Childcare equals work?

[CurlyHurlyWurly]

I've just had a row with DH, where he came home from his work, and I was tired from looking after DS all day. After having put DS to bed, I cooked dinner and started hanging up laundry, and asked DH to help folding his clothes that have been sitting there for a week. "I'll do it in a bit, I just want to sit because I've been to work all day," he said. "So have I!" I said. "Bo**ocks!" he shouted.

So AIBU in thinking me looking after DS all day is the same as DH going to work?

I also have my own business, and have to juggle working from home with childcare and household chores. I'm fuming, and feel the lack of respect is unreal.

So what about weekends/ holidays?

And as in this case evenings? Some pp seem to think it's fair paid workers get to clock off for the duration while sahm/wahm are expected to work 24/7 365 days a year with the paid worker doing sod all!

That's my point Graphista. Who does the chores at weekends, and are they shared, as they should be? Who gets a lie in if the mother has been up several times a night all week feeding and settling a baby?

I am puzzled by the posters who think that looking after your children has no value and that it is essentially 'opting out of work'. Whilst I don't judge people who choose to work, please don't diminish the fact that a lot of people positively choose to stay at home and look after their own kids. This for most means not only meeting a child's basic needs but also their wider needs too including making sure they are sufficiently stimulated and socialised. I can only speak from experience, but I find doing this for my two kids extremely challenging and much more draining than my previous high flying career. I do it because I think it's important and something I'm prepared to devote my time and energy on doing to the best of my ability. Not so I can be a part time babysitter/part time cleaner or maid.

To have posters make out that looking after kids should be so effortless and easy that a parent should also be able to incorporate all household taks into their day makes me wonder what their idea of 'childcare' is or if they have kids so different to mine. I have a baby and toddler and there is no way I could meet their needs and do all the domestic work. If something has to give, I know which one my husband and I would choose.

I find looking after my kids (aged 2 and 3) much easier than going to work. But your dh should not have been rude to you.

"Why did you leave clothes sitting there for a week?"

FFS, there's always one, isn't there?

When I was a lawyer in court I didn't sit on my arse all day!

But I do now

When I was a lawyer in court I didn't sit on my arse all day!

But I do now

ANother ex-lawyer here. I miss sitting on my arse .

Yanbu op. I used to work 70+ hour weeks over 2 jobs before I had DS and had a social life. I've never been so knackered since becoming a sahm. My dh is the same. Seems to think that parenting, especially on working week days, is optional for him. 🙄

So he had a week to fold his washing and didn't do it? Does he do anything other than work? How many hours a week does he work and what sort of job does he Do? I used to work 80 hours a week in care work when I lived at home. She never asked me to help at home, (if i was on holiday or had a day off i would of course) just to pick my brother and sister up from school if I wasn't in work at that time. So if he works like 50 plus hours in a physical job then maybe you could have folded his washing. My partner worked 35 hours a week (until very recently due to health) as a chef and he would help with a lot of housework. I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and he does pretty much everything around the house now (he's now classed as unfit for work) but he does everything he physically can. Some men are just lazy, others would do anything to keep going. Same as women I guess x

I'm always very happy to go to work on a Monday morning - I think that says it all.

My husband and I both treat a day with the kids as equal to a day at work and that includes getting up in the night with the baby i.e. we take it in turns regardless as to who is working the next day. I find a 12 and a half hour shift at work, doing a physical job as challenging and exhausting as a day with the kids. Chores after work get shared. And how dare he shout 'bollocks' at you.

PasstheStarmix, if a working dad decided to walk the 5 miles each way to work, rather than take the car, because it's better health wise, and then complained he was too exhausted to do anything, people might suggest utting back the walking and taking the car sometimes.

Equally, if a mum is knackered because she's struggling through breastfeeding difficulties, and makes every piece of baby food from scratch, then maybe it's time to scale back that a bit too.

There aren't any medals for making life as difficult as it can be. I bottle feed, but make most food from scratch, not being too proud to use a pouch when needed to save time. Looking after one child at home is much easier to me than working (I'm part time, so experience both).

I'm this case, being at home means you should (IMO) do most of the chores, but not all. Both should chip in during evenings and weekends. I really don't think a day at hoke with a baby equates to a day of work, but I think his response was rude and disrespectful. I think you both need to have a chat about roles, how you divide them, and expectations.

Yet you don't seem to have factored in that OP was working as well as looking after the baby.

This thread has made me really mad.
If you were not there, he would be coming home from work, making his own dinner and doing his own laundry. You are at home to care for your baby, not wait on him - he is bloody lucky that all he has to do is put his own clothes away.

A sahm does not equal general skivvy for lazy arse husbands.

A poster on here a while ago suggested that everyone in the family should have equal downtime so the op and her husband should have equal time off from work, housework and childcare.

Paid work doesn't count for double everything else - there are still the same number of hours available to both parties and three strands to be managed. In short, op, I think your husband was being UR.

LittleLionMansMummy

Weekends are family time, when we go on holiday it’s also family time.

Blueskyrain I was highlighting that priorities are different to every parent and you cannot simply say do it an easier way as some may feel what they do is benefitting their child. Similarly to what user1471506568 it depends what got class as important. Oh and like you i'm not opposed to the odd pouch but my baby refuses the meal ones he hates the taste and I don't blame him having tried it myself !

said

what you class that should read

Dear @Julie8008 have you ever actually worked as a lawyer before?! I'm guessing not. How "hard" or otherwise a job is can be measured by more than just how physical it is. Try considering the amount of hours worked, the stress levels involved, how mentally challenging the work is, etc.

And I'm pleased you have had it very easy looking after your baby but it's not so clear cut for a lot of women. Many struggle with different aspects of motherhood due to many different and variable factors.

PS back to the original post, of course childcare is work, only an idiot would consider otherwise!

AHungryMum I know it's very odd it seems there medals to be gained for claiming you're some sort of super mum domestic goddess that works too and does it all and the rest of us are beneath them for admitting we've been exhausted at times due to x, y and z.