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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you would re-marry your DP, knowing now what you didn't back then?

484 replies

constantchange · 09/01/2018 08:27

I thought this would make for an interesting thread.--

If you could go back to the year you married your husband/wife, would you still marry them, knowing everything you do about them now that you didn't back then?

OP posts:
zeebeedee · 10/01/2018 19:54

Not sure - 3 fantastic kids, but a long history of stress and depression have made it very difficult, and, if I had known what to look for, the signs were there before we got married....

BrownTurkey · 10/01/2018 19:54

In a heartbeat. He is ace, I thought it then and I know it now.

Thiswayorthatway · 10/01/2018 19:57

Absolutely 😍😍😍😍
And I hope he feels the same

Kibbler86 · 10/01/2018 19:57

Yes & like a few others I would have liked to have got with him sooner. Been the best years of my life

UnderTheDesk · 10/01/2018 20:01

No. He has mental and physical health problems that mean he can't work, so we're quite poor. My life is a lot harder than it should have been, he's unable to support me emotionally, and overall, although I do love him, I don't love him enough to be happy in this life with him.

Lovemygirls2015 · 10/01/2018 20:03

No because he was an absolute idiot back then. Been together 34 years and married 26. Would re marry him now in a heartbeat because he’s definitely improved with age. He was an narcissistic twat back then but is now a perfect gentleman that treats me like a princess. Don’t even know looking back why I married him lol.

Paintspotsonthefloor · 10/01/2018 20:03

Given that I wasn't exactly fighting off suitors at the time, and we have remained very good friends, I guess yes.

Sadly though, he proposed to me in a very pragmatic way, stating that he didn't think he could give me all I wanted, and he has been proven absolutely right. The material things, and the children he has delivered on, but there is a lack of emotional connection that I miss very much.

But I come back to the point, I wasn't exactly popular with the men, and I know there are few men now who, when they meet me, aren't scared of me (Hmm) so, given I wanted marriage and kids and security more than anything else, I guess I would still marry dh, even knowing how things are now.

NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 10/01/2018 20:06

I'm not sure. If we didn't have children I would still definitely marry him but adding children to the mix hasn't helped at all. I'd have probably pushed for having children a few years earlier - having them later in life has been hard work on my body!

Eveforever · 10/01/2018 20:07

I haven't found anybody stupid enough to marry me yet.

cloudyweewee · 10/01/2018 20:09

Probably not.

ohtheholidays · 10/01/2018 20:09

Yes,but I would have married him sooner and had DC with him sooner,I've become seriously ill and then disabled since we met but the way he feels about me and treats me has never changed and we got married after I'd become disabled and my feelings and the way I treat him has never and will never change.

AllTheWayDown · 10/01/2018 20:10

I love dh crazy amounts. He's my best friend and I'd marry him again in a heart beat. However I wish we'd met a few years later than we did. I was only 18 when we met and he already had a daughter from another relationship which thinking back now I was so, so young to take that on. Don't get me wrong we have a great relationship and I love her. I just wish I'd had a few more years to 'be young' if that makes sense. However he helped me out of a 2 year abusive relationship so maybe if I hadn't have met him I'd still be in that. Who knows.
Im just incredibly grateful for what I have now and I wouldn't change a thing.
We also now have a beautiful DD Smile

TookyClothespin · 10/01/2018 20:16

Absolutely, 100% yes.

pangolina · 10/01/2018 20:18

Yes. After 15 years he just keeps getting better. He's my best mate in the world.

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 10/01/2018 20:22

No
Depression, attempted suicide have left him a shell of an old man.
Only just coping.

WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe · 10/01/2018 20:22

Yes, because he is the most caring man in the world, we laugh everyday and I am always excited to come home to him.

No, because I'd rather he hadn't been widowed and have the heartbreak of losing someone he loved before me.

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 10/01/2018 20:23

He was my best friend

expatinscotland · 10/01/2018 20:23

No, I'd have never married at all.

Thudercatsrule · 10/01/2018 20:26

No, because I've found my soulmate and it's not DH and there's nothing I can do about it now.

poisoningpidgeysinthepark · 10/01/2018 20:27

Did posters who replied a firm "no" lived with their DP before getting married? Do people suddenly change once they are married?

No, I didn't. This is part of the problem.

genever · 10/01/2018 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Avocadoicecream · 10/01/2018 20:36

No. Unfortunately. Wish I hadn’t. My now recent Ex came with an ex wife and step kids that turned into hostile resentful bitches making us pay for any happiness with guilt trips and manipulation. Tragic tale really.

However, reading this thread has given me so much hope, so many happy marriages! It’s warmed my turned cynical heart. Perhaps it’s worth trying again. Not sure I’d touch anyone with a first Family that play the guilt card ever again though...

Imtryingveryhard · 10/01/2018 20:38

I wish I had met my husband earlier so we could have had many more fun times together, perhaps had children earlier and had the choice of child number 3 that just isn't possible now. I can't imagine being without him, however annoying he can be at times.

NukaColaGirl · 10/01/2018 20:38

Yes I would. We’re divorced, he hasn’t our toddler DD since she was born but I love her so fucking much I would go through all that bollocks again to have her.

TowerRavenSeven · 10/01/2018 20:41

Yes but I'd have done things financially different. I inherited right before marriage (250k) and I would have gotten a prenup and put it all in my own name. I currently work part time and it would never support me. Dh and I went through a very rough patch that if just a thread or two of difference we would have divorced. That $250k would have been a relief had I had needed it.

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