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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry that my parents are letting dd3 down?

194 replies

lottieandmia22 · 08/01/2018 14:41

My dd is in the Young Voices concert in Birmingham this week. I can't go to watch her because I have to work. My parents agreed to go and see her. Tickets already paid for months ago... my daughter has no contact with her father so there is nobody else who could go instead.

About an hour ago my mum suddenly announced out of the blue that she and my dad are not going because she is worried they will catch flu. Apparently there is a flu epidemic now in the midlands(?) Both she and my dad have had the flu vaccination but she says it doesn't work and I should just not go to work so I can go instead.

I'm so upset for my dd. She will be really sad if there is nobody there to support her. I can't see a solution Sad

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 08/01/2018 15:21

It was tongue in cheek

RavingRoo · 08/01/2018 15:21

If your dad has serious health issues than you are being very unreasonable. As his carer your mum cannot catch flu without giving it to him and if there’s an outbreak she is being sensible to avoid.

If it’s this important then get time off or failing that call in sick.

user1485778793 · 08/01/2018 15:23

Dd probably won't care if anyone is watching. It is crap they have done it at such short notice, but if flu could cause serious problems for your dad then they are right not to go. But they should be completely honest with dd.

I did a few concerts like this as a teenager and I would have been embarrassed if family were there fussing round me

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/01/2018 15:24

Could your eldest take the middle daughter? Your youngest might think that's fun.

I had the flu at the end of the year, I'm in the Midlands. I'm never ill! It really knocked me about.

bibliomania · 08/01/2018 15:26

In all honesty, I don't think it makes that much difference. I went to see dd at Young Voices last year and there's no way she would have known if I was there or not. It's vast. I have a ticket this year but I'm not 100% I'll go due to transport issues. You can always order the DVD and watch it together afterwards.

Weezol · 08/01/2018 15:28

YANBU. If your mum is still going in to work 20hrs a week she has absolutey no reason not to go to this and take the 14 year old with her.

I am sporadically immunocomopromised owing to certain medications and am very aware of risk. Going to work is just as 'risky' as going to a public event.

Bluelady · 08/01/2018 15:34

Depends where she works.

JaneEyre70 · 08/01/2018 15:34

I'm going to be truthful and say I'm with your parents on this. There is no way on earth I'd expose myself to a public event at the moment as my immune system isn't great due to diabetes. We just went supermarket shopping and didn't get everything we needed as there was a man in there with the worst cough I've ever heard who was coughing into his hands then touching all the fresh produce. It was vile, and I've now ordered from Ocado instead! If your dad has pre-existing health conditions, they aren't being unreasonable sadly. And in a large venue your DD won't really be aware of their presence or absence.

FireCracker2 · 08/01/2018 15:36

She's your daughter. Your parents are not the main people letting her down
^This^
...and you are very selfish to put your daughter's imagined wants, before you parents' health.

chocatoo · 08/01/2018 15:36

Maybe your Mum is worried about your Dad. Is it a long way to travel? As you get older, sometimes a 'trek' to an unfamiliar location can be daunting. Don't be too hard on them, maybe they're knackered!

shockthemonkey · 08/01/2018 15:38

YPABU

Notreallyarsed · 08/01/2018 15:39

She's your daughter. Your parents are not the main people letting her down

Right because job security is so guaranteed nowadays eh? OP, don’t listen to this sanctimonious shite, you’re blatantly NOT letting your daughter down, because you’re working to provide for her and that’s why you can’t go AND had organised someone else to go in your place. So no, I don’t think you’ve let her down at all.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 08/01/2018 15:42

YANBU but, if your parents will not change their minds & you really think it will upset your daughter, this is one of those occasions when you could almost certainly get away with lying. There are genuinely thousands of children at Young Voices and parents are seated separately and, last year, audience members had to travel separately with children participating transported by coach and kept discretely from audience due to safeguarding issues. It seemed a bit ott to me until I got there & realised how huge the event was.
Sorry you are having to fathom this out though.

GabsAlot · 08/01/2018 15:43

you mum is bu if she stil works 20 hours

restbiterepeat · 08/01/2018 15:46

I live in a 'hot spot'. I'm minimising exposure to any busy sites, lots of internet shopping, avoiding public transport, lots of handwashing, DH &I run our own business, so I can work from home. Now the kids are back at school it's a bit like pissing in the wind, but we'll see.

I'm asthmatic, I've never had the flu without ending up in hospital. Given all the worry about the nhs on black alert it seems sensible to go into light hibernation.

FireCracker2 · 08/01/2018 15:52

*Right because job security is so guaranteed nowadays eh?

I am not sure what 'job security' has to do with anything. She has known about the concert for a long long time and presumably gets annnual leave.

FireCracker2 · 08/01/2018 15:52

...and is entitled to parental leave

Mintychoc1 · 08/01/2018 15:54

I'm a GP (and have been for 20+ years) and as usual the media have massively exaggerated the flu thing. I haven't seen a single case. Your parents are being ridiculous. The only genuine reason to stay at home is if you are immunosuppressed (eg on cancer treatment or have leukaemia).

HadronCollider · 08/01/2018 15:54

I think you are being unreasonable. I can understand its irritating, but you asked them to cover your absence. They do not have to do it. They are doing you a favour by choosing to do it. It's their choice.

And people on this thread are being quite blaise about the Flu and the danger to older people. 2 of my elderly neighbours were in hospital over xmas with flu. DH has it mildly but has been wiped out a bit and he's usually the hale and hearty one.

Flu vaccines can be variable in terms of their effectiveness. My GP explained that they cannot rule out you catching flu, but mitigate the effect of the flu should you catch it. Its not 100%

You sound a bit entitled and I think you are possibly projecting your own frustration at not being able to go. Which is understandable.

roundaboutthetown · 08/01/2018 15:57

Ffs, OP. If your parents are scared of your ddad getting ill with the flu, which includes your dmum getting it and bringing it back to him, then they are scared of him getting flu. Why are you so angry with them? She's your child. She would rather you were there, I'm quite certain. Be annoyed with your employer for not letting you have any time off.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 08/01/2018 15:57

Ok, good point about my mum possibly passing it to him. I hadn't thought of that. I just wish they could have thought of this before tbh - I could have come up with another plan.

Obviously I don't want my parents to get ill but it seems like a slim chance. I feel a bit better knowing it's so big you can't really see.

OP posts:
womblinglove · 08/01/2018 15:58

Dear lord are parents meant to go????

No chance here.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 08/01/2018 15:58

Roundabouttown stop being goady 🙄

OP posts:
FireCracker2 · 08/01/2018 15:59

I'm a GP (and have been for 20+ years) and as usual the media have massively exaggerated the flu thing. I haven't seen a single case.
Really? Hmm
everyone round here is ill.I wouldn't go out to places with a lot of people ,if I didn't have to.

roundaboutthetown · 08/01/2018 15:59

Ps they think the current vaccine is only 20-30% effective against the "Aussie flu" strain and that it is particularly ineffective in the elderly.

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