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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the hell single parents...

272 replies

HonestTeacher · 09/01/2018 18:51

look after their children when they are feeling ill them self?

I have awful sickness bug and cannot even look after myself. DP has to do everything for me. Got me wondering what I would do if I was a single parent and had to look after children whilst being this ill. Single parents, how do you manage to look aftef your children when you are also ill?! You are truly superheroes.

OP posts:
TrojanWhore · 09/01/2018 19:42

"I’m not a single parent but my DH can’t take time off if I’m ill. You muddle through!"

Unless he's on an oil rig, or something else which means he isn't going to be back for weeks/months (and has no means of making morale boosting phone calls) it's really not comparable to being a lone parent. Even if someone only comes home after DC bedtime, it still makes a crucial difference that you're not alone.

Anyhope · 09/01/2018 19:45

Very hard though for everyone but prefer to risks of trying to meet someone & issues had.. don’t get me started...I only have 1 child sure has special needs but never been assessed and dysfunctional environments people etc. So anyone with more than 1 child I do not know how managed.

RedTitsMcGinty · 09/01/2018 19:46

You cope. You have to. I have no family nearby and ExH fucked off 150 miles away so I have no other choice. I have epilepsy and DD (7yo) knows how to phone 999 if need be.

That said, recently DD’s lovely friend’s lovely mum came round and picked her up for half the day because I had spent the night on the toilet, clasping a bucket. I crawled back into bed very, very grateful.

Mintychoc1 · 09/01/2018 19:48

You muddle through as best you can. And in my case, you build up as much goodwill from other local parents as you possibly can, having kids round for tea, giving people lifts to sports etc - then in your hour of need, people are happy to help out. That's been my experience anyway.

As a single parent you can't afford to make enemies!

SweetIcedTea · 09/01/2018 19:48

My ex worked shifts and couldn't take time off, I'm now single, it is very different.

Luckily dd is a teenager now so old enough to make food and bring cups of tea.

brizzledrizzle · 09/01/2018 19:48

You just do, there isn't any alternative but to look after the children.

NewBrian · 09/01/2018 19:48

You just get through it somehow. I remember being glued to the toilet and vomiting and 2 year old DS still talking at me! Now he’s older it’d be easier as he’d happily watch a screen all day. It was the same before I was single parent too as his dad wouldn’t have stayed off work, he only managed 3 days when I’d had a ceserean.

RebeccaBunch · 09/01/2018 19:49

a few years ago I had a really dreadful flu over Xmas -completely wiped out. DD1 got it too. DD2 was pretty much in charge age 3 :)

I set up big bed in the front room, DD2 lived on toast, satsumas, milk and chocolate for 3 days. DD2 and I on liquids. We slept lots in giant family bed and I played films all day for DC while I slept on & off.

Visit with friends on Xmas day had to be cancelled and we ventured out Xmas eve (I was over the hump but still very unwell) & bought a chicken, sprouts and puddings in a haze and desperation. I don't know how I cooked the chicked, but I did and we all ate a little.

We now look back on this Xmas with fondness, though it seemed like a disaster at the time.

PeppermintPasty · 09/01/2018 19:49

I'm a single parent and I'm lucky enough to live in a village full of good people. I'm hundreds of miles away from family (they are mainly mad and/or horrible), and if I'm ill to the point of not being able to stand (if I'm ill I tend to get those crappy bugs/viruses/whatever that make you feel like you've drunk 2 bottles of wine on an empty stomach, they kill my head) there are around ten people I could call on in a morning emergency, probably more actually. They would, and have, get/got the kids to school and deliver them back to me, some will keep them for me so I can kip.

There is a secondary layer of people here, much more of them, who know my kids very well, quietly keep an eye on all the children in the village, and would help me/them in a heartbeat. These are the parents and grandparents of my friends, and their wider family and friends.
I feel lucky.

The number one issue for me as a sp, well, I suspect all parents are like this, is to stay well!! It's such a total bastard to be ill! I do get sick pay, but if I'm off, my work only gets covered to a minimum and I get the guilts about it, which is dumb of course.

So, shout out to my friends in this village. You are fantastic.

And yy to muddling through from one mad day to the next.

Starlight2345 · 09/01/2018 19:49

I was once in the position I had a sickness bug , I went to throw up and came back while I left DS on changing mat, came back he had threw up.. I got someone to come round for an hour so I had time to properly be sick instead of running back and forward rather than throwing up minimum .After that I took him to bed breast fed him to sleep. She kindly tidied round and pushed keys through.

Now my DS loves me to get a sickness but. He gets to stare at anything electronic. I cook him things like supernoodles as they don't really smell of food.

HappyHedgehog247 · 09/01/2018 19:51

It's so lovely when people acknowledge how hard single parenting is :) So far only one terrible bout of us both with puking bug at same time. Got through all bedding. We were sleeping on towels by end of the night. Thank goodness for Peppa Pig on iPad. When we are both ill at the same time is the only time I don't like being a single parent. Wishing everyone well getting through cold and flu laden winter whether single parent or not!!

CrookBook · 09/01/2018 19:52

I posted on MN when i was coming out of a bout of illness, at the end of my tether. I got ripped a new one for being horrid/impatient/mean/a terrible parent etc...so, i cant recommend reaching out for support!

brizzledrizzle · 09/01/2018 19:52

I’m not a single parent but my DH can’t take time off if I’m ill. You muddle through!

That's not the same though, unless they are working away from home then they are home at night to get up with the children and make you cups of tea etc.

Many single parents have nobody at all who can step in and help with the children. A single parent I know (living overseas) had an operation and lied to the hospital because she had to get home for her children and so said that there would be somebody in the house with her. She then walked her children to school the next day despite having been told to stay in bed and she wasn't able to drive.

BrimFire · 09/01/2018 19:53

I haven't been properly sick ( DS is now 12) since I've had him, However I did cut my finger down to the bone when DS was 2 and had an ectopic pregnancy.
First one I had to make do and struggle to minor injuries with the wee niper.
The second I had to call a friend.

Ellendegeneres · 09/01/2018 19:54

It’s a nightmare- but as my doctor kindly said to me ‘us mums can do anything really- we’re bloody marvellous.’ (She’d asked me how the hell I manage my toddler legging it while I’m on crutches, and I’d shrugged saying what are my options but to get on with it!)
Fortunately, I’ve missed the last 3 sick bugs my kids have caught, despite the youngest doing his best to ensure I get it.
When ds1 was hospitalised last year, ds2 went to stay with his dad- back as soon as discharged though, as his work wouldn’t allow more time off.

storynanny · 09/01/2018 19:58

I am a homestart volunteer and am totally in awe of the single parents I have visited, I dont know how you do it.

Urubu · 09/01/2018 20:00

Could you hire a babysitter for a couple of hours, to help with mealtime and/or bathtime for ex?

I'm not a single parent, but have been really unwell with no other adullt around with baby twins to care so, and I agree with PP: "how do you do it?" comments are annoying, you just have to, that's it.

Gibble1 · 09/01/2018 20:00

I honestly don’t know how people cope. I had Norovirus when I was 8 months pregnant with an almost 2 year old. She sat wailing in the car while I vomited all over the driveway for 15 minutes. Then I managed to get her out and put her changing bag on her back and she virtually carried me to the flat.
She went and got me the phone to ring DH but he couldn’t leave work. She was hungry but I couldn’t move from the stairs so she got something to climb on so she could reach the fridge and ate all the yoghurt as that was all that was in reach.
She also got me a pillow.
That day scared me. I couldn’t look after any of the three of us and there was nobody to call on and DD was too little to be able to do anything if I’d passed out for very long.

TheSassyAssassin · 09/01/2018 20:00

If we both have a sickness bug it is horrendous. It's tough. But has made me incredibly resourceful. There are times when I would give anything for someone to offer me a cuppa and say I'll do that, you have 5 mins. And there are times when having to do everything and make every decision can be overwhelming. And being ill doesn't mean that all stops but you learn to keep going (dragged self round on a broken ankle for 48hrs inc driving to pick up DD from school before admitting defeat and going to hospital where found out it was broken and needed to be none weight-bearing for 6 weeks...that was a fun time...not!). It's not easy. But we manage because we have to!

user764329056 · 09/01/2018 20:01

You do what you have to, I remember having flu and crawling on the floor after my little 3 year old all day just trying to stay present, had no one I could call on at the time, I remember that day feeling like a week

Bumsnetnetbums · 09/01/2018 20:01

Last yr spent 5 days on the floor with norovirus. Crawled to the kitchen to feed baby. Left tv on all day. Changed nappies as little as poss. Toddler had to get nappies and wipes. Neighbour took kids to and from school. Ordered take out oldest 2 sorted it. Just literally survived.
There is noone to help but you manage because you have to.

Ispy123 · 09/01/2018 20:02

I'm a single mum and I've been hunched over the cooker making my kids dinner at times but I have no other choice, I have to get on with it.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 09/01/2018 20:02

They fend for themselves if I'm really ill.

I've built up a decent support network and have really good neighbours I can call on in an emergency

The eldest is 9 and can manage most things with a bit of guidance, including getting the youngest two ready for bed. He's ace.

ShinyStella · 09/01/2018 20:03

When you have to do it what alternative is there. Simple

NonplussedwithFB · 09/01/2018 20:07

I've had flu since Saturday, ExH 'helpfully' dropped off the 3dcs on Sunday lunchtime and my parents would never pick up the slack and are in centre parks. DS1 (14) got forced to make tea and wash up whilst telling me I couldn't possibly have 'real flu' because I'm not in bed. no I'm on the sofa and the school drive nearly killed me. Being a lone parent and ill is proper shit. Made even worse by realising you literally have no option. Don't even want to think about what work think (I work FT and was off Christmas week on AL, back last week but now sick Sad)