About baby names and dh

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Dc2 is due in a week’s time. Dh and I have very different taste in names. He likes very classic names. I like what he thinks are unusual names, but what I think are actually pretty standard, just not AS classic as his choices.

For example, his favourites are:

James
Jack
Matthew
Lewis
Christopher

My favourites are:

Gabriel
Barnaby
Rupert
Wilfred
Felix
Milo

I’m sure everyone has their opinions on our respective lists, but these are our favourites.

So, I have been suggesting ‘compromise names’. Not my favourites, but more classic names which I can live with. For example:

• Christopher with Kit as a shortening - dh says he refuses to use the shortening Kit
• Miles with nn Milo
• Thomas
• Edward with nn Ted - dh said no way to Ted. I said fine, just Edward then with Ed / Eddie / whatever. He said no
• Marcus

He has rejected all of these suggestions.

With dc1, we were supposed to each choose a name, (I chose boy, he chose girl). Then, depending on what we had, (didn’t know sex till birth), we would use that name. But actually, now I think back, the name I “chose” wasn’t a favourite. It was a compromise name which I sort of liked but which dh also liked as he disliked all my favourites. His girl name was his absolute favourite girl name. I didn’t hate it, (he wouldn’t have used it if that was the case), but it was my least favourite of the names we were considering. We had a girl in the end, so used Dh’s favourite.

He then was really uncompromising about the middle name, (family name), which I didn’t like on its own. I wanted another name in between, as the vowel sound at the end of dd’s name and the start of the middle name run into each other. He said no.

I remember getting really upset about it when dd was about 10 months and asked dh if we could change her name to a longer version, (which I preferred), on the bc, but still call her the same, shorter name in day to day life. He said no and got upset himself that I wanted to change it.

Wibu to deliberately be as uncompromising as he is now? Am I being a childish dick if I do that?

I’m having a shit time this pregnancy, (not dh’s fault) and think that’s making me irrational about this. I’m doing that “I’m doing all the work here, so why don’t I get my favourite name” thing, (in my head only), which I realise is pretty childish. And actually he’s been amazingly supportive recently. Think I’m just very fed up.

I have a Milo so I’m a bit biased there. I do like Kit and I really like Wilfred, with Wilf as his day to Day name. Good luck

Is he like this about other important decisions?

Sorry @emma, I didn’t deliberately ignore you here.

Well, I suppose I was the one who suggested ttc dc1. This one was a little bit of a woops, so neither of us decided! We had talked about ttc another one soon though, so we weren’t being as careful as we should have been.

We’ve moved a lot with his work, but I’ve been happy enough to do that. The only occasion I can think of when he has been as stubborn as this was when we bought our house. He was extremely fussy, we spent a very long time finding somewhere he liked enough to put in an offer and actually, we’ve ended up in not my first choice of area.

What other big decisions have their been? Getting married... he proposed, but we’d been living together a year and we were pretty equal in decisions about the wedding.

*there

Bit off topic, but I am totally perplexed as to how Christopher can be shortened to Kit
Maybe I’ve been living under a stone but I’ve never heard of this before and Kit sounds nothing like Christopher!

Ah look up any famous Kit and I would bet most of them are Christopher on the BC. Eg, Kit Harrington from GoT. He’s a Christopher.

I think you might have been living under a stone lottie. MN has been wetting itself with excitement about Kit short for Christopher for years. I used to quite like it but not anymore :o

There are loads of "shortenings" that don't sound like the original names.

Pearl for Margaret
Sally for Sarah
and I know loads more but head is a blank :)

Ah okay...... interesting! Genuinely had never heard of this before!
Only Kits I can think of Are Mr Harrington and baby’s rooney!

Not heard of Sally or Pearl as nicknames either!

Wax
Yes, some are actually rather surprising :)

Peggy for Margaret, Nancy for Anne (and Annie), Kitty for Katherine (ok, that one is probably a bit more obvious...)

Jack short for John lottie?

I have taken that into consideration the ‘safe name’ thing and that’s why I suggested things like Thomas and Edward. I can’t think of any reason a Thomas would get bullied for his name. But he doesn’t like those, as he knows too many of them.

Op, I have a Tom. He is named Thomas on BC and was called Thomas until he was about 8/9 years old.. he hated it as some of his school friends always called him 'Thomas the Tank Engine' and I mean really hated it!
So he became Tom, mind you he was actually supposed to be called Tom from birth anyway (until MIL stuck her nose in but that's another story).
He's now late teens and still goes by Tom.

My DH and I agreed he would pick the girl's names and I'd pick the boy's names... we had 5 boys but to be fair I did compromise and didn't pick a couple of the names he hated - Alfie, Ben and I can't remember the others and we did actually end up agreeing on the chosen names.

Also I think Polly is a nn for Mary. Or is it Elizabeth? Something you wouldn’t think of anyway.

My Aunt Elizabeth was a Bunty and Margaret was Rita

I* have taken that into consideration the ‘safe name’ thing and that’s why I suggested things like Thomas and Edward. I can’t think of any reason a Thomas would get bullied for his name. But he doesn’t like those, as he knows too many of them.*

Sorry OP, that was supposed to be highlighted.

I have taken that into consideration the ‘safe name’ thing and that’s why I suggested things like Thomas and Edward. I can’t think of any reason a Thomas would get bullied for his name. But he doesn’t like those, as he knows too many of them.

Gosh... I am slow today

Polly could be Pauline, or Mary or Frances! Anything. Lots of nicknames have feck all to do with their actual names. Maud is short for Matilda, Daisy is short for Margaret, as is Peggy and Rita.

How about going for a name that has a “normal” short form, with a potentially more flamboyant longer form?

Ben - Could be short for Benjamin or Benedict
John/Jonathan
Harry/Henry/Harald
Al/Alan/Alastair

Other ideas:
Martin
Julian
Richard

Polly is a nn for Mary.

All these nic names that are all for the same name goes back to the days where there was less choice and partronimic naming was common so it was usual to have two or there Johns or Williams or Roberts or Catherines or Margarets or Elizabeths. You needed ways of knowing which one was which other than big John, and wee john so you'd have Bob, Bobby, Rob and Robert and Eliza and beth and Liz and Bunty etc

Wax...... yes, I know a few Jack / Johns!

Gabriel was on our list if DD was a boy but we vetoed it because it was too common! My cousin has one and there are a few round the toddler groups - It was 80th iirc. I do like it tho.

Valentine was one i was desperate for either of my boys to be but DH vetoed because he works with one. I still love it.

I also love Jude but DH didn't.

DH suggested Ender

Daisy is for Margaret because of marguerite daisy, I think.

Molly is for Mary, Dolly for Dorothy & therefore Polly for either!

I don't get the bullyin. I've only ever met one person teased using her name and she was the one who made an issue of it by introducing herself the first day of school as 'Jodie...pronounced like Odie from Garfield'. Tthere was a girl called Kameljit who escaped unscathed too! I know 2 Ptolomys and a Cesarion and they haven't been bullied.

Maybe you could say DC should be a name from your list, as he chose DC1, but he gets to choose which one?

I do think it sounds like you are being a bit emotional about this, but then, so is he. And I don't think that's a bad or surprising thing. You're about to have a child. You've had a shit pregnancy with an older child to deal with too. You've got all the nerves and hormones associated with pregnancy. And names are an emotional thing - they aren't something you choose rationally. And not having a name must be tied into that whole 'Oh crap, second child, and I'm not ready! We must be ready!' emotional turmoil.

He sounds like a good guy, he just feels strongly about what his kid is going to be called. As do you. That's totally normal.

TBH though, I think this decision will be a lot easier once DC is actually here. They do just look like certain names and not like others. Maybe you'll discover he looks like none of the names on either of your lists and is so obviously a Thomas that the problem will go away.

Good luck!

(My DH said Kit was a baby ferret and Keir would go through life being called Queer Keir. So I feel your pain.)