Page 11 | To ask how the hell single parents...

HonestTeacher · 2018-01-09T18:51:00+00:00

look after their children when they are feeling ill them self? I have awful sickness bug and cannot even look after myself. DP has to do everything for me. Got me wondering what I would do if I was a single parent and had to look after children whilst being this ill. Single parents, how do you manage to look aftef your children when you are also ill?! You are truly superheroes.

springydaffs · 11/01/2018 09:39

Have you heard that one about -

You know Jesus was a woman because she rose from the dead.

I'd change 'woman' for 'single parent' there.

NoqontroI · 11/01/2018 11:04

Remove that partner forever then try and tell me it's the same.

This is it though. People just can't get it until you are actually in that situation. You can imagine, but nothing prepares you for the harsh reality. I remember when my husband was sick, he was in hospital for months at a time. But he was still there and at least I got his support from a distance. Nothing prepared me for the day we finally came home without him forever though. I'd been doing on my own for ages, but I remember my son going to the toilet and calling me to wipe his bum. And I thought, this is it, I'm on poo duty for ever, on my own, with noone to share the responsibility of any of it. Sounds silly but the feeling was so dark and horrible. And the future looked so long, and utterly overwhelming. Nothing prepares you for that. Absolutely nothing at all.

CrookBook · 11/01/2018 11:51

josie, but when you are on your own, the bill paying, housework, shopping, washing all accumulate if you are 'down' ill. So it compounds the difficulty of being ill if you are an SP. If there is another adult, even for a couple of hours a week they can help clear a backlog. Even from a distance they can give l8ve and moral support, which helps immensrly

JosieJasper · 11/01/2018 12:30

Ok ok I've clearly misunderstood the question from OP. I was just thinking it related to the physical trying to cope being ill (throwing up/flu etc) and trying to look after young children when you are on your own. I wasn't trying to compete or belittle anyone and their situation but also don't assume that everyone in a couple has it easier than all SPs as I know every situation is different for varying reasons. So if I have offended anyone it wasn't my intention so I apologise.

Coyoacan · 11/01/2018 14:33

Panda How horrible for you, that happened to me when my dd was about that age. But really having a partner that doesn't pull their weight is even worse. We were both sick and her father lived next door as we were no longer living together, but had the nerve to complain about me asking him to buy medicine for her as he was going on holiday the next day. I have never hated anyone so much as I did at that moment.

FeckBuggerAndArse · 11/01/2018 17:33

Coyoacan

“......But really having a partner that doesn't pull their weight is even worse”

NO. IT’S. NOT

Achoopichu · 11/01/2018 17:42

I’ve been an LP for 7 years. If I was really desperate XH would step in so I’m lucky in that respect. I do have a theory though that lergis only take hold when you relax (like at Xmas loads of people got ill as soon as work finished). So as an LP you don’t get as many illnesses cos you don’t relax.

But it’s not good when you do get ill, TV and games consoles are your friend, and bread and cheese

Panda81 · 11/01/2018 18:06

@Coyoacan but had the nerve to complain about me asking him to buy medicine for her as he was going on holiday the next day

But did he get it?

PizzaPlease · 11/01/2018 18:15

I've had the flu, finally getting over it. It feels impossible, but you get through it because you have to. Snacks and fruit left at kid height, meals of whatever you can manage to make them. Lots of duvet cuddles with the TV on. Oh and online grocery delivery is a GOD SEND.

Coyoacan · 11/01/2018 18:38

No he didn't. I had to take the baby out across town to buy it, with both of us sick.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 11/01/2018 18:52

Now my dd is 11yo the last time I was ill she was actually quite good at looking after me, bought me cups of tea, sorted herself out and tidied up as well!! Was a completely different kettle of fish when she was younger, then when I was ill dd would become more demanding

Once when she was about 5yo I fainted in front of her, it was the middle of the night and she had woken me as had ear ache. I got out of bed a bit quick and promptly passed out!! Was frightening for both of us but made me make sure dd knew what to do should anything like that happen again, i.e. ring 999 or her grandma.

Being a single parent the thought of being seriously unwell is terrifying, I work for the NHS who have a draconian approach to sickness and threaten you with the sack if you are repeatedly ill. So not only would I be struggling through illness and looking after a child, I would be stressed about my job and the thought of losing it which in turn would make us homeless.

Being a single parent means there is no back up plan, no plan B.

TowerRavenSeven · 11/01/2018 20:50

I think it is exactly the same having a do that works in the OP. She was not talking about day in and year out, she was talking about feeling very ill with young children, not feeling ill with sick children. Assuming that at some point the non sick children would sleep, so then does the parent in this situation. Just like the rest of us do.

The rest, day in and year out with no help? Yes it would be horrible I totally agree.

Thehogfather · 11/01/2018 21:11

tower no, it's not. If your dp is working then a) you aren't worried that being ill could leave you in poverty

b) can take the financial hit of all the extra costs, so online tesco shop instead of budget shop hopping,

c) don't need to worry that your dc will have to stay away from home if you get too ill to be safe

d) don't need to worry about how you fit getting straight again in on top of your normal routine once you're well

e) can actually sleep when dc are asleep because dp is there if you are unable to be roused and need 999

Need I go on?

It's like popping onto a thread about coping with physical disabilities and saying it's just as difficult for you because you have sprained your ankle.

ConcreteUnderpants · 11/01/2018 21:30

Noqontrol

I hope you have a support network.
Not just for bum wiping duty.

NoqontroI · 11/01/2018 21:41

Lol Concrete, yes I do have a lovely support network of friends and things have improved a lot since that very bad day! Even if I still am on bum wiping duties that for some reason no one wants to share with me;-)

AnneElliott · 11/01/2018 22:06

As others have said, I guess they just do what they can as they have no choice. for all of you without support.

I agree that's it's worth cultivating a network of you can. I have several friends who are lone parents and would (and have) take their kids so they can rest.

minnieminx85 · 11/01/2018 23:32

I'm not a single parent but I am my husband's carer and we have a two year old daughter. There is a bit of a running joke in my house about how whenever I get sick everyone else decides to get ill too. Meaning I have to look after them. I often ask when is it my turn to be ill? But it is in jest, in reality I just get on with it and if I am really bad, as in my daughter may not be completely safe or I need to go into hospital my darling mum takes her for me. My husband will always need caring for though.

minnieminx85 · 11/01/2018 23:40

However I do still have emotional support from my husband, so although he needs me to look after him, he is there for me in a different way. Still in awe of those that do the parenting thing alone, sick or healthy you guys are bloody heroes. Xx

mizzmelli · 12/01/2018 00:38

Once all my 3 daughters aged 9,3, and 2 and my 4 yr old niece who i looked after at the time all got chicken pox and D x S. I came down with the worse flu I have ever had. It was winter so I banged the heating on, made sure the kids had loads of fluids and bit of toast not to make their tums worse. We all got snuggled up on the sofas with quilts which were soon covered in vomit. I managed with no one to help and although it feels utter shitty at the time it does pass. To be fair though I was washing vom blankets/quilts/towels for God knows how long. x

FeckBuggerAndArse · 12/01/2018 18:09

The aftermath of illness is carnage when you’re a lone parent. Having spent 5 days (last Saturday - Wednesday) laid on the sofa and then going back to work yesterday & today, my house looks like it’s been burgled. My kitchen has at least a full load of dishes waiting to go in the dishwasher, once I’ve emptied the clean stuff out of it. The dirty laundry is overflowing, and the floor hasn’t been vacuumed for over a week. Guess what I’ll spend my weekend doing.....?

FeckBuggerAndArse · 12/01/2018 18:20

Oh, forgot to add, my children are on their scheduled visit with their dad this weekend, and I’m working on Sunday, so actually, instead of getting a bit of a rest, I’ll be trying to catch up on all the washing etc on Saturday. On my own. No help. Even though my Ex worked 12 hour shifts and was useless in the house I could at least nag him to pitch in a little in times of dire need.

Alphabetsoup4 · 13/01/2018 20:30

*Remove that partner forever then try and tell me it's the same.

This is it though. People just can't get it until you are actually in that situation. You can imagine, but nothing prepares you for the harsh reality. I remember when my husband was sick, he was in hospital for months at a time. But he was still there and at least I got his support from a distance. Nothing prepared me for the day we finally came home without him forever though. I'd been doing on my own for ages, but I remember my son going to the toilet and calling me to wipe his bum. And I thought, this is it, I'm on poo duty for ever, on my own, with noone to share the responsibility of any of it. Sounds silly but the feeling was so dark and horrible. And the future looked so long, and utterly overwhelming. Nothing prepares you for that. Absolutely nothing at all.*

I’m sorry noquontrol for your loss. I think the above says it all. And that’s the feeling you get, in the middle of the night, as you clear up your child’s sick and feel queasy too. There is no one who I can tell about this, no one even to laugh with, no one to back me up from afar, no one to tell me down the phone that I’ve done a good job. It can be quite a dark place. It is nothing like doing this because your husband is at work.