To be angry that my parents are letting dd3 down?

[lottieandmia22]

My dd is in the Young Voices concert in Birmingham this week. I can't go to watch her because I have to work. My parents agreed to go and see her. Tickets already paid for months ago... my daughter has no contact with her father so there is nobody else who could go instead.

About an hour ago my mum suddenly announced out of the blue that she and my dad are not going because she is worried they will catch flu. Apparently there is a flu epidemic now in the midlands(?) Both she and my dad have had the flu vaccination but she says it doesn't work and I should just not go to work so I can go instead.

I'm so upset for my dd. She will be really sad if there is nobody there to support her. I can't see a solution

I'll bet your mother is paranoid because it's an event with lots of children in and she's particularly paranoid about children being the main transmitters of the virus to everyone else! She may be over anxious, but she can't help that.

Also agree with Megs4x3 nobody is really in the wrong here. the OP has done her best to ensure that her dd has a family member in the audience and is naturally upset. The grandparents' fear is real.

DD will get over her disappointment, and the world will keep turning! Maybe promise her a treat/ trip for icecream/ lunch at the weekend to celebrate her achievement?

I haven’t RTFT. I started getting angry.

1. there’s no such thing as ‘Aussie Flu’. It’s called H3N2 and the 2017/2018 does cover it however, flu mutates and of course you can still catch it when you’ve had the vaccine, same as all the other strains doesn’t mean you shouldnt get the vaccine If you don’t understand this, look up how the flu vaccine works. The information is widely available.

2. Posters sating it’s OP is letting her kid down. To you I say GET A GRIP. It’s 2018, parents have to work, their children also know and understand this. OP didn’t make a commitment the grandparents did and then they shat all over it. My DD has 2 working parents, she knows there are going to be times when we can’t make things, she understands why we have to work. You’re honest and upfront and make compromises and generally DCs don’t get disappointed but in this case they’ve been let down badly.

3. OP you will feel guilt, you can’t win. Your parents have been gits in my opinion and I’d be furious too. Yes they have pre existing health issues, that’s why they got the vaccine but like others (and you) have said, they could catch it from anywhere. It’s simply not a good enough excuse. The fact they want to lie is even worse. Your poor DD, doesn’t sound like they give a shit at all really

Not really sure where I’d go from here. I’d probably not rely on them again and at the very least let my displeasure known. I guess have a chat with DD and explain, she’ll probably be ok with it.

Your parents are, IMO, being ott. Your mum at the very least. Especially if she is still working and they are still out and about with the general public in shopping centres, supermarkets, etc.

I'm immunosuppressed and it's more risky for me to get a virus such as flu. I've had the flu jab but known it had no guarantee, especially for my risk group. However, I work in a school. I'm surrounded by children all day every day. Young children too where their hygiene standards are often variable. However, I still go to work every day. I still go out and about, still travelI still go to supermarkets and shops. I still mix with the general public and go about my daily life. It'd be impossible not to.

I've only had flu once in my life - I assume it was flu based on my symptoms anyway. I don't actually know for sure as I wasn't tested by the gp or hospital.

Last time they thought I had flu i was taken into hospital and I was tested. It wasn't flu. I'm still down on nhs stats as having swine flu though as that was recorded before the (non) confirmation came through. I suspect there's many people down on stats as having xxx type of flu whereas it's actually unusual to test. So the numbers are still quite minimal and even more so when it comes to actual confirmed cases.

My oldest dd is severely autistic and lives in a residential school so sadly she wouldn't be able to go.

BUT what frustrates me is that my mum does worry unreasonably about getting ill. When i was a toddler if she heard someone coughing she used to pick me up and run down the street.

Then it sounds like what she is doing whilst disappointing but not unusual for her if she has extreme health anxiety.
If your parents don't get out much then they will probably have been exposed to lots of media about the flu which is probably making her health anxiety difficult to manage.

Is there anyone who could go with DD? A friend? A cousin? Someone?!

You'll get post after post about how awful your mum is, and that's fine, but personally I'd be trying to find a solution and berating your mum isn't one!

Yes see latest epidemic map here

Midlands badly hit, so personally think you'er being a bit harsh

www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/red-zone-map-reveals-rapid-spread-of-illness-across-london-and-uk-amid-rising-cases-of-australian-a3734056.html

YANBU.
If your DM is anxious about going to a concert I assume she is not going to go in a public place for the next 3 months? I.e. Supermarket, library, public transport.
If that's the case then your DM is overly anxious, but at least consistent.

If she IS going to public places, you can remind her that she is just as likely to catch flu there as she is at this concert.
Next time she wants to do something fun in a public place with you, tell her that she can't possibly risk it. Will be interesting to see how she reacts.

Incredible how blasé so many of you are being about flu. Lots of people who have been jabbed are getting it and are/have been extremely ill. I know, I'm one of them. Disappointing for the child yes, but getting flu is no job me at any age and could be catastrophic for someone who is older with health issues. Priorities, people- health trumps everything.

Agree bluelady...flu if you have health issues can kill. Its can kill without health issues. Most people who say they have had flu havent real flu is totally different. This years doesnt look good. It makes sense to reduce your risk. Yes you can get it from tesco, coffee shop etc this competition is bringing a huge amount of people from different areas closely together. Your parents are understandly managing risk. I know my pil are as if my fil catches it theres a high chance my mil will too...knowing how bad she is with just a cold i throw off in a day its not worth the risk. I hope your dd does well at the competition. Can a friend go with her and their parent x

The efficacy of this year's flu vaccine is 40-60%. I find this somewhat disappointing. This means out of 100 people who are vaccinated 40-60 may get the flu despite being vaccinated. Not sure if we'll bother next year. And I am very pro vaccination.

As last year, the whole family became desperately ill with heavy colds suffering from chest infection and high fever starting 2 weeks post the kids getting vaccinated. I am very about the live vaccine kids get in school.

Sorry not helpful to you OP. It's a shame your parents won't go but if your mother suffers from health anxiety, she will not be able to go, you would;t want her to get dupe dressed would you. You dd will have to manage on her own with her friends. How old is your dd3?

It's too late for me to find a replacement unfortunately. And since I'm autistic I don't have that many friends.

Thank you for your responses - it has helped me to get the situation in perspective. Of course I do realise that flu can make even the most well person horribly ill. I have had swine flu myself. I guess I (rightly or wrongly) tend to live my life assuming the worst won't happen so can't see it so well from their POV.

Rose - she's 8. None of her friends are actually doing it but she's good at singing and loves it. I thought it would be a great opportunity for her.

YANBU. What the hell is this 'health anxiety'? Is this the new word for hypochondria?

I am in the midlands and I am aware of a handful of people with both mild and servere flu symptoms but I am not going to worry that we are all going to fall ill with a fatal dose of flu. I knew a lot of people who got Swine flu a few years ago, I didn't, but one way and another we all survived. Yes this epidemic looks serious but it silly to assume we are all going to be seriously ill. As PP said; you can catch it in TESCO's.

mintychoc1 >

I think the message has got through to most people that there's no point going to the GP when you have 'flu because there's no treatment. Or am I wrong?

OP I always had to go to events like this alone due to my parents' work. I understood that and I'm sure your daughter will too.

I guess I (rightly or wrongly) tend to live my life assuming the worst won't happen

That is SO refreshing OP.
I shall try and be a little more like you in this regard. I always assume the worst might (not will) happen and that is a very stressful way to live life.

Any chance at all for you to pop out and attend the event?

'Incredible how blasé so many of you are being about flu.'

Because unless you completely isolate yourself from human contact, there's a chance you'll get it.

My mum is definitely a hypochondriac but I guess she can't help it. I just got the feeling she doesn't really want to go because she says something about being too tired. When I was at uni in Cardiff I remember there were cases of meningitis and I remember her leaping out of her chair and screaming because of a news report which said you were more likely to contract meningitis in Wales.

Sorry to drip feed. Tbh I had forgotten she could be like this.

Of course there's a risk, doesn't mean it's not sensible to minimise it.

I've only had flu 3 times (I'm 54), one of them being this December. It's taken me the best part of a month to get over it. Honestly, I can understand your mum saying it's not something they want to risk unless they have to.

unless you completely isolate yourself from human contact, there's a chance you'll get it.

the more people you come into contact with, the more chance you'll get it.In the Op's case her father has health issues and I think her parents are wise to not go.
OP I am sure you can explain to your 8 year old why her gps can't go.AS a parent it is not your job to protect your child from every little disappointment ib life!

It's a massive airy arena not like a stuffy warm theatre when you are cheek by jowl. I am sitting with all the parents from our school so sitting near people I see anyway. Not a doctor but personally see risk as small.

Most of the children there will have had the live vaccine which will obviously mean that they are less likely to have flu. I also think that the vast majority of those with flu (children and audience) will not attend.The risk isn't zero but I bet that it is a lot higher on planes/trains/buses and in workplaces.