To be angry that my parents are letting dd3 down?

[lottieandmia22]

My dd is in the Young Voices concert in Birmingham this week. I can't go to watch her because I have to work. My parents agreed to go and see her. Tickets already paid for months ago... my daughter has no contact with her father so there is nobody else who could go instead.

About an hour ago my mum suddenly announced out of the blue that she and my dad are not going because she is worried they will catch flu. Apparently there is a flu epidemic now in the midlands(?) Both she and my dad have had the flu vaccination but she says it doesn't work and I should just not go to work so I can go instead.

I'm so upset for my dd. She will be really sad if there is nobody there to support her. I can't see a solution

I don't buy the whole thing of they are covering for me. If they were unhappy about it why didn't they think of this before? This was months ago - that's the annoying thing. I think it's not on to cry off 48 hours before. When I make a commitment I do stick to it. They still go on aeroplanes and to busy department stores.

lottieandmia - I am not being goady, I think exactly what I said.

This is very selfish of your parents after agreeing to go they should go unless unforeseen circumstance appeared. Your DD3 won't forget that she was let down by them. If you speak to your boss perhaps you could get some time off for the concert? other than that I'm sorry I can't suggest anything. I know I'd be very upset if i was in your shoes and I'd let it be known!

Well you do sound goady - suggesting my daughter would rather have me there. She is very close to my parents.

They have cried off 48 hours before because they are panicked about it. Or do you think they have done it to annoy you?!

I don’t want to sound unkind. However, if you were able to take the time off, I don’t understand why you didn’t in the first place. You could try asking your employer even though it’s less than 48 hrs.

I would always far rather my parents attended my events, not my grandparents. It is hardly goady to think that's fairly normal. Grandparents would be nice, but not as nice as parents.

Is there actually an epidemic in the midlands?

No I don't think they have done it to annoy me. I think the truth is they can't be bothered to go.

Roundabouttown - you don't know what you're talking about. As I said, dd doesn't have any input from her Dad and my parents usually make a show of wanting to compensate for this.

DS is doing the Young Voices in Manchester, I’m immunosuppressed and nothing would stop me from going.

YPABU.

roundaboutthetown: wow your rude!

I am chronically ill. It takes a lot of planning simply for me to go out for the day. And I’m not talking about a day trip shopping, I’m far too ill for that. I think you’re not understanding how much this could affect them. Perhaps they won’t be going to busy airports and shopping centres until the threat has passed.

Is this a one-off, OP, or do they have form? My parents used to pull this shit all the time - always with important things. They offered to host a small party for us when we got married, waited until we had ordered the invitations and then said, actually it was too much trouble after all.

When we moved to another country temporarily, they agreed to have our dog (same type of dog as their own), then a couple of weeks before we were due to leave, said actually it would be too upsetting for their dog.

This is partly why I am NC with them these days (among a host of other much worse issues)

The reason I can't take time off is because I am on a training course next week and it would mean I don't get paid for that day and the days I am training and we need the money.

So you now assume your parents are being lazy. Clearly you don't have a great relationship with them yourself - or you aren't thinking straight through your incandescent rage.

They don't have form for letting dd down to be fair.

BUT what frustrates me is that my mum does worry unreasonably about getting ill. When i was a toddler if she heard someone coughing she used to pick me up and run down the street.

Roundabouttown I'm not engaging with your aggressive posts any further. Have a nice evening 😊

BarbarianMum, I mean you could go out and get knocked down by a bus outside your house! they won't defiantly get flu just by sitting for a while in a theatre! Like others said they have not barricaded them selves in the house they could catch it anywhere, very melodramatic

I think they're mean.
If they were avoiding all high density places it would be fair enough but if they're still out and about in airports and department stores then their reasoning doesn't hold.
Is it a long way? Are they nervous about driving distances in the dark?

I'm in the midlands and haven't even heard of this supposed epidemic.

But not much you can do about it, unfortunately. You can't force them to go. I'd be disappointed in them though.

Your parents are being ridiculous. I have a compromised immune system and even I wouldn't avoid as I think that anyone with flu probably won't be there anyway. I'm more wary on planes and trains.
If it is any consolation, your DD won't notice though. It is a huge event and nobody can see who is in the audience. A lot of children won't have parents in the audience anyway as the tickets are so expensive.

OP, for what it's worth, I think your parents ABU.

I'm in the Midlands, 24 weeks pregnant and have got Aussie flu. It is horrendous and has really knocked me out - I can honestly say I've never had anything like this before in my life. BUT unless your parents plan not to leave the house until the end of March, it's ridiculous not to go to the concert. If your Mum is working, she's far more likely to pick it up there than a one-off theatre visit. Even knowing how sick I've been, I wouldn't/couldn't have locked myself away from the outside world.

Oh, and it's not true that you will definitely pass it on either. Me and MIL have had it but my OH, DD and FIL all fine. Am assuming it's because I'm pregnant and she was already ill (so compromised immune systems).

But this time perhaps it isn’t crying wolf. I get why you’re really upset and it’s very sad. Would your parents be able to lend you some money so that you can go and you pay them back in instalments so you’re not short this month?

Has the op said if they have been in airports or shopping centres recently?