About baby names and dh

[FuckOffDailyMailFools]

Dc2 is due in a week’s time. Dh and I have very different taste in names. He likes very classic names. I like what he thinks are unusual names, but what I think are actually pretty standard, just not AS classic as his choices.

For example, his favourites are:

James
Jack
Matthew
Lewis
Christopher

My favourites are:

Gabriel
Barnaby
Rupert
Wilfred
Felix
Milo

I’m sure everyone has their opinions on our respective lists, but these are our favourites.

So, I have been suggesting ‘compromise names’. Not my favourites, but more classic names which I can live with. For example:

• Christopher with Kit as a shortening - dh says he refuses to use the shortening Kit
• Miles with nn Milo
• Thomas
• Edward with nn Ted - dh said no way to Ted. I said fine, just Edward then with Ed / Eddie / whatever. He said no
• Marcus

He has rejected all of these suggestions.

With dc1, we were supposed to each choose a name, (I chose boy, he chose girl). Then, depending on what we had, (didn’t know sex till birth), we would use that name. But actually, now I think back, the name I “chose” wasn’t a favourite. It was a compromise name which I sort of liked but which dh also liked as he disliked all my favourites. His girl name was his absolute favourite girl name. I didn’t hate it, (he wouldn’t have used it if that was the case), but it was my least favourite of the names we were considering. We had a girl in the end, so used Dh’s favourite.

He then was really uncompromising about the middle name, (family name), which I didn’t like on its own. I wanted another name in between, as the vowel sound at the end of dd’s name and the start of the middle name run into each other. He said no.

I remember getting really upset about it when dd was about 10 months and asked dh if we could change her name to a longer version, (which I preferred), on the bc, but still call her the same, shorter name in day to day life. He said no and got upset himself that I wanted to change it.

Wibu to deliberately be as uncompromising as he is now? Am I being a childish dick if I do that?

I’m having a shit time this pregnancy, (not dh’s fault) and think that’s making me irrational about this. I’m doing that “I’m doing all the work here, so why don’t I get my favourite name” thing, (in my head only), which I realise is pretty childish. And actually he’s been amazingly supportive recently. Think I’m just very fed up.

Harry? Joseph? Charlie? Donovan? Lucas? Alfie?
Anything but Wilfred

I really like Wilfred. It’s my grandad’s name. Wilf is a great name.

In your situation, OP, I would not compromise an inch and choose one of his names. I’d make this clear. And I’d keep writing lists of names I liked until he agrees to one of them. Don’t force him down your current route. But don’t let him bully you into his either. There are loads of names out there. You’ll find one.

If your husband picked the first child's name, which you weren't keen on, you pick the second child and have what you like.

I picked our first child's name, my husband liked it too though, we could never decide on a boys name, thankfully she was a girl (only found out at the birth).

Second child again we had a surprise, no names chosen, it was a boy. Boys names are hard. Anything I suggested my husband disliked, my husband didn't even make suggestions!!! We ended up with a name niether of us loved but it suited him. We had 2 middle names too my husband's name and my grandad. Made it easier having family names as middle names.

Do you know what? You're the one who's pregnant. You're the one who will have to give birth. He already got to name your DD andwas apparently a bit of a dick about it. You pick the bloody name. He can suck it up. And if you do decide to go for one of the "compromise" clsssic names with a groovy nickname, never mind him saying he "won't use it" - you'll use it, everyone else will take their cue from you and use it, he'll feel damn silly calling baby Christopher (for e.g.) when the world and his wife calls him Kit.

Too many men out there think they can just say no to things MD it's the woman's job to dither around finding an accommodation. Too many women (,self included) doing so. Don't know why they think they're entitled to so much power, or why we indulge this delusion!

Haven't read everything but wait until you are in labour shrieking in agony and give your suggestion then and he would have some cheek to go against you. My dh would have let me call ours anything at that stage.
Can't see how he doesn't like Thomas as it belongs more on his list..lovely name.

I like Thomas too, but after Matthew and Nick it's the name of men i've slept with the most

@mrskoala, that made me laugh!

Thanks all for the comments.

I’m not bringing it up again with dh till the baby’s here. I’ll just keep adding to my list till then.

Alexander?
Benjamin?
Oscar?
David?
Nathaniel?

I think your dh is unreasonable but the bottom line is that you need to compromise!

When I was pregnant with ds1 my dh vetoed a name I loved. He said he just didn't like it. 2 years later I was pregnant again and I mentioned that name, he considered it, liked it and we named ds2 it! Well actually it was his second choice but I wasn't so keen on his first choice.

DH chose our Eldest sons name (Theodore - shortened to teddy as a baby and now Theo or Ted!) I wasn't sure at first and then totally fell in love with the name!

Second DS I wanted Oliver - was adamant but DH didn't like it as he had a school friend by the name so we had Oscar for a while then last minute he changed his mind (I think because I had gone on and on!! ) so now we have Oliver (Ollie normally) so I would defiantly pick a name and go on and on...

Personally I would tell him firmly that since he won't do nn, the names on his list are hereby vetoed and he needs to come up with another 10 which you will happily consider.

Honestly, he just thinks he can dig his heels in and get his way through presenting no other choice. Not on .

How about Maximilian?

What was the boys name first time around, that you now can't use due to accent? If we know that it may give us an idea of the kind of boys name you could both live with.

@short

It was Jacob, which I still really like. It’s a popular / standard classic to me, but one which I actually like.

Jacob isn't so far from Jack and is a form of James I believe...just saying...:o

Joseph or Jonah/Joe is nice too.

Dislike Jack and James (though they are inoffensive). I like Joseph, but can’t really use it. Love Jonah! Have it on my new longer list.

Cameron
Benjamin
Henry
Calum
Finlay
Will ( William)
Matthias
Innes?

Jonah is fabulous!

We had a rule that no one was allowed to veto a name without adding a new (reasonable and serious) suggestion to the list.

Ethan?

Not sure if anyone has suggested Jake? Its close to jack and James and short for Jacob which you like.

I wouldn't 'compromise' again.

Because you wouldn't be compromising. You'd be going with his choice. Again. Because he doesn't compromise, give anything up, only you do. That's not compromising. That's him getting what he wants, end of.

And that's crap.

Jacob and Joseph always seem to be of similar ilk in my mind...

Jonah is really lovely.
Also bear in mind that most people will take their cue from what you call the baby. If he’s Christopher but you send out thank you letters with ‘thank you for the lovely outfit, Kit looks great in it’ etc and introduce him as Kit at baby groups/to the neighbours etc then Kit he will be, whether DH agrees or not 😉

But if I were you tbh I would absolutely not compromise (read give in entirely to DH) this time. I’d pick my favourite choice and tell him he’s had his turn to choose now it’s your turn.
If he likes he can produce lists of names he likes too in case any of them tempt you but it’s up to him to find one you agree to, otherwise you’re sticking to your first choice.

Sebastian?