To ask if you would re-marry your DP, knowing now what you didn't back then?

[constantchange]

I thought this would make for an interesting thread.--

If you could go back to the year you married your husband/wife, would you still marry them, knowing everything you do about them now that you didn't back then?

Absolutely, been together over 20 years married for 18.

He still makes me laugh and smile daily, he is fun, accepting of my debilitating medical condition, looks after me when I am ill, is an incredible plugged in father to our two secondary school boys, I genuinely couldn't ask for more.

Yes, absolutely, but I would have left it longer and got him to sort out his relationship with PIL first. Then I could have had a much nicer wedding as a result. (He did deal with it all, but only after the wedding had been destroyed - I'm very glad to be married, but I do wish I'd had a nicer experience of getting married, IYSWIM).

No, absolutely not. He is not the man I thought he was at all. I wouldn't want to have not had DS though, he's amazing.
I'd go as far as to say that I would never get married again, and wish I never had in the first place. The 'security' that you hear so much about on here means that as the main earner I stand to lose half of everything I've worked for, while 'D'H who spent his life jumping from job to job when it suited him, hardly contributing, never saving, will walk away with enough to set him up in a new home, nearly half my final salary pension, and no obligation to care for DS or pay towards DS's care.
I believe in marriage values, which is why I got married, but it sucks right now

@barbarianmum

I asked my dh out first and he said no! After a few weeks, he came a-crawling back though .

Yes, but not in a church. That was just to please other people.
He's the love of my life.

We've been together 20 years this year. I won't pretend there haven't been some small wobbles here and there. But yes, in a second. He's one of the most lovely people I know and I am so lucky to have found him. I've been quite ill recently and he has been my rock. I love him with all my heart.

I would make more effort to get him to take on more of the emotional/mental labour of running a household though. I've done all of this myself up until now, as frustrating as that was, and it's going to be a chore to make him do more of the thinking side of running a household as well as the physical side. But I'm recovering from encephalitis and need to rest my brain, so PE kits and school lunch money and after school clubs are going to have to become his problem too!

No. Marriage really isn't for me.

Probably not.

I would...but whether he would is another question 😂

We’ve been together 26 years, married nearly 23. Massive ups and downs, mostly due to my mental health problems. But we’ve stuck by each other and have a gorgeous dd who we both adore.

juddyrockingcloggs he does what on your tits? Love an early morning typo with my cuppa, hahahaha!

d

I wish I’d known he sniffed so much ;)

Yes, in a heartbeat.

Yep. But the actual marriage part was only because we bought a house and had children, we didnt want a wedding but we both wanted the legal security of a marriage. If we were still living our pre-children life i wouldn't have married him, I'm not religious and neither of us would be financially dependant on the other at all or anything.

Yes. I miss him so much.

Absolutely! Been together for 32 years and wouldn't change it for anything. I think we are very lucky to have what we have.

I would marry him again tomorrow. It isn't all hearts and Rosie's, it's bloody hard work at times but I'd marry him again.

No absolutely not. Apart from having the children,it was a big mistake.

he eats on my tits quite often

Aha! The REAL secret to a long and happy marriage !

juddyrockingcloggs he does what on your tits? Love an early morning typo with my cuppa, hahahaha!

Oh good god! It's too early!

@juddy

Yes and like previous poster I’d go back and split up with my ex much earlier and meet my DH a year or two earlier!

I'd like to say yes. But right now I struggle.

We have a beautiful family, happy healthy children. My wife is intelligent, caring, devoted mother, fit, compassionate, loyal, a wonderful role model, beautiful. We love each other very much.

But the marriage is almost dead and I want to leave. I would not want my children to go through what I am going through.

Having said that, we wouldn't have this family if we hadn't got married, so, it's a difficult question to answer. We've had more than our fair share of joy and happiness down the line so I will always remember that fondly.

No... My dexh was not interested in women... I had inkling then but I was 19 and insecure about my looks and just liked bring in a couple.

Don't regret it in many ways as had good life, my fabulous daughters, and have stayed excellent friends.

Dp... Well I just wish I had met him first and had my whole adult life with him...

Yes

No - I've got a wonderful DH, and I love him to bits, but I wouldn't marry anyone. I've made so many compromises re: whee we live (I hate this house and never wanted to move here; he loves it - ditto car) and my job vs his that I became quite resentful over time (though apart from the house and car I am over them - mostly). And he is bone bloody idle in the house.

I'd semi-live with him though. I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend time with or have children with, but I think I'm one of those people who needs to spend a lot of time alone. I need space - physical and mental.

In retrospect I should have laid the law down when we were first married about how housework should be shared out. I didn't - though I did nag a lot - and it fell on me because he doesn't even notice it and isn't bothered. I am.

Absolutely! We only got married 3 years ago but have been together 10, and I couldn't ask for a better man, husband, and father to my kids. If I could have designed my ideal man, it wouldn't have been him but he's actually better than what I would have come up with