To ask how the hell single parents...

[HonestTeacher]

look after their children when they are feeling ill them self?

I have awful sickness bug and cannot even look after myself. DP has to do everything for me. Got me wondering what I would do if I was a single parent and had to look after children whilst being this ill. Single parents, how do you manage to look aftef your children when you are also ill?! You are truly superheroes.

Granted it's hard if the husband is at work all day. But at least it's time limited. Just 8 or 9 hours to struggle through and then off to bed.

Agreed Noqontrol
It's not just about having an extra person, it's about the finances and the mental load.

I'm a single parent to a 4 year old who is very active and constantly on the go.. she exhausts me, I recently had Aussie Flu and only just starting to get better.. it was hard but took a mixture of everything to get better and on the worst day got a friend to look after her for half the day as fever caused fitting and I needed to sleep x.x

It sucks but u have to just do the best u can

No other choice! I have a shitty ex who has ds when it suits and has no consideration for anyone else. He wouldn't have time off when I got rushed in to have gall bladder removed and ended up with internal bleeding cos he wanted his own birthday weekend off. When ds is ill he won't have him. I have Crohn's disease which means I need vitamin injections and can have diarrhoea 10+ times a day but have to sometimes go 3 weeks without him having ds and I'm trying to juggle work, childcare, school runs etc all by myself. It's rubbish but he's missing out on time with ds who is so caring and funny and everyone who meets him can't help but like him. Sorry for hijacking your post with a rant, just feeling sorry for myself!

Just seen migraine post ... not sure if anyone else has mentioned it but daith piercing is a god send !

These threads always end up this way . Of course there are variations . There will be some single parents with a really good support network . It is also harder when they are younger and can do nothing for themselves but it’s not a race to the bottom.
I recently needed a medical procedure . I was offer a GA . This really wasn’t an option for me because as self employed couldn’t afford the time off but also I had no one to look after Ds so had to have it done a different way

Yes Starlight of course there are on average people who aren't single who have a harder time eg who have childrne with additional needs and a DH on the front line.

But on average it IS tougher being a lone parent (ie truly alone) than a double parent (even if divorced if they are supportive and they pay maintenance) - because you have half the income and no other live in adult.

Anyone who thinks because their DH works long hours it's comparable should try taking his salary away then think how they would get themselves or DC to hospital in the small hours of the morning.

Maybe I'm lucky but people rarely seem patronising to me (or at least not about being a lone parent - I have had some patronising comments about what they would do with DS who has additional needs ).

And no just to repeat again. Not everyone copes.

There’s also the rare but painful judgement that comes with being a single parent. Not from you OP or others on this thread who have been very supportive of single parents.

However you are suddenly open to things that people would not dare to say about a married unit. My son was a total handful, ADHD, and if I say so myself I’ve done an amazing job as his parent! Sorry no modesty there. However I’ve had many a negative reaction from teachers and School gate parents, saying things like “well I know it must be hard being a single parent...” his behaviour is nothing to do with that!

I don’t think I have to prove to people who are still together though how much tougher it is. It really is much tougher! Fact!

It really is much tougher! Fact!
When I read some of the stories and what some people put up with in their relationships, I am not sure anymore.

I thank God for the Xbox!
Fortunately, I'm considered an awesome mom by letting my DD play on it all day when I'm ill (in return she has to do milk and toast for herself and the toddler).

Being a lone parent is overwhelming and unbelievably hard.
Not just the money. When do I have time to fix things around the house? Sometimes I yearn for a husband, just so he can stay in the car with the kids whilst I pop into the shop, or sleep with one ear open for a change and I can get a proper night's sleep.

Just have to soldier on through as you have no choice

Suck it up and get on with it. My folks have helped when I've been really bad but I remember one night just having to stick on a DVD with 1 arm round my son's waist whilst I laid flat out in bed literally wanting to cry with how awful I felt! But I know I'm lucky to have my folks and truly am amazed by those who don't have support! Superheroes I'm my book!!

In my book!

Odd occasion iv been really ill and hardly able to stand parents have been absolutely amazing couldn't have done it without them

Normal Stuff cold etc just get on with it

Someone upthread said about how you adapt to your situation and I think that's spot on. I always get asked how I managed a newborn alone. Well I had to its that simple

Eh no choice! When my daughter was two I tripped up the stairs and broke my arm. I had to get my dd in the car, strap her in her car seat, drive myself to hospital. She stayed with me during x rays, potting and I drove home. You can’t be be wimpy as a lone parent but you knew that anyway.

Ha ha so true! And the no let up, ever. So you might be ill, they might be ill, looking after a child solo, then straight back to morning nursery drop off... work... nursery pick up... feed child... play with child... housework... bath child, bedtime... feed yourself...

There is NO break!

Ginorchoc - Driving a car with a broken arm, ouch! And a child. Fair play.

I've been a single parent, now I'm married, to be honest, and I'm not taking away from single mums, been there, as I said, and we/you ROCK, however, when I was a single parent to a 9 yr old and a 3month old, we all had noro, took it in turns to puke and dettol each other, me and the 9 year old, and the baby went on bottles that week, I more or less recovered and nursed them, but we spent a lot of time in my bed, with buckets and cold flannels!!! It was bearable, not fun, but I just dealt with it. Fast forward to last year, we now have an 18 year old, 9 year old, 5 year old and a four year old, oh and a man child, me and the two littlest have noro, littlest two also have hand foot and mouth, eldest has glandular fever, and 9 year old is untouched (I think she was made immune by the bout at 3months) so husband gets up, gets dressed and fks off to work, leaving me to deal, which I do, because I'm a fricking super hero, woman type, I have to phone the dr for the else's because he's so ill, husband comes home huffing and puffing about work and bill paying etc, off he pops to the quarantine room with GF ridden 18yr old, gets a phone call 45 minutes later, he's started with norovirus can we 'prepare for his arrival home' like he's the bloody queen!!
He spent four days in bed, while I looked after everyone, 6th day, gets up, yep, fks off back to work.

*eldest

I hate these threads.
I'm not a parent.

Well when you are a single parent and 'on duty' 24/7, 365 days a year come back and tell everyone how easy it is.

Nobody is claiming to be a 'special flower' ffs but until you have done it year in year out you have no fucking clue what the reality is.

I have hobbled around on a broken ankle and a broken foot for days as I couldnt get to a dr never mind a hospital without driving and I couldnt until I could put the slightest bit of pressure on my foot. Then a friend who was free kindly drove me to the hosp to get xrays. Even then I still had 2 kids to look after while it healed.

Having a dh who works is not the same. At least they are there to talk to, discuss things, can parent when they are home and do their share of the work and bring in an extra wage to the pot.

Being alone 24/7 and having to make every sodding decision yourself, ensure that there is a roof over your kids heads, food in the fridge, deal with schools, finances, etc is bloody hard.

Nobody is looking for medals, although thank you OP for being so kind about us all. Its just how it is, exhausting, mentally and physically sometimes and we just have to KBO.

"single parent"also means different things to different people.
A friend of mine gets really offended if she is called a single mum, because she is a widow and she feels it denies the existence of her husband, but others would be fine with it.
Some women (or men) call themselves single when their ex lives round the corner, is having the kids at least every weekend and is on call for any problem.
Some single parent have been completely on their own from the moment they got pregnant.

It's the same with married couples, situations are so diverse, the support networks are so different you can't describe every family with one word.

I think most responses were just to OPs original question about illness but we seem to have got on to other situations like decision making, bill paying etc which is obviously a different thing altogether but looking after children when you are ill when nobody else is around to help is difficult whatever your marital status/relationship situation.

It just takes an extra day or 2 to recover. It was horrible trying to keep the house clean but you didn’t have a choice ( when I was one )

No one to wave a magic wand and do everything for you. Get up and get on with it I'm afraid. Unless suffering from a long term illness it's amazing how you manage.

You suck it up and carry on as much as you can. There is no other option. It's not fun or nice or easy but you manage. I'm lucky I have some amazing friends I can call on if I am that bad I physically cannot function but for those who don't have the support network it can be so much harder.

@JosieJasper looking after children when you are ill when nobody else is around to help is difficult whatever your marital status/relationship situation.
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Its not the same though. If you've got a partner but they are not around, yes it's tough for that time you are on your own but there will be an end in sight, whether it's in 5 hrs or 5 days.

When you are on your own there is no end in sight. It's an endurance event with no finish line. It's day and night, day after day after day.

I'm a single mother by choice. My son is 5 months old and I've been ill since Saturday and yesterday he came down with it. So not only am I still feeling rubbish and exhausted, I now have a baby who is crying a hell of a lot and doesn't want to be put down. I can just about go the loo and get a drink or grab a packet of crisps. And I have nappy changes, breastfeeding, bottle washing/sterilising to do. Even once we are both better, I will be way behind on housework and have to work extra hard to get back on top of things again.

I do put added pressure on myself that I can't complain or ask for help because I chose to be a single mum, but then I remind myself that we all choose to be parents, and people in couples or co parent still complain so why shouldn't I on the days that are particularly tough.

But anyway, I don't find it patronising when people say they don't know how we do it, but I do get quite annoyed when people in couples and coparents try to claim it's the same when partner is at work or away. Remove that partner forever then try and tell me it's the same.