About baby names and dh

[FuckOffDailyMailFools]

Dc2 is due in a week’s time. Dh and I have very different taste in names. He likes very classic names. I like what he thinks are unusual names, but what I think are actually pretty standard, just not AS classic as his choices.

For example, his favourites are:

James
Jack
Matthew
Lewis
Christopher

My favourites are:

Gabriel
Barnaby
Rupert
Wilfred
Felix
Milo

I’m sure everyone has their opinions on our respective lists, but these are our favourites.

So, I have been suggesting ‘compromise names’. Not my favourites, but more classic names which I can live with. For example:

• Christopher with Kit as a shortening - dh says he refuses to use the shortening Kit
• Miles with nn Milo
• Thomas
• Edward with nn Ted - dh said no way to Ted. I said fine, just Edward then with Ed / Eddie / whatever. He said no
• Marcus

He has rejected all of these suggestions.

With dc1, we were supposed to each choose a name, (I chose boy, he chose girl). Then, depending on what we had, (didn’t know sex till birth), we would use that name. But actually, now I think back, the name I “chose” wasn’t a favourite. It was a compromise name which I sort of liked but which dh also liked as he disliked all my favourites. His girl name was his absolute favourite girl name. I didn’t hate it, (he wouldn’t have used it if that was the case), but it was my least favourite of the names we were considering. We had a girl in the end, so used Dh’s favourite.

He then was really uncompromising about the middle name, (family name), which I didn’t like on its own. I wanted another name in between, as the vowel sound at the end of dd’s name and the start of the middle name run into each other. He said no.

I remember getting really upset about it when dd was about 10 months and asked dh if we could change her name to a longer version, (which I preferred), on the bc, but still call her the same, shorter name in day to day life. He said no and got upset himself that I wanted to change it.

Wibu to deliberately be as uncompromising as he is now? Am I being a childish dick if I do that?

I’m having a shit time this pregnancy, (not dh’s fault) and think that’s making me irrational about this. I’m doing that “I’m doing all the work here, so why don’t I get my favourite name” thing, (in my head only), which I realise is pretty childish. And actually he’s been amazingly supportive recently. Think I’m just very fed up.

Instead of a list, why don’t you try telling him the mumsnet consensus is that it’s your turn? His reaction may be telling.

Um no uterus, no pushing, no opinion?

I always wanted 2 boys called Felix & Oscar.

I didn't get either, but I did choose & like my kids names.

Zach(ary)?

I'll offer you (from two local schools) Edric, Raphael, Morgan, Fabian and a rash of Hugos and Arlos.

He might be happy to settle for Felix after that.

I hate all the "you give birth so it's up to you to name the child" stuff. To be fair most people on this thread are basing on the fact that you compromised last time and he didn't.

I'd hate for my partner to name a child a name that I didn't like and I think that cuts both ways. Most people (not all) are interested in what they want their child's name to be and what they want that name to convey. That might be based on past negative or positive experiences or just on what you feel your ambitions for your child are. Some people are more risk averse than others.

Maybe it would help OP to try to decide what feeling you want the name to have rather than whether it's a traditional name or not?

Something strong but not overly stand out I think is your DHs thoughts and your are more quirky but still traditional?

I would think things like Max, Rory, Elliot, Findlay might fit in there? I know a Jonathon known as Jono , similar to James and JAck , you could have also haveFrederick rather than Wilfred.

If it takes two people to make a baby, it's inherently unreasonable that the fact that one of them physically can't carry and give birth excludes him from having any say in the naming. Particularly if he's going to have joint responsibility for bringing up that baby, maintaining and educating them, etc etc.

If he chose last time then you get to pick this time.

Dh (rightly) says when I moan about shit pregnancy that he doesn’t have the option to do it. So I can’t play the “I’m giving birth so I get to name him” card!

But he did name dd. Both names and surname also. This time, when he suggested his dad’s name as a middle name I said “he’ll already have your dad’s name” and he did accept that actually. Probably will avoid family names entirely this time for fairness.

What about Nicholas? Good classic name like James, Christopher, William etc but can be shorted to Nicky/ Nick to sound a bit more contemporary

That’s a weirdly unsympathetic response in my personal opinion.
Do your children have his surname?

Honoring your side of the family with a family name wouldn’t be unfair in that case (imo).

Also I much prefer your names to the one your DH has chosen as think I know far too many people with those names over what you've chosen but just can't agree with Wilifred - there's a v high chance it will get shortened to Willy and he'll get teased for it. This happened to someone I know called Willow, so much so her parents reverted to using her middle name after reception instead.

I have to be honest - I much prefer your husband's list of names but then I'm not one for unusual names and I would call your list unusual - but this isn't my baby!

Since you both like/can live with Christopher, can you go with that and maybe one of your names as a middle?

I think whatever you call him, as he gets older, the child will make his own decision about shortening/nicknames.

I have a Rupert and a Gabriel. You have good taste

Thanks @waitrose. I think you too have fabulous taste!

I’m continuing to add to my list and plan to use the waxonfeckoff technique when he arrives. I do wonder if it will all seem like less of a big deal to both of us when he’s here.

Oh do I have a patent on that now? :o

If it helps, I found that seeing all the names out together on a list meant that I actually crossed off some of my own as did DH and we ended up with one choice each left that were so similar it was easy to compromise. If he doesn't add to his list then by the time you veto all his choices then you'll only have your own to pick from....surely he'll be bright enough to realise that and maybe add some others that you might like.

Please, please not Wilfred or Felix op!!

I work in a primary school and thought I was used to most of the names that you see nowadays, but these two are truly awful.

I think I'd probably play the 'I compromised last time it's time for you to compromise'

How about
Samuel
Solomon
Cain
All biblical names

I also like
Asher
Asa
Cassius
Atticus
Tiberius

@wax.

@cambionome

I fear you’re in for an unpleasant surprise in a few years time, when the baby Felix and Wilfreds make it to primary school age... I know one toddler Felix and two baby / toddler Wilfreds in my small town. Felix even made it into the top 100 in 2016!

Love Solomon and Asher. Shall add to my list (dh has said no to both in the past, but I’m disregarding all prior discussions till the baby’s here)!

I know a little Wilfred who is called Red. It suits him. I prefer Rowan.

Your DH's taste is so old-fashioned that he's the wacky one!

I think you should buy a copy each of the Daily Telegraph, Country Life and Horse and Hound and go through them listing every proper name (in both senses!) that you can find. Something will come up.

I agree OP, past vetoes are all game for the master list. The only concession I'd make is to not add anything that there was a very valid reason for saying no to such as the name of a former bully or particularly unpleasant memory. We all have some of those so that's fair.

Sylvester?

Asher was one of mine as was Constantine. One of the DS has Clement for a middle name which I also love and had he not have Clemency would have been on my list for DD.

DD got a name that was on our list but not the one we'd chosen. When we saw her i said 'i am not sure she's a Juno, she looks more like a x...' Thinking we'd cogitate on it a bit. Then i started getting texts saying welcome x. DH had immediately texted everyone without a final confirmation 'right this is the one' conversation. It's fine as i still love her name. But about 4 hrs later i looked at her and thought 'oh shit, i want Juno now'.

@Littlechocola brilliant idea - I've just tried this with 4yo DD and she's come up with Arya/Aria or something similar!

What's worrying me is she seemed to make it up but I'm wondering if all those game of thrones boxsets when she were little were being played too loudly.