To ask how the hell single parents...

[HonestTeacher]

look after their children when they are feeling ill them self?

I have awful sickness bug and cannot even look after myself. DP has to do everything for me. Got me wondering what I would do if I was a single parent and had to look after children whilst being this ill. Single parents, how do you manage to look aftef your children when you are also ill?! You are truly superheroes.

But you can bet your ass if I had a partner when I was deathly ill I'd hand my crotch goblin right over, no shame in that

"crotch goblin"

😂😂

Not a single parent but DH was in the Far East when I got a horrendous stomach bug - 5 year old DD tucked me in bed and brushed her teeth and put herself to bed (and left all the lights on all night!)

It hugely depends on your support network.
I had a friend whose ex came round when she had the flu and filled her fridge and took the kids away 'until she was better.'

There's a mum at school who sends her DC to her mums for 2 days when she has a headache.

If DH is abroad I'm stuffed.

What isabella said. If you have back up then you're breaking point is going to be a lot lower than if the only alternative is social services.

My worst experience was food poisoning when dd was about 8 months old. I had to take her downstairs shuffling on my bum because I couldn't stand, and fed her breakfast whilst sitting on a bucket and throwing up into a bowl. Not sure how I stayed awake till she fell asleep in the playpen, I just remember the whole period through a haze.

Luckily my friend and my neighbour who I didn't even know then came to the rescue just as I was about to admit defeat and resort to ss. Friend took me to pharmacy and neighbour watched dd. Pharmacist wanted me to go to a&e because I was severely dehydrated after two days without water, but instead I just took a shit load of pills to stop the vomiting. Once I could keep down water I knew I could stay conscious, which was my main concern.

Nothing whatsoever like a partner at work. A week later when I ate my first small meal, having lost so much weight the gp wanted to admit me, I still had a weeks destruction to clear up, no shopping in, a job to go to etc without anyone to help.

Second time I was in an accident, so initially sore and immobile, not ill, and then just sported plaster/ crutches. Loads easier cos dd was 11 and I had a support network.

Other lesser stuff like a 24hr d&v bug you just soldier through. Luckily I'm generally healthy.

Ending up in hospital is my biggest fear currently. DD would end up in social care without a doubt. I think things like that make you realise just how isolated you are as a single parent for sure

I had a friend whose ex came round when she had the flu and filled her fridge and took the kids away 'until she was better

I wish my ex was like. I'd be ill every week and get my shopping for free

My ex husband travelled A LOT with work but when you are in this situation there is always light at the end of the túnel (he will be back on Saturday, next month of the summer). You don’t have that as a single parent. It is relentless.

Another thing that makes a big difference is that when you are the only person bringing the income in, the weight of that is enormous. Even if married to someone who travels for work, you have that peace of mind that whatever happens, with the help of your partner/husband’s income, you will find a way.

But when you are your own it is different, no matter how complicated things get, how unwell you feel, how tired you are, you just keep going, even if it is because if you don’t bring the income nobody else will.

lunchboxpolice - they are my go to example of good co-parenting after a split. Rare though. They have even been known to go on holiday and split the childcare so each gets a break

I had years of practice as my ex was in the military and away a lot. It really is suck it up as there is no alternative. I know the 'I don't know how you do it' comments are admiring but I do find them a bit irritating sometimes.

I do it cos I have to. I have had migraines where I have had to pull the car over, open the door and throw up, then carry on to get the kids to school. (God forbid their attendence goes down). My son is disabled, its not an option to ignore him for a few hours if I am throwing up.

I do think though, in the year I have been totally single, is I've not been as ill as I normally would. If I feel germs starting I tell them to fuck off I refuse to submit!

When I split up with ex, my mantra was pretty much 'I'll be ok because I have to be.' I didn't have any idea how I was going to manage that, but I knew I had to make things ok for the DC.

Same thing applied when I had Actual Proper Bastard Flu just before Christmas. It was fucking horrendous, completely wiped me out, I'm still not 100% now, but you just have to keep going because there's no other option. I'm lucky in that both DC are older (12 & 9) so can sort out their basic needs.

And just to say... in some ways being a single parent is easier. Because you know no one's going to ride in and help you out/let you down and leave you seething. You know it's all down to you. It takes the element of choice out of it. You have to do it, because no one else will.

But it's nice to be appreciated all the same

Wasn't meant to be a patronising thread as somebody posted..the point was I actually wanted to know how single parents do it! One day I might be in that position and would be good to know how to cope in that situation. Thank you for all the parents saying what they do when they're ill. I love the one about having a bed in the living room and watching films all day. And I know that I need to teach the DC to use the toaster ASAP!

I didn't take it as patronising @HonestTeacher. Everyone has a different story - I never expected to be a single parent but that's what I have been for 6.5yrs now. Think you don't quite realise what you are capable of until you're faced with it iyswim? Yes I would love someone there as support through the bad times and to go live the hell out of the good times with. But as knackering as it is, and as hard as it is, I still manage to have a lot of fun too. Might not be the life I chose but gonna do my best to make it as best as possible for DD and I!

When I was single I just got on with it. OH works away during the week now so I have to get on with it anyway! I remember the worst time was when I had a vomiting bug, so did my kids (one was 1 and one was 5) and my God that was difficult. I had to dehydrate myself somewhat and make sure I didn’t eat a thing just so that I would dry heave bile instead of bringing more up so I could clean up after the kids. Nightmare!

Widowed parent here, been on my own with DD 7 and DD 3 since was pregnant with second DD, so 3.5 years. The universe gave my husband cancer and me perfect health, so I'm never ill. Thank Fuck.

(^my ex works away too)

Just have to muddle through... I always think you feel worse when you've got the help because you know it's there and you can be worse where as when you don't have the help you just suck it up and carry on (if that makes sense, my mind works different to most 😂)

I've noticed a huge difference now I have DP, to the point when I'm poorly I properly feel sorry for myself and can happily wallow in it because I've got the DP to help and run after us, where as when I was a single parent I wouldn't have chance to think about it. My mum always says to me "you used to be a tough'n when you were ill now you're a wuss" and I totally agree 😂😂😂

With great difficulty!
The worst occasion I can remember was when youngest DC was still in a cot
I slipped coming down the stairs - fell most of length and hurt my back, hip and tore intercostal muscles
I vividly remember having to crawl on hands and knees down hallway to his bedroom and when I got there couldn’t lift DC out of cot due to pain, somehow I got the cot side down and rolled them out onto cushion - I then had to be like my cat and grabbed his baby grow in my teeth and carried him a few feet at a time to where we needed to be
Had a lot of health conditions when DC were younger and was in and out of hospital - DM would help but only looked after DC and did nothing else - I remember having to get up from my bed to make packed lunches and feed them, despite DM being there - again I had to crawl across kitchen whilst intermittently pulling myself up on cupboards to throw up in sink

I agree about it being different when you have a husband who works away because there's an end in sight. Dh was the other side of the world when ds got a fluey bug, dd for scarlet fever and I got sinusitis all at once, kids were still small and it was shit for those 10 days or so but I knew once Dh was home I'd hand them over and get a break.

I don't mean this in a patronising way although I can understand why people feel like that but it's coming from a place of admiration in the same way I admkre people with lots of kids who cope better than I do with 2! I'm sure I'd cope if I had to but it'd be tough. It's like when you have your first baby and it takes up all your time but then you have your second and you wonder how!

I did with 3 children and breast cancer, with very little outside help. We live off easy food, there were days I crawled on my hands and knees upstairs. They are great kids very rarely complained, but I felt so guilty.
When you have no other choice, you just find ways to get through.

You just do and the DCs eat a lot of crap, because you do not want to prepare food and pass it to them.

Hence small white loaf in the freezer and they can have nutella sandwiches till the cows come home.

Eldest is now 9 - brought me a bucket, glass of water, tissues and a towel and a blanket over me as I puked for England. Got supper for his younger sib and put to bed - my little star

Migraines are a disabling thing to have. I can't watch the dc with one but have somehow in the past, totally get having dh at work isn't the same but still hard muddling through with active, danger to themselves toddler who won't watch TV. I have felt soo vulnerable with children I have dh but no other family to help. It's a massive ma's relief they are past toddler age. Dh left me stuck in bed, with ear infection with heat wave and that day we were told dangerous air pollution. I shut bedroom door and toddler was stuck in bed room with me all day. I had stand off with dh and told him I couldn't watch dd again I would have to let her alone downstairs he had to take day off.

Anyway full admiration to single mums with no support... They you are hidden really in this plight maybe an app of network needs to be set up somehow!

I used to manage any way I could. Even if that meant the kids survived on cereal and tv for a couple of days. If i was really ill is phone my mum but know not everyone is that fortunate.

I remember once, dc must have been about 6 and 4, and I had proper debilitating flu. I'd struggled and managed to instruct them on where to find cereal/bread/whatever. They'd tucked me up on the floor under all their blankets because I was so cold. (I didn't want to lay on the couch as they were sat there watching tv). I kept drifting off to sleep and have a vague recollection of them discussing the fact I was boiling hot and sweaty, but shivering and complaining of feeling cold. But also (and i suspect more importantly to them) they were hungry and wanted dinner but knew I was too poorly to cook. They decided to phone grandma and ask if they could come for a sleepover

Most of the time though I'd struggle through vomiting bugs, migraines and once a trapped nerve in my back that meant I could hardly walk to make sure they had what they needed. And were at school.

Since dp moved in last year I've become a total wimp and take to my bed at the slightest headache or back twinge. I think I'm over compensating for 7 years of doing it alone! (Mostly Alone)

It just comes across a bit annoying, I actually don't know many adults or mothers single or not who can have a whole day in bed being waited on when ill. 90% just have to get on with it, if you just can't afford a sick day, are alone with the DCs etc.

There isn't really "top tips" because everyone will be different and have different coping techniques if they have to depending on how poorly they are. I wouldn't worry about "preparing" for the worst, should you ever become a single parent you will just find the inner strength as no one will allow you to be "weak" as it were

greeneyed that does really scare me. How vulnerable you must have felt. Hope you are well now.

The other thing that used to scare me is being very ill overnight when I had tiny children knowing that they couldn’t raise the alarm. For a while I did a thing with a friend where we would text each other every morning. So if we didn’t text someone would know there was a problem and could alert medics etc.

You just have to struggle through. I do worry though about what I'd do if I was ever seriously ill or had to go into hospital or anything though. I try not to think about it to be honest!