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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my parents are letting dd3 down?

194 replies

lottieandmia22 · 08/01/2018 14:41

My dd is in the Young Voices concert in Birmingham this week. I can't go to watch her because I have to work. My parents agreed to go and see her. Tickets already paid for months ago... my daughter has no contact with her father so there is nobody else who could go instead.

About an hour ago my mum suddenly announced out of the blue that she and my dad are not going because she is worried they will catch flu. Apparently there is a flu epidemic now in the midlands(?) Both she and my dad have had the flu vaccination but she says it doesn't work and I should just not go to work so I can go instead.

I'm so upset for my dd. She will be really sad if there is nobody there to support her. I can't see a solution Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 08/01/2018 16:15

It is only 20 minutes drive so not far. My mum is a very good driver (better than me)

However, it seems there is nothing much I can do. She's utterly convinced she will catch flu. Of course I can see that if she did she would possibly give it to my dad so I understand the concern about that.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 08/01/2018 16:15

Dd2 is your 8 year old, dd1 is your 14 year old.
Your parents are being selfish and paranoid.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 08/01/2018 16:15

They are still going to airports and shopping centres now.

OP posts:
Home1958 · 08/01/2018 16:16

Hi Lottie. Its sad that your parents can't go to see your daughter today and I know when I was working when my very grown up children now were in anything when they were younger. I sometimes found it difficult even with a husband to get to everything they did.

Perhaps a parent of another child will out? make a fuss of her for you and explain that grand parents send well done wishes the same as mummy but werent able to come. . Just a thought. xx

roundaboutthetown · 08/01/2018 16:16

Your mother has been like this your entire life. She has acted in character. She can't help having health anxiety and she doesn't normally let your dd down. I am not getting the need for you to be angry. Disappointed, yes, and sad for your dd, but anger is entirely unjustified.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 08/01/2018 16:16

MyDc no my dd1 is 16 I have three dds.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 08/01/2018 16:17

I just noticed that , sorry.Blush

crunchermuncher · 08/01/2018 16:17

All those slating the op for 'letting her daughter down ' would you say the same to a working dad missing a concert? Thought not Hmm

Yes you get annual leave and parental leave. And those together are not enough to cover school holidays let alone other events and kids being ill. Why so goady?

ATeardropExplodes · 08/01/2018 16:18

It was vile, and I've now ordered from Ocado instead!

Yes because nobody goes round Waitrose coughing and prodding veg - heaven forfend!

Dungeondragon15 · 08/01/2018 16:19

It's also in a huge arena so even if one or two people in the audience have struggled in with flu they won't be in close proximity. It's not like being on a plane with the air constantly recirculating which apparently is something they risk..

Home1958 · 08/01/2018 16:25

Hi Lottie. Its sad that your parents can't go to see your daughter today and I know when you're working it;s a struggle but if nyou would normally be there you can explain what has happened. I am sure your daughter whatever age she is will understand. I know myself that when I was working when my very own now grown up children were in anything when they were younger at school or otherwise I did my utmost to be there to see what it was for them but sometimes found it difficult even with a husband to get to everything they did.
Perhaps a parent of another child will help out? praise her etc!! and you can explain that her grand parents send their love but just couldnt make it today. Just a thought. Sometimes its better to be honest and try and resolve something like this rather than getting worked up about it. x

TheDogHasEatenIt · 08/01/2018 16:25

If you need to work 'cos otherwise you'd lose a days pay, would your parents be willing to 'pay' you for that day to allow you to take her in their place?

Mrsdraper1 · 08/01/2018 16:26

Young Voices is huge, DD won't know.

MadMags · 08/01/2018 16:27

I don't think she should ask her parents to pay for her to go to her own dd's concert!

Can they drop your other two dds off maybe? I think it's really sad that an 8 year old will be standing there knowing nobody is there for her.

MadMags · 08/01/2018 16:28

Oh, I assumed OP would be telling dd her grandparents weren't going because she said she didn't want to lie to her!

roundaboutthetown · 08/01/2018 16:28

Can you ask another parent to record the bit your dd is on for you?

Aragog · 08/01/2018 16:28

Ateardrop- the poster is referring to Ocado not Waitrose. Ocado is picked my machine in a warehouse and delivered by van. Waitrose is picked in store by pickers before being delivered by van

Mrscog · 08/01/2018 16:28

I’m in the midlands - the last map I saw said Aussie fly wasn’t really a big deal here. They’re being ridiculous, especially if they’re otherwise still going out!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2018 16:28

I just read your update and want to change my POV. If you parents are still intending to go to busy places, your mother is being ridiculous. But totally in character as pointed out by roundabout.

ATeardrop
Ocado is from a warehouse, not picked from shelves.

Megs4x3 · 08/01/2018 16:29

Honestly - I dont think anyone is being unreasonable here. Grandparents fear is great and OP's disappointment is great. It's an opportunity for DD to learn about disappointment too. She's not going to get through life without meeting it on occasion so making it's aquaintance now will be no bad thing. I'll bet she doesn't give it anoth

Lizzie48 · 08/01/2018 16:29

I am shocked at how goady some posters have been to the OP. Yes of course she has annual leave, but she needs that for school holidays, kids being off sick, doctor's appointments. I'm a SAHM so I don't have this problem, but my DH has to make wise choices about how he uses his leave.

The grandparents said they would go, so the OP would have used her annual leave for other things. They have a very close relationship with the children because the dad isn't around.

Megs4x3 · 08/01/2018 16:30

Oops - sorry. I'll bet she doesn't give it anoth

Dollius01 · 08/01/2018 16:30

Could your DD aged 16 go?

Megs4x3 · 08/01/2018 16:32

Fat fingers!! Arrgh! In a few days time and has a great time with her friends regardless. PS I wouldn't lie either.

CardinalCat · 08/01/2018 16:33

Whether or not there is an actual epidemic in the midlands, and/ or your parents are at risk, is kind of irrelevant.The thing is- if they have so much as glimpsed at a red top tabloid over the last few days, they'll have had the fear of god put in them. It's all over the news, and the tabloids are really going to town, with maps of the country colour coded according to severity, and terrifying headlines about DEATH.

I can completely understand why an elderly couple, one of whom has a potentially fatal heart condition, could experience extreme health anxiety as a result of the news in the last few days. I very much doubt that they've been plotting this for weeks, just to annoy you. It's recent news, and if you're willing to believe the papers, it's terrifying. I don't believe the papers, but I do know that our local hospital's ICU has three cases of it.

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