About baby names and dh

[FuckOffDailyMailFools]

Dc2 is due in a week’s time. Dh and I have very different taste in names. He likes very classic names. I like what he thinks are unusual names, but what I think are actually pretty standard, just not AS classic as his choices.

For example, his favourites are:

James
Jack
Matthew
Lewis
Christopher

My favourites are:

Gabriel
Barnaby
Rupert
Wilfred
Felix
Milo

I’m sure everyone has their opinions on our respective lists, but these are our favourites.

So, I have been suggesting ‘compromise names’. Not my favourites, but more classic names which I can live with. For example:

• Christopher with Kit as a shortening - dh says he refuses to use the shortening Kit
• Miles with nn Milo
• Thomas
• Edward with nn Ted - dh said no way to Ted. I said fine, just Edward then with Ed / Eddie / whatever. He said no
• Marcus

He has rejected all of these suggestions.

With dc1, we were supposed to each choose a name, (I chose boy, he chose girl). Then, depending on what we had, (didn’t know sex till birth), we would use that name. But actually, now I think back, the name I “chose” wasn’t a favourite. It was a compromise name which I sort of liked but which dh also liked as he disliked all my favourites. His girl name was his absolute favourite girl name. I didn’t hate it, (he wouldn’t have used it if that was the case), but it was my least favourite of the names we were considering. We had a girl in the end, so used Dh’s favourite.

He then was really uncompromising about the middle name, (family name), which I didn’t like on its own. I wanted another name in between, as the vowel sound at the end of dd’s name and the start of the middle name run into each other. He said no.

I remember getting really upset about it when dd was about 10 months and asked dh if we could change her name to a longer version, (which I preferred), on the bc, but still call her the same, shorter name in day to day life. He said no and got upset himself that I wanted to change it.

Wibu to deliberately be as uncompromising as he is now? Am I being a childish dick if I do that?

I’m having a shit time this pregnancy, (not dh’s fault) and think that’s making me irrational about this. I’m doing that “I’m doing all the work here, so why don’t I get my favourite name” thing, (in my head only), which I realise is pretty childish. And actually he’s been amazingly supportive recently. Think I’m just very fed up.

Yuk

You might find it helpful to try to weed out names using the population census of most popular names for the last five years. We did this because we didn't want the kids to go through life with lots of other people with the same name. My mum was one of five girls in her class with the same name and it was apparently pretty annoying.

HIBU. Compromise isn't one-sided. In fact, call the child Compromise.

Definitely your turn to choose a name in my opinion. None of your choices sounds too ‘way out there’ in my opinion.

And it should definitely me your choice if your children have your husbands surname. (Which may of course also be your surname, but you know what I mean!)

When we had 1st child we agreed I would choose a dd and he would choose a ds. I chose a name he also liked but not his favourite. For 2nd child he wanted to choose name for girl so I said OK I would choose for a boy. We had another boy so again I chose but he also liked it. I chose with 3rd child because again he said he wanted to choose if a girl so I said I would choose for a boy and this time I chose my favourite that he was not too keen on but likes now. So I really got to choose all three names. However if 2nd and 3rd dc had been girls he would have chose those 2 and I hated his favourite girls name.

We had a similar problem. DH likes very boring inoffensive names. Also all his choices were names that close friends children had. He has a very common name (3 others in his last workplace) I have an unusual name and loved being the only one, he thought the dc would be picked on for unusual name...
My choices were...
Kit! Put off because Coleen and Wayne Rooney called one of theirs it.
Ennis
Inigo
Monty
Xander
Idris
Louis
We stopped even talking about it at about 7mths pregnant and just waited til he arrived. Randomly we’ve ended up with a name that is not on either of our lists. Seems to suit ds perfectly although not that unusual! Did get Louis and my maiden name as well though!

Not RTT so apologies if anyone has suggested this already but why don't you come up with some unusual names he is bound to veto - and be adamant that you want them - then you names might be seen as a suitable compromise.

A few ideas might include Eadwig, Aethelbad, Xenophon, Agamemnon Hotepsekhemwy, Sneferka

Just make sure he's not going to fall in love with one of them.....

Judging by this thread, it seems like a good idea for people to choose potential baby names before getting married. It’s a great test of the willingness to compromise and of respect for the partner’s choices. Pig-headedness in this matter doesn’t bode well for other aspects of the relationship.

Agamemnon! Yes, that’s got to be the one!

I agree dh was fucking stubborn and pig-headed about dd’s name, definitely. But then, I think I was so anxious about the impending birth, first baby etc, that I was too passive.

I’m assuming you meant Dh was the stubborn one and not me btw!

We did discuss baby names before we got married, but in a cutesy, daydreaming way. It isn’t the same as naming an actual baby.

Anyway, I am adding to my list all the names I like. There are loads actually, so hopefully ds will look like one of them when he arrives.

By the way, OP, if there are names on your DH’s list that you really dislike, just say to him ‘James? Great name, reminds me of that James I really fancied at school - --he turned out to be great in bed!’ -
That should take care of James.

Of course I meant his pig- headedness, OP.

Nathan or Nathaniel? Could be shortened to Nat, Nate, Nathe.

Sounds like you do all the compromising where names are concerned!

So did he not like “Edward” at all or just not shortened to Ed/Eddie/Ted? If he doesn’t mind Edward why not just suggest that because you can always call him what you like in future years - its a free country - if he wants to call him Edward all the time so be it but you (and friends etc) can call him Ed, Eddie, Ted or whatever and surely when he gets old enough he can decide if he wants to shorten it.

My wee boy is called Daniel (we chose because husband comes from another country where name is pretty much the same) and while he is young it seems appropriate to call him Daniel but in time I’m guessing we will shorten it to Danny or Dan and he can pick a shortened version (or not) when he gets older.

Hahaha that’s very tempting... I do know plenty of James, (never actually dated any of them though).

Maybe just the odd wistful sigh when I talk about the name James? “Oh yes I’m warming to the name James. Just like James Jones. You know? From university? [wistful sigh and faraway look]”.

Ok perhaps not...

Nathaniel is on the long list! Dh said too many syllables, but I’m keeping it on there.

@SJN

He did like Edward for all of about 5 minutes when I initially said we didn’t have to shorten to Ted, but he then decided he knew too many of them.

Alex ? Alexander?

Harry?

Sebastian?

Alfred?

Or if you prefer unusual ...

Rohan

Isaac

Guy

Vince

Gus

You could suggest Albert, Albie for short?
Frederick and Freddie as nn
Freddie's supposedly abit common but I know one and he's absolutely gorgeous!
Good luck x

I feel you pain. My DH refused to entertain anything in the top 100 names. We have a Miles and a Laurence. Miles has now entered the top 100 in the US. Really hope the UK doesn’t follow as my DH is going to be very upset.

You are doing all the hard work. Tell him to f**k off and you will be choosing.

Kester is also a diminutive of Christopher and a bit more unusual than all the Kits that are likely to be around. Name of the hero in Precious Bane.

Why not discuss what you have in common about names, but not specific names? We discussed what we wanted the names to represent (classic, popular, strong) this led to a new set if names. AND what we thought was popular is old fashioned and baby book was wrong!

Remember: your child will need to like it and if you make it something like Edward, it will give ds several options for his own take on his name. Our ds wanted to change his old fashioned name and we gave our blessing, he decided that he liked it eventually.

I refused a junior, but used dh name for middle and dd has my family middle name.

You are not wrong. Raising children requires much compromise. Go back to beginning and decide how/Why names appeal to each of you. It is important that you can reach a happy decision.

I have a long name beginning with one initial and am known by its diminutive which begins with a different one. My brother is the same (he’s a Christopher on birth certificate but has been Kester from birth). It caused no end of problems with bank accounts (birthday cheques sent to eg K Draconis but bank account name in C Draconis as that was on birth certificate). Couldn’t pay cheques in, couldn’t really send them back and ask for them to be rewritten either.

Issues with signatures too - name is KHDraconis, signature is CHDraconis. Gets questioned all the bloody time (thankfully less so since chip and pin came in).

Whatever names you give your DC, please let their “common” name start with the same initial as their birth certificate name!

As for name suggestions - I love Jacob. Also Joshua, Zachary, Alexander, Tobias.

Although I do prefer your DHs names out of the lists above (I would be more inclined to go for classic names). At the risk of sounding childish, he got his way last time, now it is your turn. DH will get used to it eventually.

Why don't you turn it around and make him do the work? Unless he comes up with something you like more than your current favourite, baby will be especially that he picked the previous one.