the question patronising goes, it doesn't bother or offend me, I think these threads can be useful and have already said how important it is to build some sort of support network. Not much use when they're babies but a godsend once they're a bit older. Statistically many currently married women on here will end up single and may find some of the posts helpful.

Glitter, as a single parent, sometimes it is nice for someone to acknowledge that it's hard, that you're strong, and doing something that usually requires two people(or more), alone. To me it isn't patronizing, in fact, it makes me feel nice that someone notices I'm doing something difficult and doing it well

I think the other stress Llangollen is the difficulties covering school holidays. When dh was around we could share the cost of holiday club as we had two incomes, plus we had the added bonus of two lots holiday entitlement so we could take separate days off to cover if needed. Now I have half the income to pay for these things and only my own holiday to use to cover. So marital status, or at least a partner whose earning, does make quite a difference.

Yes you just get in with it and struggle through - I remember lying in bed with gastric flu having to look after my 18 month old who was recovering from the same thing

I think it’s also right to say that you can be a single parent and have lots of support from wider family or you can be in a 2 partner relationship and have no support. Obviously the very worse situation is to be a single parent AND have no other family support. But the issue is how do you cope when things go wrong if you don’t for whatever reason have a good support network

Swallow your pride and ask for help where you can I’ve been struck down with the Ozzie flu did 3 weeks asked my sister if DS could tag along if she doing anything child friendly on Saturday - got the answer she wasn’t the next day she’s posting pics at the country park ... I used to have her kids all weekend so she could work but the favours are not repaid . I therefore swallow my pride and ask ds’s friends Mum and my neighbour to have my Ds for a few hours. Normally ds is very demanding of my time but when I’m ill he seems to understand he has to have more tv/iPad time . He even got my clothes out one morning summer dress and socks but the thought was there

"vomit" at superhero label.

I was a shit-hot parent when I was married and I'm still a shit-hot parent now I'm divorced.

Necessity. I’m recovering from a double whammy infections, I’ve spent the last 5 days either on the sofa (weekend so children at home) or in bed (when my children were at school) But I’ve still had to sort food and clean clothes, and get them to school and pick them up. There’s been several ready-meals, last night was pizza and over the weekend we lived on leftovers from the fridge & freezer. My children are old enough to reheat food in the microwave themselves, and my youngest has been fetching me drinks etc, but it’s without a doubt the worst part of being a lone parent, and something I dread.

I just have to make do, no support network, I have asthma so have been really bad sometimes and my eldest son is really good if he sees me having an attack he will actual go and get my inhaler for me, very mature for his age, only just turned 6. I avoid hospitals like the plague if I'm really ill and have in the past just stayed up till morning and gone to the walk in centre or emergency gp appointment because can't afford to be kept in hospital when i have kids to look after. You just have to manage at the end of the day, you don't have a choice.

Because there’s no one else to look after your children, that’s how. You do the absolute bare minimum, and as long as no one is hungry and School run is achieved you’ve done enough.

Couldn't have coped without my parents taking the kids to their house when they were younger. Now youngest is 10 and she and older brother have coped while I've been in bed with flu. Teach them to cook easy food as soon as they can be sensible with a cooker and keep freezer stocked with fish fingers, chips, etc. That has been the only answer for me. Endless hours on x box plus not great food for a week or so!

I'm not a single parent but DH works long hours/shift work and I don't have family close by so I just have to get on with stuff too. I rarely get ill fortunately but I was ill before Christmas when the kids were on school hols and I was on leave from work. Preparing food for them was a nightmare due to the sickness but it just has to be done. They got far too much TV time on my two worst days 🤢

The same way I did when married to exH - suck it up cause didn't lift a finger when DCs were sick, regardless of how I was feeling. Probably actually easier now actually as would not have to justify every 10mins why I wasn't feeling well (as he'd conveniently forget!) and still look after everything else. Now I could let certain things slide...

From what I remember of it my mum pushed through. She would do anything she had to do and then the 3 of us would all pile into her bed and watch tv between naps. There’s a gap between me and my sister so I was able to help out with some things if Mum wasn’t able.

I’d far rather be a single Mum to three than a Mum to three children and a grown man.
There’s no choice, you get on with it, what’s the alternative? When my boys are older I hope they’ll look back and say ‘Mum worked really hard to bring us up, what did dad do?’

@HonestTeacher I've often wondered this. Also, for the ones with no family to help with childcare, how the hell do you work all summer and holidays and still do school pickups and child sickdays? Full respect to them - cant even get my head around the logistics of it all.