Childcare equals work?

[CurlyHurlyWurly]

I've just had a row with DH, where he came home from his work, and I was tired from looking after DS all day. After having put DS to bed, I cooked dinner and started hanging up laundry, and asked DH to help folding his clothes that have been sitting there for a week. "I'll do it in a bit, I just want to sit because I've been to work all day," he said. "So have I!" I said. "Bo**ocks!" he shouted.

So AIBU in thinking me looking after DS all day is the same as DH going to work?

I also have my own business, and have to juggle working from home with childcare and household chores. I'm fuming, and feel the lack of respect is unreal.

I've done both and I found the commute and full time job easier but that's only because I enjoyed being out and adult interaction. I find being in the house sucks my energy and as much as I adore ds it can be soul destroying being the in carer. I'm looking forward to going back to work.

main

Miss chatting in the staff room and checking emails

Give me a day in the office any day over a day at home with the kids!!!
In work you can piss without an audience, pretend to be working hard when you aren't, speak to others of like mind, read a magazine, have a coffee, eat lunch without having to give half of it away to a cheeky ungrateful crazy small person.
Yanbu!

Come on OP, what does he do?!

Yanbu but if he was tired and needed a rest then that's fair enough. It's not a competition. And laundry and cooking are things you cn do while simultaneously looking after a child.

Personally for me, the person who is staying at home is responsible for child care and running the day to day house chores.

DH works and handles chores like splitting firewood and the veg garden/mowing watering etc

Thank you for the replies everyone.

In my defence:

1. DH does not commute (his work is a 5min walk away)

1. I didn't nag him as soon as he came in, we had had dinner first

1. I work in a creative industry, so it's not hard per se, but whatever time DS sleeps (usually 30min catnaps), I spend doing my work and replying to emails.

1. I asked him to fold laundry THAT HAD BEEN SITTING THERE FOR A WEEK!!

The more I think about it, I've decided IANBU and just think he's totally out of order now!

Of course you can do things whilst looking after a child! What are bouncers, slings, walkers, jumparoos for?

As for PP exhausted by one 10 month old baby- what on earth is it doing?!

His laundry!!*

YABU to characterise what you've done today as childcare, if you were also doing housework AND your wfh stuff!

So it sounds like your day may well have been more difficult. Across society as a whole, too many variables to say. Some jobs are harder than some kids, some kids are harder than some jobs. I have always worked part time and generally found them both difficult in different ways and easy in different ways.

Also, don't use the word nag. It's horribly misogynistic.

I've done both and being at home is loads easier.

Why do you do his laundry? Who did it before he met you?

The great thing about this argument is that you can arrange a day out or even two at the weekend for just you. Naturally your husband won't mind looking after the baby all weekend because that's not work.

If childcare is such a doddle and doesn't count as work, then he won't mind doing it then, will he?

He may well not- maybe he loves having the weekend with his baby (as many men do) he made one comment, doesn’t make him a lazy baby hater

The great thing about this argument is that you can arrange a day out or even two at the weekend for just you. Naturally your husband won't mind looking after the baby all weekend because that's not work

Totally

Being a parent is a relationship, not childcare.

If my partner asked me to fold my laundry at a specific time I would probably tell them to fuck off. As an adult I am able to plan my own laundry schedule.

Cherrycokewinning I was referring to my experience as a whole and not specifically now. DS screamed the first 4 months of his life day and night due to silent reflux and some issues from a difficult birth and consequent sickness that could have caused him his life. Therefore it definitely wasn't a walk in the park and yes it was bloody well exhausting. I have no support/child care and haven't left his side since he was born. At the moment he is still not sleeping through due to teething and other various issues and although immsleep deprived its a lot easier than it was. I wish I had an angel dream baby like some of the pp's. I'm looking forward to going back to work. Staying at home may be a walk in the park for you but I'm envious of those at work right now and ready to go back and I'm envious of dh who gets a full night's sleep!

No, parenting your own child is not the same as work. You are free to do what you like when you like.

If DH had been home all day and then expected me to come home and start laundry he'd have another thing coming. Whoever is at home both parents and looks after the house here, not one or the other.

i am

Why did you leave clothes sitting there for a week?

That being said I don't ask dh to do laundry after work. I do that through the day usually with ds watching me (he is highly amused by it.)

Why do we only value work when it's paid?

If your DS was looked after by a childminder you would have to pay them because it's work.

If your house was cleaned by someone other than you they're unlikely to do it for free! That's because it's work.

'Women's work' is not valued unless it's outsourced to another woman. Even then it's low paid which reflects the value we put on it.