Childcare equals work?

[CurlyHurlyWurly]

I've just had a row with DH, where he came home from his work, and I was tired from looking after DS all day. After having put DS to bed, I cooked dinner and started hanging up laundry, and asked DH to help folding his clothes that have been sitting there for a week. "I'll do it in a bit, I just want to sit because I've been to work all day," he said. "So have I!" I said. "Bo**ocks!" he shouted.

So AIBU in thinking me looking after DS all day is the same as DH going to work?

I also have my own business, and have to juggle working from home with childcare and household chores. I'm fuming, and feel the lack of respect is unreal.

It is work but its not as simple as that. Working in a coal mine is probably more exhausting than childcare but lawyers sitting on their arse all day is probably less demanding.

So its all work but some jobs are harder than others.

YANBU whatsoever. I think you need to go out on one of your DH's days off and leave him with ds all day and see if at the end of the day he thinks it's been a vacation! I bet he will be frazzled and pleased to be at work getting adult time and not being touched all day! I feel your pain op as have 10 month old and it's isn't easy by no means. My dh had tried it but I sharp reminded him how hard it is. Mind you I don't think he truly gets it. Being at home all day is hard and I'm looking forward to going back to work. Having worked full time without dc and now being at home with ds I can safely say I had it easy before!

I don’t bring a lawyer sitting on your arse is easy. Mental exhaustion is really hard to manage.

I need a bit of time to unwind when I come in from work- I don’t know why but I need it less when I work from home. When I was on maternity leave I just needed a break from the kids

Maybe it’s the commute and change of environment when you work outside the hone? You do need a mental break, to separate the day

Bollocks to him! I hope he enjoyed his child-free headspace today. It is work. It's a different type of work but it's work. There are 2 small people constantly interrupting every thought I have and it's mentally knackering.

Ps DH and I put our DC to bed then we go our own way for an hour. I'm on MN in the bath. We meet back up around 9ish for a tag team tidy up and then spend time together. We both work, we both tidy up, we both need a break.

He only asked for a sit down before he helped. I too like a rest for 15 minutes or so before I crack on with house work

I don't think it matters whether physically or mentally draining its all hard. As a nother pp said you just need a break from dc when had them all day. It gets too much.

Pressed send too soon.

However, being a parent is Work, especially if you run your own business too!
He is being a dick to not recognise that.

Pps he happens to be a lawyer who sits on his arse all day He's mentally knackered like I am.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun Me and dh are similar. Team work is the best and it enables everything to get done faster.

I do both and I know what's easier - being at home.

Congratulations you have a married a cheeky fucker and sexist twat.
Dump the laundry on his head and go out for a drink with friends.

I used to go to work for a rest when mine were little.

You are not unreasonable at all. Your husband, on the other hand, is being very unreasonable and is unfortunately giving you the insight into the part of his mind that thinks childrearing and keeping house are not real work.

Yes OP you've also been at work all day, but to fair everyone needs 30-60 mins to themselves just to unwind after they've been out all day. Whether you've been to work or school. We all know that feeling, nobody wants to be shouted at as soon as they step inside the house. My advice is to give him some time to unwind a bit, then ask him to help you with what you need. I hate that competitive tiredness lol

The answer is of course it is, but it is different to his sort of work - doesn't make it any less relevant - fucking male chauvinist pig. Tell him you want your days off this weekend like he gets normally.... he can do your none work and then bugger off somewhere else by yourself

I wouldn't want to spend Monday evening folding clothes either Monday night's are for slobbing out after work can't they wait?

If he really did just want a few minutes to decompress and would have done it later then I think YABU.

If his ‘in a bit’ means ‘never’ then YANBU.

Looking after a child can be as hard (or harder) than going to work (especially in your case as you’re juggling your business too) but in general I find it’s best to steer clear of ‘I’m busier and tireder than you’ type arguments.

I'm a lawyer but used to work in a nursery with toddlers. Working in the nursery was mentally easier but much more exhausting overall! You can't ever switch off or take a time out because you're always responsible for children. I think your DH is being totally unreasonable - he can't really believe you just sit around all day doing nothing!

Depends on the job to be fair as well. I run a restaurant so am on my feet for ten hours a day and over Christmas didn't have time to eat or go to the toilet. I come home exhausted. However my 1 year old is a hurricane and also exhausting to look after. Luckily my husband isn't a dick though..!

Sorry OP but I think your DH has a point. Unless you are about to tell us that your own job takes several hours a day or your little one has SN which makes looking after him really challenging, I think you have it alright! If it were me I would be getting all the laundry done during the day and preparing the evening meal during the day whilst your DS naps or plays (age?) , or making these chores fun with him. I'm sorry and I know plenty will disagree but i personally always found looking after 1 or 2 children and keeping the house in order to be a schoosh compared to a commute, an eight hour job and commute home again. ( Exception being times of teething and sickness).

It's hard to say really without knowing what hours you both work/ how demanding your respective jobs are, plus how old/ easy ds is, and whether he has had the comparable experience of your normal day.

I think either way he shouldn't be expecting you to do everything, but at the same time I'd probably snap if I was told to do housework as soon as I got in from work.

Here's the old, whatever you say you will offend someone. I'm a lawyer, and if I wasn't so tired I would take offence to that. Let's see. I was woken twice by police last night, 1am and 3 am. Luckily, I managed to deal over phone and didn't need to drive in to town (45 minutes).
I then was up at five, in office for six thirty, dealt with weekend messages. Headed to court and had around twenty cases, three new custodies. I got back around two, then dealt with phone messages before seeing six back to back separation clients.

I spent two hours dictating, have not even got to emails today, left office at seven and got in at eight.

I'm now eating toast and wondering when I had time to sit on my arse all day. But yeah, I'm sure some lawyers do.

iamyourequal how many baby's play alone and how many can be left to? You have to supervise! As for sleep we don't know green's baby naps well or anything. My baby used to catnap and I never got a minute to myself; it's not that easy for a lot of people. I probably thought the way you do before I had dc when I didn't know any better.

I'd also like to second the above - my daughter doesn't nap except for about half an hour in a car seat or pram. She's been that way since birth and is now 14 months. She also climbs things, opens cupboards, pulls things over, throws clothes everywhere etc. I would love to have a child like iamyourequal described though!