Women/ girls taking full responsibility children

[thereisalightanditnevergoes]

Just lying here and suddenly feeling very cross so need to vent sorry guys. Wondering if anyone else feels the same.

I got pregnant at 17 with my first child. I finished my first year of college then missed a year to look after the baby until he went to nursery and I then completed my second year of College (sixth form) The father of my child, on the other hand who was the year above me so had finished his college education as our son was born, moved 100 miles away to his first choice uni.

He'd come back every other weekend to "help out" but eventually this got less and less as he met a new bird at uni and sacked me and DC off (until a few years later this all got resolved and he now has a good relationship with DC but that's not the point atm)

My point being how Fucking unfair. I can't believe I didn't make more of a fuss at the time. How dare he move that far away when I had to sacrifice so much and it was simply expected. Surely we should of both took a year out and both looked after the baby for the first year?? I know a few other girls who have had similar situations and I just think it's disgraceful most boys/ men take no responsibility and they aren't expected to. sorry. Rant over. I don't think I'm actually being unreasonable but would like other people's opinions on this.

I'm a bit at the right to a family life of the human rights bill. I'm not sure if that has reinforced some people's positivity about having babies too young.

There are also people who in no way should be anywhere near babies\children (abusers and murderers) I wonder if the SW's leave the poor dcs with those people because of the above law.

I also had to add I was 21 and it was hard in my third year of uni but atleast I had some experience of life prior to being pregnant. At 16/17 your just finding your feet and in the process of transiting from adolescence to early adulthood. I saw a young girl fresh out of school pregnant aged 16. All loved up of course and blissfully unaware the likelyhood of it all falling apart when the baby comes. When reality hits it’s totally different. My ex managed to the baby’s first birthday. I was totally naive to think we would always be a family, we were never a proper family. My family is with my husband and my 3dc.

Unless posters want to argue for legal changes, then they will have to accept that life is unfair.

And if posters want legal changes, what would they be?

Donny, I'm not hand feeding you. If you don't get it, just move on.

“oh shit, I’m making a dick out of myself- i’ll Save face by making her look like the idiot”

You’re so kind.

To spell it out for you (again) if you think it is a choice for a girl to have a baby at 17 then you have to agree it is a choice for a boy to run off at 17. You can’t (or you shouldn’t!) hold girls to a higher standard than boys. Running off isn’t an implication of pregnancy just the same as having the baby isn’t an implication.

It's not a legal change that's needed Zara, it's a massive cultural change. Why is bearing children, something that is literally the most vital thing to the survival of the human race, such a negative thing? Why is it seen as something the destroys lives, shows a lack of aspiration? Why do single parents, well let's face it, single mothers, end up in poverty when they're doing the absolutely vital job of raising the next generation?

Mothers who bring up their child(ren) alone should be given far more respect and support by society. Not sure who is arguing against that on here.

There are a substantial amount of people in this country who see their girls having babies at 16/17 as normal. They see having no job no aspiration and no qualifications as normal., They see their young men as abdicating all parental responsibilities as normal and a life of petty crime drug dealing and no job as normal. I know as I used to work with people like this. It’s a vicious circle and I don’t see it improving.

These people do not access either contraception or abortions. They don’t see having a career, house or even a bloody holiday as within their grasp.

And I’m not Zara :)

Donny, surely you can see the difference between ending a pregnancy and running out on actual living child? How many women would leave an actual child? It's not a matter of holding boys/men to a higher standard, it's holding them to the same standard.

When it comes to the same standards, it should be equally acceptable for a woman to leave a child as it is for a man, if we're trying to be fair. I mean both the woman and the man should be able to walk away. Leave the baby to die. That's totally fair isn't it?

I agree LeCroissant That's the question.

Course it is. Lets be dramatic about it. No giving them up for adoption or anything sensible like that.

Any single parent bringing up children alone deserves support and help.

However society and parents and crucially schools should be activity encouraging girls and boys to look beyond having babies at a very young age.

It’s hard because it’s a balance of not judging but not encouraging behaviour that limits girls potential.

It's not a matter of holding boys/men to a higher standard, it's holding them to the same standard.

I didn’t say you should hold men to a higher standard. I said you shouldn’t hold girls to a higher standard than boys.

We're talking about holding everyone to the same standard Barbarian. If the man doesn't arrange the adoption, why should the woman? Why shouldn't she just go off to uni and forget she has a baby?

The OP was a complaint that her child’s father moved away to Uni after the birth, that she was left to hold the baby.

An understandable rant, but what ‘solution’ is there?

It’s utterly unnaceptable for anyone to abandon a living child.

But to go ahead with a pregnancy is purely the woman’s choice. It has to by wider family to see it’s wrong.

Unfortunately there are many young girls who see abortion as wrong or are influenced by

I agree with a PP that this is normal for some people, some young girls see their life as set if they have a baby because they have been brought up not to have aspirations about a career and an education etc.

There are also lots of young men who have been brought up like this who haven't had fathers, uncles or grandfathers that have been good role models and end up following in their footsteps.

It's all sad but it's a problem in society that isn't tackled properly.

It’s utterly unnaceptable for anyone to abandon a living child.

But to go ahead with a pregnancy is purely the woman’s choice. It has to by wider family to see it’s wrong.

Unfortunately there are many young girls who see abortion as wrong or are influenced by

Sorry not sure what went wrong with my post there.

Or instead of blaming him, you could say' Why did I choose to conceive whilst at a critical point in my education?And why did I trust someone to help me who was not fully committed?'
Women have choices.

'It's utterly unacceptable to abandon a living child'

Not really Heart, there's plenty of people here arguing that it's fine, as long as the parent made it clear right from conception that they were going to do it.

You’re right Cecilia, but some like to blame others for their own choices.

Yes those silly women not taking responsibility for everything, I mean we can't expect men to do anything responsible can we?