To ask if you would re-marry your DP, knowing now what you didn't back then?

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I thought this would make for an interesting thread.--

If you could go back to the year you married your husband/wife, would you still marry them, knowing everything you do about them now that you didn't back then?

Yes. I had no doubts nearly 30 years ago when we met and he was on the bones of his arse. It was the v right decision. Love him more every day that passes.

No. I didn't realise what a nasty drunk he is.

Oh all you fortunate blissfully happily married people!

No way I’d have married my DH again had I known what an unpleasant, grumpy, controlling, critical, entitled and selfish bastard he’d become. We’re divorcing now, after twenty years together after he’d started shagging a family friend. Apparently he still loves me and the kids and doesn’t want to break the family - he just feels he’s entitled to a woman on the side after so many years together.

I’d keep our kids though, they are brilliant!

No way. But don't regret my amazing children
.

No - but am now getting divorced so I guess that figures. There were 10 good years out of 22 though and 3 dc so ...

(and he is making the divorce so hard )

To answer your question, poisoning, we lived together for four years before getting married. Problem is, people do change over the years, some unpleasant traits that were perhaps kept in check before marriage become more obvious, and there are certain types of people who just sufficate in a very long-term relationship. And most of all - parenthood changes all the dynamics of the relationship, not always for the better.

If I'd known how much he would hate having our children I might not have married him. This thread has really upset me to think about.

Yeah. He's a diamond.

No

Definitely, but not sure we would have kids second time around.

In a heartbeat. We have our tough times and ups and downs but at the end of the day I love him to bits. That was a good question - glad I immediately thought yes!

Only for the children.
I do love him, and I think we're in the 'bad, but not that bad' camp and I have no plans nor desire to leave. But if I had my time over I'd make several different choices, and that would be one of them. I think he'd say the same.

Annoyingly, it's only been since having my children that I seem to have acquired the confidence and self-respect to see all that is wrong - just when it's so much more complicated to end it. I wish I'd seen it sooner and left.

Not a chance. Wouldn't get married at all if I had known what it would be like or had kids would be enjoying life and freedom and seeing the world. I would still get my cat though!

No...definitely not , when we were enjoying our whirlwind romance I did not know that he was self medicating with alcohol to overcome his mental health difficulties , gradually , after we married he became increasingly controlling and chronically depressed. He now has a diagnosis of Apergers and as he gets older he is getting worse..He has not worked for 25 years and I have developed mental health problems after 33 years looking after everyone.Am planning to leave as soon as I can sell the house and hopefully have a bit of a good life before I croak!!!

Yes. Married 1990 , 3 children, divorced 2000. Remained friend's.
18 years later , wished I / both had worked harder at staying married as we have as friends.

No and I would leave XH1 earlier than I did (alcoholic). I think i rushed into marriage with XH2 (started dating, married and had a child in 2 years) so i would slow down and not marry him (economical with the truth).

Probably not. Though we've been together 25 yrs the last ten have been really hard as oh has become more and more severely mentally ill

Yes because he is fun, patient, endlesslessy loving, gorgeous and smart. I know he will be an incredible father if we choose to go down that road.

BUT. He is in the military and I would seriously reconsider ‘terms’ on our getting married (ie. leave) if I had known the emotional mangle I would have to endure.

(7 years together and 5 years married)

herethereandeverywhere

Completely sympathise with the hug thing. Ditto.

Hmmmm

I love him and we're happy but lately he's started turning into his Dad. I look at his Dad (who is a miserable sod, and paranoid as fuck) and I think fuck I've got that to come

In the last 12/18 months he's become incredibly racist/xenophobic/homophobic/transphobic etc etc but he doesn't see it that he is, which horrifies me, especially some of the things he says in front of DS it really upsets me but more so that I think how have I gone 20 years and not known this about him????

No. I wish I could have seen into the future when I met him. Long courtship, madly in love when we married, lots of laughs, aspirations and both hard workers. However when children came along after five years marriage he became the most selfish, grumpy and cruel individual. He hated fatherhood and saw the children as nuisances. I divorced him when our youngest was five to spare them from his nastiness and so I could feel happy again. Being alone as a single working Mum was much better than being married to an ogre. People change.

to everyone else whose marriages have been damaged by mental illness. It's horrendous.

Yep totally

15 years together (married 10) health scares, loss, MCs, DD and several bonkers pets.

We lost our way for a bit, but we’re good.

He’s my lobster.

If I’d known how difficult marriage is, no I’d never had married.

Tbh, if we ever split, I’d probably never get married again. Meh!