Women/ girls taking full responsibility children

[thereisalightanditnevergoes]

Just lying here and suddenly feeling very cross so need to vent sorry guys. Wondering if anyone else feels the same.

I got pregnant at 17 with my first child. I finished my first year of college then missed a year to look after the baby until he went to nursery and I then completed my second year of College (sixth form) The father of my child, on the other hand who was the year above me so had finished his college education as our son was born, moved 100 miles away to his first choice uni.

He'd come back every other weekend to "help out" but eventually this got less and less as he met a new bird at uni and sacked me and DC off (until a few years later this all got resolved and he now has a good relationship with DC but that's not the point atm)

My point being how Fucking unfair. I can't believe I didn't make more of a fuss at the time. How dare he move that far away when I had to sacrifice so much and it was simply expected. Surely we should of both took a year out and both looked after the baby for the first year?? I know a few other girls who have had similar situations and I just think it's disgraceful most boys/ men take no responsibility and they aren't expected to. sorry. Rant over. I don't think I'm actually being unreasonable but would like other people's opinions on this.

I agree with you, and men who do that should be more frowned apon

Doubly unfair I suppose thst he was able to come back and have a good relationship with his child

However generally men who do yhis do lose out on the relationship with their child which at least you will always have

Much of the trouble we all face is due to the outdated concept that men have jobs/careers and women work for pocket money/until the babies come along

Don't know where you come from but that really is an outdated concept. in that nobody actually thinks like that anymore, not in my universe anyway.

I think the crux of the issue is that women do have the final say in whether they have a child or not.

Precautions are the responsibility of both parents but the choice as to if a pregnancy should be continued is 100% down to the woman.

I have no argument that a man should be able to force a pregnancy to continue if that's what he wants but if he makes it clear that he doesn't want / isn't ready to be a father then why does the woman get the final say and then also feel they can berate a father for going to uni or moving on with his life (creating a parallel life)?

With power comes responsibility for decisions and women have complete control over whether to terminate or continue a pregnancy.

I have no argument that a man should be able to force a pregnancy to continue if that's what he wants but if he makes it clear that he doesn't want / isn't ready to be a father then why does the woman get the final say and then also feel they can berate a father for going to uni or moving on with his life (creating a parallel life)?

If a man is making it clear that he doesn’t want to be a father after pregnancy has been occurred he is making it clear a bit too late. His choice existed prior to conception. Otherwise what you’re basically saying is men can have consequence free sex.

Both parties make the choice to have (unprotected) sex and risk pregnancy.
Only the woman can choose to have an abortion.
The man can choose to walk away and let other people raise his child, the woman can choose adoption, walk away and let other people raise her child.

Up to that point the mother has more choices than the man, is it really that unfair?

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree

I was unclear. I meant very early in a 'pregnancy'.

Does this mean that you're as on the fence as I am in a scenario where sex occurs, it was unprotected or broken condom or whatever and the man immediately makes it very clear that he doesn't want children?

M: Shit! The condom's split. I don't want to be a father.

F: Shit!

M: Shall we go and get the MAP? I'll pay 50% of the cost.

F: No, you're going to be a father. How much do you earn?

In this case, the woman is in charge of the destiny of 3 people. She has full responsibility for her actions (or lack of them).

I've hovered on this thread since the first post trying to work out how I feel and I do think there should be some get out of fatherhood card if the man makes his feelings clear within the MAP window. I say this as the mother of 2 boys (far too young to have sex) and someone who has taken the MAP twice. All since the birth of my youngest.

I wanted to reply to "Otherwise what you’re basically saying is men can have consequence free sex."

Women can have consequence free sex, if they so decide. We make the final call.

Having the final say does not = consequence free sex. having to make the decision to continue or terminate a pregnancy is a consequence.

Very early in a pregnancy, just after a condom splits is too late to decide you don’t want to be a father. You make the decision before you have the put Your penis in a woman. If you decide to take the risk and have sex then you accept that what happens after that is out of your hands and
should your partner decide to continue a pregnancy it is your responsibility to raise the child that comes from it. You don’t get to have sex and then announce you want nothing to do with the consequences of it.

How would you expect an idiotic 17yr. old boy to behave who was seduced by a 31 yr old woman specifically so she could get pregnant and 'keep'' him? There was no proper relationship.

This happened Donny The poor child is still being used as a bargaining tool by the mother.

I have only boys.

If they were in this situation, I'd be encouraging them to go to Uni as planned tbh, not to give up or take a year out, so that they were better able to support their child in the long term.

Hopeful Indeed, but surely you'd encourage them to go to uni as planned and come back often to have a relationship with their offspring/financially put towards that child too?

It's not uni or be a dad. Both can be done

What I'm saying is that there are irresponsible, highly manipulative women too. She already had a daughter and her father has had to take the mother to court to get access to her. The boy hasn't got the money to do it. He's a musician and didn't go to uni.

He has kept in contact with his daughter but is being blocked by the mother now..

How would you expect an idiotic 17yr. old boy to behave who was seduced by a 31 yr old woman specifically so she could get pregnant and 'keep'' him? There was no proper relationship.

The same as I would expect a 17 year old who got a 17 year old pregnant to behave. Unless his parents failed to educate him in how his penis works he knew the risks. The mother blocking contact is an entirely different scenario than the father just walking away.

He hasn't walked away. She is forcing him to.

Yes, I read your post. Like I said, the mother blocking contact is an entirely different scenario than the father just walking away. I’m not sure how you misunderstood that.