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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the hell single parents...

272 replies

HonestTeacher · 09/01/2018 18:51

look after their children when they are feeling ill them self?

I have awful sickness bug and cannot even look after myself. DP has to do everything for me. Got me wondering what I would do if I was a single parent and had to look after children whilst being this ill. Single parents, how do you manage to look aftef your children when you are also ill?! You are truly superheroes.

OP posts:
peppapig17 · 09/01/2018 19:12

Another single parent here. Sometimes the answer is there's no alternative, we just have to get on with it which I do most of the time but I'm extremely lucky enough to live only 15 mins from my parents who are very kind and supportive and have stepped in once or twice when I've been extremely poorly and helped. They know how much I struggle sometimes and they adore my DS and spending time with their grandson so it's a win win! I'm one of the lucky ones tho I know!

lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 19:14

I’m not a single parent but my DH can’t take time off if I’m ill. You muddle through!

Bettyswitch · 09/01/2018 19:17

Single parent with a sickness bug right here!!!!
My house is a shit tip, but the kids are fed and one is in bed.
You just have to crack on, no one else will keep them alive if dont!
Its amazing how strong you can be when younreally need to.

Brainfogmcfogface · 09/01/2018 19:19

Like others have said you just get on with it. I was really ill over Christmas, alone with my 3yo and I just had to carry on, a few days in bed would have done me the world of good but it just isn’t an option and it sucks, I felt bad enough physically but the guilt of not being able to do what my child wanted was even worse.
My biggest fear is having to go to hospital, there is just no one to help out, I’m a lone parent so my child would have to go into social care.

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/01/2018 19:20

We just do, TV, ready meals, snacks etc.
On top of being a single Mum I got a chronic illness that's left me disabled when Dd was 8.
It's shit, but it's life, you do it because you have to.
When people say, "oh DH isn't home until 9pm every night", I accept that's difficult, but he will be home, he is earning money.
No one, I mean no one and having to rely on benefits, yeah, it sucks.

Walkacrossthesand · 09/01/2018 19:21

I used to get skull-cracking migraines when mine were little - I remember crawling into bed one evening for a 'little rest' hoping it would pass; I woke to find 3 little faces (age 6, 3 and 1) gazing at me, perplexed. I don't recall how I got them into bed that night...

DuchessofLondon · 09/01/2018 19:22

We have no choice so we sort of just get on with it.

Hope you're better soon OP. Flowers

Madupfam · 09/01/2018 19:24

I walked round my house with a sick bowl Sunday and policed from the loo( when the bowl wouldn't cut it ). It's awful the only time I was I wasn't a Lone Ranger is when I'm really ill.

zsazsajuju · 09/01/2018 19:24

Like others have said, you just have to manage. I did lose my job as I kept having to take time off when dc was sick though. So you manage as much as possible but it’s tough keeping it all together.

Big up all the single parents! Doing the job of two.

zsazsajuju · 09/01/2018 19:25

Get well soon op

notgivingin789 · 09/01/2018 19:27

I have no choice.

Temporaryanonymity · 09/01/2018 19:27

Well I just crack on really. Both sons have been taught what to do if I was totally and utterly incapacitated. I remember lying on the kitchen floor, with incredible back pain, supervising and directing ds1 (aged 7) through the making of beans on toast for him and his little brother. He is 11 now and can cook so not so much of an issue.

Honestly you just carry on.

Bowerbird5 · 09/01/2018 19:29

Hopefully they have good friends who support and help out.

My DH works away for weeks at a time and I had a couple of times when either I ( pregnant) or the children were ill in hospital and my wonderful friends came brought me food, clean nighties and looked after my other children.

At home I would say D&V with little ones about is probably the worst. Or all of you wmith it yuk!

Megs4x3 · 09/01/2018 19:30

You do because you have to. I was once so sick that I slept late in the morning and a neighbour came round to tell me that my 3-year-old was playing in the snow in his pyjamas, but that was the worst it ever got. I'd gone to bed forgetting to lock the back door. I was never sick enough to need hospital, but it's just a case of getting on with it and doing the bare minimum for a few days. Ex was worse than useless while I was married so being a single parent didn't make much difference to that kind of thing to be honest and I was lucky to be pretty healthy for the vast majority of the time. But thank you for the kind thoughts for those still parenting alone.

VinoTime · 09/01/2018 19:31

You just suck it up and carry on, tbh.

My DD is 10 now, so much more independent! She can make herself breakfast and lunch, and she also makes a mean cup of tea when Mum's not 100% Grin I've been loaded with the flu this past week. I don't have the option of lying in bed all day, but she's been bloody fantastic at helping me out.

When she was younger, cuddling up on the sofa and watching a lot of Disney sure helped!

Anyhope · 09/01/2018 19:31

Just get on with it. I don’t know how I did it before with big job and everyone taking advantage.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/01/2018 19:33

Mercifully I was never that ill while DS was little - I also had parents within a 40 minute drive and his dad has always been a good co-parent and could be called on in an emergency. I had to have a minor op when DS was 8 and his dad came and looked after him then.

Actually, about 18 months ago I had a bout of food poisoning, but he was big enough to microwave his own tea by then so I could just collapse into bed once he was home from school...

Dahlietta · 09/01/2018 19:34

I’m not a single parent but my DH can’t take time off if I’m ill. You muddle through!

Well, quite. I would have thought most people are in this position, to be honest.

c3pu · 09/01/2018 19:36

I've just had my kids for 6 days in the school hols while suffering with a bout of flu.

Lucky for me I'd just got them a new tablet and a computer for Christmas so 12 hours of screen time every day more or less saved my sanity.

Think we only left the house once.

InfiniteSheldon · 09/01/2018 19:37

You do just get on with but in also had a strong network of single mum friends and we helped each other out. I've had my friends babies, toddlers whilst they've been in hospital done multiple school runs and had the same back. I had more support without my ex than with him.

TeachesOfPeaches · 09/01/2018 19:38

Back to back CBeebies

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 09/01/2018 19:39

Because single parents just have to suck it up and get on with it.

Yes that sums it nicely. If there is no one else to help, you cannot afford to sucumb to disease, you just keep plodding through.

My worst one was a day that we both had a horrendous virus. DS has asthma so I walked with him to the GP, who called an ambulance for him. He was in the children’s ward strugling with his asthma and I was sitting next to him with a fever, a raging migraine and no one to relieve me to get some food for me.

And then you see all the other children with their mums, the dad coming to join them promptly and even the grandparents while you are there alone with your child and no ther family to call.

Worse part was when the nurse asked if there was someone we can call and DS splurted out “no, we are divorced”. Admiralty there were other times when I called DS dad when DS was in hospital but he never show up.

Backingvocals · 09/01/2018 19:39

It’s awful. But I think my DCs became quite independent quite early on and I think children of single parents often have this trait. Sometimes one parent just cannot carry on and they have to step up at an early age.

And yes you cope and get through it but never forget how awful it was. You have all my sympathies OP. It is the worst thing.

InspMorse · 09/01/2018 19:40

Many single parents have good support networks (their own parents, friends/family) and many single parents have no support whatsoever.
Depends entirely on circumstance.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 09/01/2018 19:40

Admittedly not Admiralty 🤔