Women/ girls taking full responsibility children

[thereisalightanditnevergoes]

Just lying here and suddenly feeling very cross so need to vent sorry guys. Wondering if anyone else feels the same.

I got pregnant at 17 with my first child. I finished my first year of college then missed a year to look after the baby until he went to nursery and I then completed my second year of College (sixth form) The father of my child, on the other hand who was the year above me so had finished his college education as our son was born, moved 100 miles away to his first choice uni.

He'd come back every other weekend to "help out" but eventually this got less and less as he met a new bird at uni and sacked me and DC off (until a few years later this all got resolved and he now has a good relationship with DC but that's not the point atm)

My point being how Fucking unfair. I can't believe I didn't make more of a fuss at the time. How dare he move that far away when I had to sacrifice so much and it was simply expected. Surely we should of both took a year out and both looked after the baby for the first year?? I know a few other girls who have had similar situations and I just think it's disgraceful most boys/ men take no responsibility and they aren't expected to. sorry. Rant over. I don't think I'm actually being unreasonable but would like other people's opinions on this.

People know the implications of unplanned pregnancy. When I was young my Mum drummed into my head I'd be in huge trouble if this happened to me and as likely as not the boy/man would run off.

The (pathetic) boy (not a man, a man wouldn’t run off) running off is not an implication of pregnancy. Having a baby is an implication of pregnancy. Running off is a choice.

men are not viewed poorly for abandoning babies

That just isn't true IME I have never heard men escape censure for leaving.

I think you only have to watch some of these educating Manchester/Essex programmes to realise that there are many many families out there that breed early and copiously. Sorry for the wording but it’s true. Then the dds get pregnant while still at school.

Thing is these days there is no need. Abortion is freely available but it’s chsnging the mindset and challenging the expectations of these families for their girls futures.

Well they are viewed poorly by me and many others of course, but in general they are not censured for it anything like women are if they do the same.

Having a baby is an implication of pregnancy. Running off is a choice

They are both choices. Pregnancy does not mean you have to have a baby.

@MuseumOfCurry

I'm coming from an entirely being entirely pro choice. Both a man and a women have the choice to have sex and to have unprotected sex, rightly so the woman then had the choice to take the morning after pill, abort the baby, put the baby up for adoption or keeping it, which the man has and should have little say in.
I think just as a woman is given multiple options to decide they are not ready or don't want to be a mother, they man should be able to make the same choice once the child is born. A woman can terminate the pregnancy even if the man wants the baby, if the woman decides to keep the child them that is her decision, a male shouldn't have to commit 50/50 to a child he didn't want.

Secondly, we need to raise our girls to have greater self-esteem so they don't hook up with these shitty multiple sperm donors in the first place. I honestly believe that nothing will change the standard of male behavior as much as women turning round and telling lazy and feckless blokes to get to fuck.

I don’t have daughters. So I can’t raise any girls to up their self esteem and their standards. I do have two future men/fathers though, and I am raising them to know that parenting, if they choose it, is their job, regardless of what the other parent does. That they should expect nothing other than being a full time (as in, living with) parent to any child they create. That should be the starting point. Anyone who creates a child (and by create I mean choosing to have sex, that’s when you choose to be a parent) should do it with the full expectation of living with that child and raising them until adulthood.

I get annoyed on Mn threads where people post that the DP/H is moving in with OW.
When it should read 'the DP/H is moving in with the OW and will have DCs for half the week.

It seems normal for women to accept that once the man has left they will be left with most of the childcare. I expect it is because it is seen as best for the DCs that they stay with the DM they know, but I can't help but think that many rosy new romances would get a shake up if they had to look after the DCs 3 1/2 days a week, a bit of reality might make them think twice.

We already have raised girls’ expectations. The teenage pregnancy rate is at its lowest in decades, contraception use is very high (and more reliable methods) and about 50% of those who do become pregnant accidentally choose to terminate, presumably because they see the unfair, sexist, poverty-trap alternative for what it is.

More work still to be done, though, for sure.

I know of loads of mums who are doing this alone.

Who were in committed relationships until they become pregnant, and suddenly it's not the time, or the men just walk away.

Start up with someone else and the pregnant gets hate mail, messages form the new squeeze. Maybe a year or too down the line this is repeated and suddenly the man has let down 2 women...

If this man picks such bad mother's how come the only thing these women have in common is HIM...

Exactly pregnancy is an option to continue!

And long may that be our girls choice please god.

This a problem that has affected women for hundreds of thousands of years and it will never go away. There will always be irresponsible men.

It is why marriage was invented. As marriage continues to be weakened, the problem will get worse because there is less and less social pressure for men to act responsibility. Without being married there is little women can do to protect themselves.

The only solution is being selective about partners and using contraception carefully.

We need to raise our girls expectations. And keep the pro life lobby at bay.

Quite. And a woman who voted against the decriminalisation of abortion has just been appointed Conservative vice chair for women.

I remember discussing with my fellow housemates during my first term at uni what we would do if we became pregnant (first taste of freedom from home so we could have as much sex as we wanted in theory).

All 5 of us stated that we would choose a termination because we could all see, at 18 yrs old, that it would impede our ambitions of finishing our degrees and getting our careers started without any responsibilities as such. We also saw how hard it was for the one fellow, slightly older student who was juggling a toddler to study let alone go out for a social life.

On a happier note, I have met someone who got pregnant at 18 and her boyfriend went away for uni. They did have a solid relationship and it survived his time at uni plus she stayed at her parents and had family support. They moved in together once her partner graduated and now have a family of 4 and have just celebrated 18 yrs of marriage.

They are both choices. Pregnancy does not mean you have to have a baby.

You missed the point of my comment, which was that a father running off is not an implication of pregnancy as suggested by the poster who said it.

Madmary yes we all make choices but that was a pretty harsh choice you had to make and I don't think a fair comparison. Ops point was about the choices you have after you've decided to keep the child. Op, It wasn't/isn't fair if you look at it like that, however if you look at life as one long exciting journey you have had an amazing experience that your feckless ex has not. You were there for the beginning of your child's life and all the highs and lows that go with that. Feckless ex will never get that time back. That's your reward. That's your compensation. You are still young enough to carve out a career and you have a child already. Go forth and conquer! He's the one that's missed out.

I refuse to see this as all the fault of those bloody feckless men though.

I know countless bloody brilliant dads and I also know some shitty ones. Ditto mums.

But it’s abiut choice to continue with a pregnancy and ultimately that’s down to the woman.

We need to keep fighting for free fair open abortion on demand while educating our girls to expect more.

Secondly, we need to raise our girls to have greater self-esteem so they don't hook up with these shitty multiple sperm donors in the first place.

Have to agree with this. Too many females go for the "bad boy" for the excitement, thinking they'd somehow change into a responsible adult. Not enough females give enough thought to the "type" of male they hop into bed with, they don't think about reliability etc.

MadMary

Insane isn’t it.

The judgement about the number of abortions a woman has needs to stop too. People using phrases like “abortion isn’t contraception you know” no it isn’t, it’s termination of pregnancy. That’s it’s purpose and that’s what it is being used for. Every woman should have free access to as many abortions as she likes. Women shouldn’t be shamed into having a baby because they have had 3 abortions before.

Heartoffire. This is not about abortion. 2 people have sex but only one can fall pregnant. You're saying get rid of the baby or deal with it. That's pretty harsh

Especially when men aren’t being shamed for walking away from 3 actual real live children.

Hold

I think we have but as you say more work needed with girls from poorer less advantaged back grounds.

@DonnyAndVladSittingInATree

Of course, but why should men be shamed into being fathers if they have had unprotected sex only once before?

Did he actively want the child when he found out that you were pregnant? If so then he should have stuck around and helped a lot more.