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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the hell single parents...

272 replies

HonestTeacher · 09/01/2018 18:51

look after their children when they are feeling ill them self?

I have awful sickness bug and cannot even look after myself. DP has to do everything for me. Got me wondering what I would do if I was a single parent and had to look after children whilst being this ill. Single parents, how do you manage to look aftef your children when you are also ill?! You are truly superheroes.

OP posts:
mummypig14 · 09/01/2018 20:08

What is the point in these type of threads? Are you expecting anything else apart from single parents to tell you how hard it is and for you to sleep better at night knowing how lucky you are?

kaytee87 · 09/01/2018 20:09

Has this exact thread not been repeated about 3 times recently?

mathanxiety · 09/01/2018 20:10

TV, peanut butter, crackers, a stash of Gatorade for me and emergency fish fingers and oven chips for the DCs. Plus phone numbers of classmates' parents who could take them to and from school.

1DAD2KIDS · 09/01/2018 20:11

Normally if one of us is ill, we are all ill. Basically we going into lock down, live of the stores in the cupboard and see it through. It doesn't matter how ill you are you just have to keep on going. You find the strength because what else can you do?

Backingvocals · 09/01/2018 20:12

I think that’s because there’s loads of sickness about and lots of people are musing in how hard it is to do childcare when you are ill let alone ill and alone. Nothing wrong with that.

It’s the one thing that makes me feel vulnerable as a single parent.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 09/01/2018 20:12

My eldest could make sandwiches and drinks from the age of 5. He progressed to pasta, a jar of sauce and grated cheese by 10. Fortunately never been seriously ill but the odd day now and I am fussed over and they take the opportunity to sit on their tablets all day. Could be worse!

LunchBoxPolice · 09/01/2018 20:15

My worst experience as a single parent was last year when I broke my wrist and then 3 year old DS and I had a sickness bug. Dealing with all that literally one handed was bloody awful. I felt like a superhero after that week Grin

streetlife70s · 09/01/2018 20:15

I threw crisps, biscuits and cereal at the kids and stuck telly on non stop. Crawled to the taps to fill up beakers. They survived. I nearly didn’t.

Thank god im no longer alone. It was hell.

Bluelonerose · 09/01/2018 20:18

Tv as a babysitter and make sure you have enough bread and milk in so they can eat.

I had a d&v bug when ds1 was 2 and dd was 1. In the end I phoned their dad up and begged him to take them for the night.
Thankfully he's always been good and did but those few hours in the day were terrible.

Once they get older it's not too bad coz they take care of themselves and help out.

I also had a mom from the school who lives down the road. I sent dd down there one morning with a note saying I was really poorly is there any chance she could walk dd to school for me.

mirime · 09/01/2018 20:20

Thing is in a crisis you just get on with it and don't think about it too much. I'm not a single parent but that's what happened when DH was seriously ill and I spent a week basically caring for him 24 hours a day, then visiting him twice a day in hospital, out of the house from 7am until 8.30pm walking from town to hospital, back to town for lunch then back to the hospital then lift back to in law's house as I had no transport and they're rural.

People have told me they don't think they could have coped, but when you're in it you just do what you have to. I'd guess it's like that, but longer term.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/01/2018 20:21

One of my friends (not single parent but when she had a 2 year old and newborn twins) had a fab motto that she'd say to herself as she got into bed each night 'everyone fed, no-ones dead' that was a successful days outcome!

Always sticks with me, so bloody true!

Kewcumber · 09/01/2018 20:22

I’m not a single parent but my DH can’t take time off if I’m ill. You muddle through!

Do you not think that's a tad insensitive when someone had posted that her children had to go into foster care when she was in hospital and her 10 year called the ambulance and packed her bag.

DS had swine flu when he was about 3, closely followed by me. Couldn't get anyone outside to help as it wouldn't be fair to expose them.

Babyroobs · 09/01/2018 20:24

There are single parents who are totally alone and there are many who have a supportive ex partner and supportive extended family who they can call on in times of crisis.

Kewcumber · 09/01/2018 20:30

It's when the chips are down that it's really tough dealing with being a single parent.

When my mother was dying, DS had to be left for hours at a time as I had to juggle the competing needs of a dying mother and a 12 year old.

Thankfully he was old enough to be on his own but it wasn't pleasant.

CinnamonLozengesareyum · 09/01/2018 20:36

My eldest child is great when I've been sick. A while back we were on a flight. I was ill, temp 40, could barely stand/talk etc. Then 6yo sorted 2yo's snacks, read to him and comforted him when he was scared on take off. It was very sweet.

I'm lucky that I'd ask my ex if I really needed help.

IndependentMum · 09/01/2018 20:37

It's awful but you just have to get on with it. It's a very lonely frustrating and isolating experience particularly when the ex feels free to get on with his life going on romantic breaks with the new woman, not helping with childcare and being a general ass. Whilst i'm struggling vomiting regularly and looking after his son. Men definitely have it easy..

BrimFire · 09/01/2018 20:38

What is the point in these type of threads? Are you expecting anything else apart from single parents to tell you how hard it is and for you to sleep better at night knowing how lucky you are

Mmm not sure about that. So many thread about annoying DH and DP's when they or poster are ill. I love being on my own with . All I've known and suits me.

IsabellaTruffle · 09/01/2018 20:38

I do find these kind of comments in RL and threads on here a bit patronising and odd.

A friend in RL will constantly say oh DD has been up all night in the end DH and I took shifts, god knows how you cope alone Hmm.

You just do, because you have to. You are only able to be as precious as you are allowed to be at the end of the day. DC1 was 18 months when I had an awful sickness bug and I just had to put him in the highchair with peppa pig and snacks!

Now with two DCs its just muddling through, its horrendous feeling ill and caring for little ones (who aren't fussed how ill you feel) but ultimatley a day of snacky foods and movies doesn't do them any harm..

CheshireChat · 09/01/2018 20:50

My mum was in that position, I remember helping from very early on and being left on my own etc. I didn't mind obviously.

roomsonfire · 09/01/2018 20:52

I have a box in the cupboard with every OTC medicine going plus a well stocked first aid kit. I keep emergency taxi money in there to get DC to school - works out to be £15/day for the worst of when I'm ill and I keep £50 in there.

I keep 2 cartons of UHT milk in the cupboard and a loaf in the freezer and have ample cans of rice pudding, soup and beans so DC can eat If i'm ill.

That covers me for everything up to flu.

If I'm ever in hospital it'll be foster care.

I have some minor surgeries coming up soon and I'm having to opt to go with a local anaesthetic rather than general because I just cant get care for the recover time. I am not sure how I will cope with these minor surgeries given one is on my ear. When I had my wisdom teeth out my face swelled up so I couldn't see out of one eye properly. I had to keep DC home from school and got a bollocking from education welfare over it.

I turned down explorative surgery to find out if I have endometriosis because I couldn't get care and because it was elective I couldn't get any kind of respite. I still dont know and Still have heavy painful periods.

When I broke my foot I didn't go to A&E because i had no childcare and fuck off was i spending sat night in A&E with a child. I went early Sun morning instead. Huge expense with taxis.

When I had food poisoning my mother (we were in contact then) flat out refused to bring DC a happy meal because I was so shit scared of handling food and passing it on so DC lived on cold canned rice pudding and toast for 48 hours whilst the worst of it passed. DC was 7 then so able to make toast in a toaster but not use the hob.

I'm asthmatic and seem to get every cold going and that almost always develops into a nasty sinus infection, ear infection or chest infection. I'm ridiculously well prepared.

alwayslearning789 · 09/01/2018 20:54

Just wanted to reiterate what Meg said:

Thank you for the kind thoughts for those still parenting alone.

NoqontroI · 09/01/2018 20:57

Urubu: Could you hire a babysitter for a couple of hours

That costs money. For a lot of us, we don't have the luxury of a second income. Or even much of an income.

Vole3 · 09/01/2018 21:02

I put my back out. Had to get my then 5 year old to help me get my knickers on.
Cried all the way as I drove to the shop due to the pain, but had run out of bread and milk.
Got my Childminder to collect him from me on the way to the school rather than me drop him off.
He got good at making toast for both of us

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/01/2018 21:07

Hire a babysitter?
From where, and paying them with what?

So many people just don't understand what being on your own with a tiny budget really is.

NeedsANap · 09/01/2018 21:23

I don't have a choice. I do the mom routine and puke in the toilet occasionally as I need to. DayQuil the fuck out of myself.