About baby names and dh

[FuckOffDailyMailFools]

Dc2 is due in a week’s time. Dh and I have very different taste in names. He likes very classic names. I like what he thinks are unusual names, but what I think are actually pretty standard, just not AS classic as his choices.

For example, his favourites are:

James
Jack
Matthew
Lewis
Christopher

My favourites are:

Gabriel
Barnaby
Rupert
Wilfred
Felix
Milo

I’m sure everyone has their opinions on our respective lists, but these are our favourites.

So, I have been suggesting ‘compromise names’. Not my favourites, but more classic names which I can live with. For example:

• Christopher with Kit as a shortening - dh says he refuses to use the shortening Kit
• Miles with nn Milo
• Thomas
• Edward with nn Ted - dh said no way to Ted. I said fine, just Edward then with Ed / Eddie / whatever. He said no
• Marcus

He has rejected all of these suggestions.

With dc1, we were supposed to each choose a name, (I chose boy, he chose girl). Then, depending on what we had, (didn’t know sex till birth), we would use that name. But actually, now I think back, the name I “chose” wasn’t a favourite. It was a compromise name which I sort of liked but which dh also liked as he disliked all my favourites. His girl name was his absolute favourite girl name. I didn’t hate it, (he wouldn’t have used it if that was the case), but it was my least favourite of the names we were considering. We had a girl in the end, so used Dh’s favourite.

He then was really uncompromising about the middle name, (family name), which I didn’t like on its own. I wanted another name in between, as the vowel sound at the end of dd’s name and the start of the middle name run into each other. He said no.

I remember getting really upset about it when dd was about 10 months and asked dh if we could change her name to a longer version, (which I preferred), on the bc, but still call her the same, shorter name in day to day life. He said no and got upset himself that I wanted to change it.

Wibu to deliberately be as uncompromising as he is now? Am I being a childish dick if I do that?

I’m having a shit time this pregnancy, (not dh’s fault) and think that’s making me irrational about this. I’m doing that “I’m doing all the work here, so why don’t I get my favourite name” thing, (in my head only), which I realise is pretty childish. And actually he’s been amazingly supportive recently. Think I’m just very fed up.

He chose the last one, you choose this one. Seems easy enough to me.

You really can't come to a genuine compromise? As in something you are both happy with?

It's such an important thing?

Although sounds like you are way too used to compromising OP?

Is DC2 definitely a boy? Is the deal you get to choose as he chose for DD? Just pick what you like if so. Personally I’ve never understood the idea of one person picking a boys name and the other picking a girls, but it’s done now, so I think you should probably just chose your favourite! My DH kept calling our newborn DD his favourite girls’ name in theatre after her birth, I very clearly said ‘no that’s not her name, let’s keep thinking about it’ and she ended up with a different name. I didn’t mind DH’s top choice but it wasn’t my favourite. Don’t be pressured into choosing another name you don’t like!

You need to find a way to compromise. Or you could just say, well you chose the last baby name so I'm choosing this one.

Try www.namedtogether.com/

You both pick names from which ever list you choose and it'll tell you which names you both picked. It might help.

Thanks both.

Yes, I wanted to do that tbh @crunchy, but my favourite very classic names have already been suggested to him and he doesn’t like them. That really only leaves names we both dislike which seems a stupid choice. I dislike his favourites and he dislikes mine but we actually agree on loads which we both dislike or don’t want for whatever reason.

I am starting to get a bit ‘woe is me’ here and thinking of all the things I’ve had to compromise on, but actually we both make compromises, if I’m honest with myself about it. Which I guess is as it should be.

Maybe I’m blowing the name thing out of proportion as I’m generally fed up.

@Jasey

We tried that - he picked one name (Jack). I picked loads, (none of which were Jack).

I like your choices far better!

Could one of you pick your child's first name and one of you pick your child's middle name? That seems like a nice compromise :)

Or, with that scenario, would it be a situation where neither of you would really like the name that the other has chosen?

How old is your dd? Let her choose

I prefer your husbands choice tbh but that’s not important here.
I’m sure you can find a name you both like as a compromise.

I take it even though your DH chose your DC1s name you were still happy with it, even though it wouldn’t have been your first choice?

I don’t think it’s fair for the OP to tell her husband that she gets to name the baby’s and then he hates his sons name! Keep working to find something that is acceptable to
You both!

We had something similar. DH (being DH) picked one name and then wouldn't budge. I came up with 100s of names and he vetoed them all. It was like an elaborate game of rumpelstiltskin. I asked him to suggest other names and he said no, he had already said the one he wanted and it wasn't up to him to think of another, it was up to me to think of one he liked more

The name he wanted was Victor. (apologies to any Victors, but it's not really a tiny baby name! ) We didn't end up with Victor. We had to go completely off piste to find a compromise.

Is he interested in history, art, science, archeology, classics, religions? Anything which he's like from them?

With my youngest DH said no to every name I came up with. Every single one. Yet didn't suggest any himself despite me asking. I went through the names book and he still had no ideas.

Baby was born, still no name, still no suggestion from him. In the end I said I'm calling him my favourite name from the list, tough. And I did.

And it's one of the names on your list.

He chose last time, you choose this time.

I'm a bit confused, as from what I understand, you had a boy's name that you could both accept last time, but you didn't end up using it because you had a girl. If you're having a boy this time, can't you just use the name you agreed on previously?

He hasn’t said anything much other than “no” to my favourites, so I don’t know if he hates them, so much as he’s just not in love with them, but speaking for myself, I strongly dislike his favourites. They’re all fine, inoffensive names and I know a few of each of them, of various ages, but I really don’t want to name my baby any of them. I’m pretty adamant about that.

I think we need to find a compromise name too, but so far he’s said no to all of those too. There are a few names, which I think are more DH’s style than mine, (very classic), eg. Edward, Marcus and Thomas, but he doesn’t like them. He has just said no to them, as he has said no to my favourites. So it’s boiling down to either one of our favourites, (which one of us won’t like), or one which we both find inoffensive, so a name which neither of us actually likes.

@thepants

We’ve moved area since we had dd and I hate our chosen boy name in the accents here.

If he chose the last name I’d definitely have final say on this one. When you say ‘you won’t accept any name you don’t think is great or any compromise, you think I however should accept a name I don’t think is great though. Why - am I less of a parent to this child? Are you more important? I wish I had gone ahead and changed dc1 name, if I end up as unhappy about this one as I was about the last name I will change it this time. You don’t get to call all the shots.

I haven’t changed my last name so giving dc dhs last name is my compromise

I meant, what is his response to you saying this?

I have a fussy husband too, who refuses to entertain any girl names other than Lucy. I like it, but I don’t love it. I’m letting him think he’s won this one. I plan on calling her Lulu.

Why not wait and see what the baby looks like? Might really suit James, or Milo....

Compromising is the sensible, grown up way to approach things when different tastes collide. Shame you're the only one willing to do the compromising though...

@mrskoala

He loves sport, but won’t name ds anything after a sportsperson as (and this is something I find really irksome), he says our boy will be “like him” and then says something horrible about himself being boring and nerdy. I could cry. He isn’t boring at all. He’s actually extremely talented and extraordinary in his field of work etc. It’s bad enough him saying that about himself, but don’t say it about our baby who hasn’t even been born yet.

I’m possibly too emotional atm. I think it’s meant to be a joke.

I'd just say I don't like any of yours. I've come up with alternatives that you don't like, so now it's your turn. Be a bit uncompromising back. It's not just up to you to come up with names for his approval. We were in a similar position. We didn't end up naming him until 10 days after he was born. A name my mum hated

Yeah, it's totally fine if the baby is nameless for a week or two. Don't feel it's imperative for him to be named on day one.

He picked the last one, you get to pick this one.

You were willing to compromise but he wasn’t / isn’t... so no, YANBU at all.

Do the children have his surname? If yes: it’s imo rather normal to let you pick a middle name that honors your part of the family...

I quite like some of yours but feel the need to point out that his choices are REALLY popular. Your DS would almost certainly not be the only James in the class but would end up with either a nickname or the initial of your surname e.g. James M, James P. Would he like that for his child?