Summer and uncertaindreams - it's just that thought that am I being selfish? On the outside I have everything I've always wanted, and should count myself lucky - nice enough house, car that is reliable, 3 lovely children and a husband who is working, earning a decent enough salary, isn't violent / drunk / on drugs / no particularly antisocial habits.
But I just feel empty.
I feel like I'm bottom of the long list of priorities, I work full time but it's a chaos of rushing from school run to work to school run to after-school activities to cooking, washing, cleaning, bed, then up before sun-up the following day and it all starts again. I've worked so hard over the years for what we have, but I never get a chance to enjoy it, as it's always "next", and within that he floats in and out, rarely taking any responsibility for children, with their needs, issues and traumas. Rarely home before almost bed time as too busy, yet can manage to get off work early for 'his' things (pub with mates, his hobbies). Even at Christmas he spends a fortune on his family (some of whom are lovely, but some of whom, especially MIL, do their utmost to make me feel unworthy, stupid, like a scourge on the family....) and I'll be lucky to get a pair of slippers that are too small and a cardi his mother would wear. Then I feel like an ungrateful cow for feeling like that, but just a little token of appreciation.... doesn't need to cost much, but needs to be bought with thought!
For many years it was a constant struggle with money to make ends meet and at that point extravagant presents to the ungrateful MIL really grated...
I feel stuck in a rut - it's not that bad, so couldn't turn the children's life upside down by getting out, but it's never going to change.
Right, now going to crack on with some happy thoughts!