To really dislike ex's girlfriend for trying to meddle and harm my daughters?

[CantBringMeDown]

ExH pays a larger amount of maintenance than most, but it's still "only"the set legal amount.
We have 2 dcs (dd11 months and dd 4.5yr old) he has 11 month old dd one full day including night then one evening and one day time.
He picks older dd up from school, takes her for dinner or to his home until 4:30/5pm then brings her home. This happens 1-3x a week dependent on his ability due to his very tough work schedule.
He also has older dd the same night as younger dd.
we both try to be flexible and coparent wonderfully.
A few weeks ago oldest dd started being very nervous whenever ex would try to buy her anything, she started scouring menus for the cheapest item and stopped asking for little things whenever she went into shops with ex - nothing major just the usual sweet or magazine she'd want. Ex asked if I'd said anything to her I truthfully said no. It's now come to light that, when ex left the girls with his GF she had a screaming fit at them (unsure how the youngest would've understood it but she had been very restless for a few days after) this has really effected eldest DD.
the gf said things like "your slut of a mother takes his fucking money every week! I can't fucking stand how irritating you are. Do you know how much you cost us?!"
I'm so angry and I really dislike the GF now. I don't know how ex plans to deal with it but would I be unreasonable to say she can never have the girls without being supervised by ex or someone else and ask him to limit their contact with her?
For further info, he's a high earner, she's a shop assistant. They don't live together. It's not like it's coming out of joint money. It's his money and we're happy with how things are. He has no idea why she has done this but I haven't been able to talk to him properly about a resolution yet.

YABU to just "dislike" her, seriously...

I really hope he dumps her, she sounds like someone who would make your life and your children's life hell op. Hope you get it sorted

She sounds emotionally abusive. If dealing with it isn’t dumping her, then I would ask that she doesn’t have contact with them. He sounds reasonable, surely he can’t see that losing it with a 4 year old is a normal acceptable thing to do.

This really didn't happen
Oh good grief. Report the thread if you don't believe it.
My 4yo would certainly have been able to report the gist of what was shouted at him, and was scouring the menu and working out numbers at that age because he was obsessed with them.
OP, what an awful thing to happen. I'd be raging in your shoes. I hope your ex puts a stop to it asap.
Any partner of mine who spoke to my DC like that would be gone without a moment's thought.

So fed up on troll hunting on every other thread now. Hopefully MNHQ Can come on the thread and get them to stop. More action needs to be taken against troll hunters. It is become ridiculous.

If you truly believe someone is not telling the truth, report the thread and move on. No need to post. It's just goading and wanting to be THE ONE to find a 'troll.'

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FWIW I work with almost 100 eyfs aged children. There are many who can tell you full conversations about what other people have said, several can do it word for word. Believe me, you get to find out a lot from some young children, even when not asked for it.

Similarly many know that 2 is more than 1, in terms of number value. I fact by this stage on the year, a term in, more can do this within 10 than can't. And several can read to varying levels, some can read exceptionally we;l for their age. Reading a menu isn't that big a challenge for several 4 year olds I know.

OP - I have no reason to not believe you and I'm happy to take your posts at face value at this time. I would wait and see what your ex says when you speak to him. Then take it from there.

Troll hunters should be banned.

I really don't get why some posters are so obsessed with troll hunting, it just spoils discussions on MN, there are far too many of them.

I can’t believe your ex is still with her?
But I’m surprised your 4 year old could recall the whole of that

For goodness sake, the fact is the GF admitted she'd lost it, why wouldn't you believe it? Believe me, my DD2 could definitely have remembered that when she was 4. It's just a case of quoting verbatim, she wouldn't have known the meaning of the actual words.

But I’m surprised your 4 year old could recall the whole of that

Even having read a lot of people saying that they can remember word-for-word things that happened when they were that age and younger. Have you never heard of children having different abilities?

Have you never heard of children having different abilities? Exactly, just because 1 child may not have been able to recall a conversation at 3/4 yrs old doesn't mean another cannot. Good luck op

My mum prided herself on me being able to read basic words before I started school, I could count to 100, was able to do very basic sums because she taught me (and later DBro). Mum did and does not believe she is clever, just that she was doing something she felt was right.

I taught my DCs basics at a similar age. DS in particular was and is very good with his maths, and did indeed use menus to work on his numbers off his own bat when little. Of the two, DD would have been more likely to recall something like this in these circumstances, even if she didn't understand the works.

So this 4.5 yr old does not strike me as unusual in remembering a conversation where she was shouted at and scared, or that she'd be looking at menu pricing.

OP, I hope your discussions with your Ex go well.

I think some people are reacting to this as if it were a stealth boast, and feeling threatened/defensive...

Hope it all went well OP. If he has any sense he'll kick her to the kerb.

@Coyoacan Erm, did I say that I didn’t believe her? I actially said I was surprised her OH was still with her and I’m surprised her kid could recall it, hence why people are having the reactions they are. My son was doing high school work in year 1, so I understand different abilities - he still wouldn’t copy something word for word though, it still surprises me that somebody could.

I have no clue why tf I’m explaining myself to somebody who just made a bitchy comment. Go jump up somebody else’s arse or get a hobby

Wow...please take steps to make sure the GF has zero contact with your DC. If she’s capable of that and resentful and weird enough to say that shit about the vouchers then god knows what she’s capable of! She’s not to be trusted with them. If he doesn’t agree then if it was me I’d see a solicitor about what can be done. The GF verbally abused your DC. That is not ok.

My 4 year old can repeat sentences word for word, even when she doesn't know what the words mean. She can also do it when you think she's not listening. She also knows that something that costs £3odd is more expensive that something at £1odd - she knows if she has £5 she can by two £1odd things, so I can totally see the looking for something cheaper on a menu.

I wouldn't want her anywhere near the children again. I'd also want their Dad to be sitting down with you and him explaining that you don't take all his money and that he doesn't mind at all buying them things.

My dd could have repeated that at 4. She would have understood the numbers too. My ds probably wouldn't have been able to repeat that at 4. Kids are all different. The gf sounds like a psycho op. I wouldn't leave the DC with her again.

My 4 year old DD could have repeated that. And my son couldn't. My ex DH lost his job when DD was 4 and I was obviously stressed about money which I tried to hide and DD chose the cheapest ice cream so it's totally feasible.

All went well and exh is now happily single.
I'd write more but cba dealing with the troll hunters again.
I'll reiterate for the troll hunters at the back
if you have concerns about any posts then report them to MNHQ, thanks!.
Just wanted to give a bit of an update to those who haven't been trying to burn me at the stake for being a "troll"!

Will say that I'm suitably put off posting ever again... now I'll go back to dealing with a very grouchy unsleepy child

Well done to your ex for putting his children first.

Thank you for your update Cant.
Sorry about the trolls - it does take the shine off