To be angry that my parents are letting dd3 down?

[lottieandmia22]

My dd is in the Young Voices concert in Birmingham this week. I can't go to watch her because I have to work. My parents agreed to go and see her. Tickets already paid for months ago... my daughter has no contact with her father so there is nobody else who could go instead.

About an hour ago my mum suddenly announced out of the blue that she and my dad are not going because she is worried they will catch flu. Apparently there is a flu epidemic now in the midlands(?) Both she and my dad have had the flu vaccination but she says it doesn't work and I should just not go to work so I can go instead.

I'm so upset for my dd. She will be really sad if there is nobody there to support her. I can't see a solution

It's a massive airy arena not like a stuffy warm theatre when you are cheek by jowl. I am sitting with all the parents from our school so sitting near people I see anyway. Not a doctor but personally see risk as small.

Yes, it is massive with high ceiling and plenty of air.

Posters sating it’s OP is letting her kid down. To you I say GET A GRIP

No you are misunderstanding"!
they are saying she is being a bit rich whining about others not going, when she is not going herself for no better reason.

My DC's school band got to the national final of a school's competition and hardly any of the parents travelled from the north of England to watch.Guess what the kids all survived!!

YANBU, but there is no much you can do about the situation.
I undestand why you are upset it's not like your parents stay at home and cut all outings and contacts they are still out and about, they just worry about this concert. The problem is that when you have anxiety (and it looks like your mum has it ) you can't think rationally. Also she does have a point because your dad has health issues.
I wouldn't press them to go but I wouldn't lie, better discuss with your DD gently that sometimes people needs to be more carefull about their health ( and remind her about washing hands and using tissues )
Maybe worse mentioning this to the DD's teacher so she will know that your DD was a little bit upset about going "without anyone".
By the way, do children actually allowed to see parents/grandparents at the concert while getting ready? If not, other children will be in the same situation as your daughter, even if their parents will be watching them.

I can totally understand why you're annoyed because it's been planned for months.

I'm also a LP who works FT and my child's father is absent.

However o can understand where your Mum is coming from. I didn't have to think much about flu and infection until a year ago. But when my mum started chemo we had to suddenly think about risks, what was worth risk and what wasn't, higher risk areas and lower risks etc. Also had to think about what my dad was exposing himself too.

I wouldn't have wanted my Mum or Dad to attend this sort of event because it is a high risk infection event.

We had to explain to ds but he understood.

I don't see why your DD2 couldn't go though - could she not go with a friend if there's 2 tickets and all 3 kids get pizza afterwards or something?

I don't see why your DD2 couldn't go though - could she not go with a friend if there's 2 tickets and all 3 kids get pizza afterwards or something?
I could be wrong but my friend's child went to Young voices last year and they returned back to school really later, after 11 pm.

I don't think it looks like they can't be bothered, more that it looks like a risk in their minds.
It's a new thing, though. They couldn't have predicted flu months before (well, they could, but I assume they're not epidemiologists).

Do you know if it will be broadcast anywhere, or streamed? Then you could all watch it or record it.

Is your daughter coming back from young voices with school or with the grandparents ? I go to this every year and it's a huge audience and pretty unlikely your daughter will know if they are there or not- she won't be able to pick them out in the crowd it's a massive thing but obviously if they're picking her up she will know if they're not there ...

Oh what a shame. Poor dd. I think they are being over cautious here but kind of understand why especially because of your dads poor health.

No I would have to pick her up later from school anyway because school have decided we can't pick up from the venue.

Firecracker rtft! Op ' s job (you know, to put a roof over her childrens heads ) is not 'no good reason '

Her parents are still going out and about to crowded shopping centres etc so they are either using health as an excuse or have no real grasp of the actual risk. It would be different if they had started hiding in the house to avoid flu but they haven't. It's only the concert they feel they need to avoid.

crunchermuncher - lottieandmia's mother only phoned her today to say she was too worried about the flu to go. This coincides with a lot of publicity in the last two or three days about the NHS being in crisis, a flu epidemic being in the making, this year's flu jab not being particularly effective (particularly in the elderly), and requests for people not to do anything that might put the NHS under more stress this month in particular. I seriously doubt that the OP really does know her parents have been visiting airport lounges and shopping centres today, and given her admission her mother has always been over anxious about health and that her father has genuine serious health issues, I seriously doubt they are currently trotting around a shopping centre enjoying an afternoon out.

@fpurplea that link you posted says the flu jab DOES protect against the Aussie flu.

I am probably your parents age. I have had the vaccination and am also just recovering from the flu. All my family have been ill and the younger unvaccinated ones moreso. Believe me this one is no joke! I would encourage those with underlying health problems to avoid such gatherings.

In a supermarket you move around. In a concert you are captive in one seat for a couple of hours or more. Quite different. As for saying op should cut them off how absolutely cruel and uncalled for!

Op you mum is trying to protect your dad. She will feel bad about letting dd3 down and probably agonised over it. They haven't refused to go because they are going to bingo or some other alternative entertainment.

This is a very real threat. A 29 year old friend has been readmitted to hospital with pneumonia as a complication of this flu. Am not trying to scare anyone but this has to be taken very seriously. Speak to dd3. She would not want her nanny and granddad to be poorly.

Jesus Christ there are some right nasty pieces out tonight. Calm yourself down FireCracker2.

Ok, I've had a look at the link. I actually didn't know about this. I do understand why your parents don't feel able to go to the concert in view of the risk to her father's health. At 8 years old, your DD3 is old enough to understand that, I would honestly just tell her the truth. That's what I would do if it was my DD1.

Its pants of them but she won't have a clue, I'd pretend they were there x

No I would have to pick her up later from school anyway because school have decided we can't pick up from the venue.

They are doing that so that parents don't feel pressurised to go because the tickets are really expensive. Unless you live in a well-off area (in which case the school probably wouldn't go to the expense of taking them home) I expect that many children won't have parents there.

You have to pick up from school, not the venue, because of the sheer numbers there - it would be impossible to manage matching all the children to the parents.

So they organise it that the schools take the children there and back, if you want to go and watch you have to make your own way there.

That's how it was last year when my son went anyway.

Very few parents went, as it was a long way to the venue and you'd have had to take time off work to get there in time.

Have a look at the Young Voices Youtube channel to see what I mean about the number of children - they are in a stadium, filling all the seats, and the "audience" sit in the middle. It's not like a traditional performance with children on stage. That's why I said she'd find it hard to spot her grandparents anyway and they'd be lucky to see her!

Also, I have a feeling we had the option to buy a DVD after the event. Maybe ask your school if you can do this?

That would mean you could all have a special showing of it one evening, with grandparents, and might help daughter feel less disappointed that they couldn't make it on the night?

A quick Google found this website:
www.mixpixie.com/Young_Voices_DVDs

We picked up from the venue but can imagine a lot didn't as there are 100s of kids and it wasn't a long wait so most must have travelled with schools

I was sort of taking your parents side till you said they’re still going to shopping malls and the airport. These are both places they’re as likely to be exposed to the flu virus as the venue of your DDs performance. So it doesn’t make much sense to me that they are staying away from this but not from other busy places.

I’m wondering if it’s not just health that your DM is anxious about? Could she be worried that a large arena is a terrorism risk perhaps?

If your parents are really worried about flu (and I can totally understand that if DF has serious health concerns that neither of them want to risk it) then I’m surprised they’re still going to really busy places at all if they can avoid it.

There’s nothing you can really do though except try to explain to DD about the flu epidemic and why it’s important for her grandad not to risk going. I hope she’s ok with it. Disappointing for an 8 year old but not much choice by the sounds of it.

You have to pick up from school, not the venue, because of the sheer numbers there - it would be impossible to manage matching all the children to the parents.

No, the parents have to pick them up from the venue unless the school organise a bus home. DD's school didn't take them home when she did it so we had to pick her up. It's up to the school and whether they want to pay for the coach.

So they organise it that the schools take the children there and back, if you want to go and watch you have to make your own way there.

I don't think that the people promoting Young Voices organise this. They wouldn't particularly want schools to take children home as this would probably decrease the number of parents going and their profits. They make money by selling parents tickets.

Dungeon yes they do - they strongly recommend you let school take them and pick them up.

See their website if you don't believe me.
www.youngvoices.co.uk/for-parents

It says you can collect your child "if you must". My children's school didn't give that option as they wanted to get away quickly, so they all went back to school on the coach even if their parents had been there.