About baby names and dh

[FuckOffDailyMailFools]

Dc2 is due in a week’s time. Dh and I have very different taste in names. He likes very classic names. I like what he thinks are unusual names, but what I think are actually pretty standard, just not AS classic as his choices.

For example, his favourites are:

James
Jack
Matthew
Lewis
Christopher

My favourites are:

Gabriel
Barnaby
Rupert
Wilfred
Felix
Milo

I’m sure everyone has their opinions on our respective lists, but these are our favourites.

So, I have been suggesting ‘compromise names’. Not my favourites, but more classic names which I can live with. For example:

• Christopher with Kit as a shortening - dh says he refuses to use the shortening Kit
• Miles with nn Milo
• Thomas
• Edward with nn Ted - dh said no way to Ted. I said fine, just Edward then with Ed / Eddie / whatever. He said no
• Marcus

He has rejected all of these suggestions.

With dc1, we were supposed to each choose a name, (I chose boy, he chose girl). Then, depending on what we had, (didn’t know sex till birth), we would use that name. But actually, now I think back, the name I “chose” wasn’t a favourite. It was a compromise name which I sort of liked but which dh also liked as he disliked all my favourites. His girl name was his absolute favourite girl name. I didn’t hate it, (he wouldn’t have used it if that was the case), but it was my least favourite of the names we were considering. We had a girl in the end, so used Dh’s favourite.

He then was really uncompromising about the middle name, (family name), which I didn’t like on its own. I wanted another name in between, as the vowel sound at the end of dd’s name and the start of the middle name run into each other. He said no.

I remember getting really upset about it when dd was about 10 months and asked dh if we could change her name to a longer version, (which I preferred), on the bc, but still call her the same, shorter name in day to day life. He said no and got upset himself that I wanted to change it.

Wibu to deliberately be as uncompromising as he is now? Am I being a childish dick if I do that?

I’m having a shit time this pregnancy, (not dh’s fault) and think that’s making me irrational about this. I’m doing that “I’m doing all the work here, so why don’t I get my favourite name” thing, (in my head only), which I realise is pretty childish. And actually he’s been amazingly supportive recently. Think I’m just very fed up.

I also think you need to disallow any of the stupid reasons he's coming up with.

My parents wanted my older sister to have my name, but a different girl in the small rural village was named that a month or two earlier so they skipped it.

Lord knows where in the world that other girl is now! There's no connection, they aren't related,and it makes did all difference to either of them what their names are.

Jude
Seth
Harvey
Rafe

Sorry OP it's so hard as names are so personal.

I like the thing on nameberry where you put in names you like and it gives other suggestions - nameHunter I think it's called.

If he's worried regular names are 'out there' could you show him Dark Greener names website which shows how many of any name is given year on year and shows rises and falls in England and Wales. This was an invaluable tool for me in naming my younger two.

“The only occasion I can think of when he has been as stubborn as this was when we bought our house. He was extremely fussy, we spent a very long time finding somewhere he liked enough to put in an offer and actually, we’ve ended up in not my first choice of area.”

Very similar behaviour then

For context, what's the problem with the pronunciation of your older child's name in your area? If it's Theo pronounced Feo, for instance, you'll come up against the same problem with Maffew.

My DP will sometimes stonewall like that. On the plus side, when pinned to a wall, we can normally have a reasonable conversation about the options. That's how I got him to fall in love with our current house, which I really wanted us to buy .

On names, we ended up going for a name which we both liked but neither of us loved. We'd whittled down a very extensive longlist, each reserving the right of veto, to three names, of which we each had a clear favourite. Once he was born, we decided the one we both liked (rather than either of the clear favourites which the other also liked) was actually his name. That surprised me but, much as I loved my favourite, it just wasn't his name. So you might "know" when you see your baby.

We actually used DP's preferred name as an additional middle name, which I was happy with because I like it better as a middle name.

Ultimately YANBU and I think you should get final say, although ideally it should be a name you can both live with. But it's difficult to be fair and have a reasonable conversation with someone who is a stonewaller.

I take it you can't pick the first name and him the middle name? Felix James would be lovely, or Felix Christopher not that I was barred from using Felix, oh no. Or Gabriel Matthew....

I have a Logan Joseph and a Jenson Alexander. Probably the one of the unusual names in their school. Lots of more traditional names like James, Thomas, Ben, Ryan around here

We moved and found that we'd named our DC after roundabouts in our new area.

My elder DS was bullied at school but never for his name - it's not really a thing as many many kids have unusual names and DC don't know what is unusual and what isn't. As long as it isn't Shitward or Poobert I think you'll be fine. DS had a girl in his class called Santa and aside from questioning whether it was spelled just the same as santa, no-one batted an eyelid.

Our favourites when pregnant were Harvey, Harley, Harrison, Jackson, Leo, Brody

@dodo

Thankfully, it’s not our dd’s name which I don’t like in local accent, it’s the name we’d picked for dd should she have been a boy! I hear it a lot here and it just doesn’t sound nice to my ear. My own accent massacres some names, so I’m not being unkind to local accent. It’s just that name in local accent which I don’t like.

Thanks all. I think I’ll keep adding every name I like to my list and we’ll go through it when he arrives.

What we did OP was to write both our choices in one big list and just passed it back and forward until we were left with a couple to choose from.

We passed it back and forward scoring a name off each time if that wasn't clear!

Thanks @wax.

And which did you choose in the end? Shitward or Poobert?

Might try that. Keep imagining dh not being able to be at hospital much this time though, due to dd. She has nursery some days though. And we can always name him at home.

Move to our area, OP, and watch your DH faint at some of the names.

My DH, who had no idea that name fashions had moved on from the 70s, looked blankly at the toddler coat rail and commented 'Why are they all called Ariana and Noah and Caleb and Rafferty? Where did all the Sarahs and Mikes go?'

I gave birth three times and I picked the names. Dh vetoed a couple he really didn't like and after that it was up to me. I did the work, I picked the names. As pp said he got his choice for dc 1, you should get your pick this time. He sounds very unwilling to uncompromise tbh.

I think our DHs might be cut from the same cloth @dodo! Dh cannot get his head round Noah being popular. I’ve told him to join mumsnet, but so far he hasn’t.

I don't know... it does sound like you've put your wishes second to your husband's an awful lot, but your names really are terrible. I would also dig my heels in before a baby of mine was called any of them.

I think you need to find a name you can both be happy with, even if it's neither of your favourites. This is what should have happened the first time around.

Mumsnet being the main source of my pre-baby, baby naming info !

@dailymail

I love your name though. Can’t you find a little room in your heart for Felix or Gabriel ?

Your name is wonderful too, OP!

I gave birth three times and I picked the names. Dh vetoed a couple he really didn't like and after that it was up to me. I did the work, I picked the names. As pp said he got his choice for dc 1, you should get your pick this time. He sounds very unwilling to uncompromise tbh.

Absolutely agree with this. And seeing as my DH also insisted on using his surnames we decided that I’d get to pick the first and the middle names.
But DH was obviously allowed to veto first names he genuinely hated or thought wouldn’t work in the UK. But even if he didn’t veto them, I wouldn’t have wanted to use a name like that... He (luckily ) vetoed Flurina and Flurin.

We've been having a similar issue. Boys' names are so hard! Luckily have lots of time.

The app BabyName has been quite good, same principle, pick from a list, but it goes on forever and there are tons of names on there so worth a shot maybe. We've found a couple of surprising matches. It does have more girl than boy names so make sure you set it to boys only. And I hate 99% of them! DH hates about 90%. We have managed to find a few in common. He normally hates my suggestions and vice versa.

DS1 wasn't named for 3 days. We ended up picking his name from the graduate announcements in the papers.

poor Ds2 didn't have a name for a week and a half given that we decided not to waste our time before he was born as we didn't use any of the names we'd had for DS1. Add to that that there are only 13 months between them and I had 2 sections then you can imagine how we got to scoring names of a list. Not much in the way of internet back then either.

Agree it’s your turn to have the final say this time. (Surely being the one having to give birth entitles you to the casting vote at least once )

My (possibly compromise) suggestions:

Lucas (definitely a boy's name, bit like Lewis on his list)
Samuel (possibly too plain for you?)
Ben (just a cute boy's name)
Toby (")
Isaac (classical but very slightly unusual)