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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrible argument, am I being childish or is this something to be concerned about?

309 replies

Mulch · 08/01/2018 08:27

Sorry this may be long winded. Agreed with oh that I will go gym in morning, he'll drop lo off at nursery. Wanted me to get him dressed and ready, got all his stuff out night before. I don't drive he does, its 5mins in car for him 1.5hr for me to drop off and get to work.

Sooo I go gym, him and baby are both asleep. Other half is self employed so comes and goes as he pleases. Night before said he wants to be gone for 7:30. As they're both asleep at 6:50 I just leave. At gym get an angry phone call saying he's leaving soon as I get in, very angry I didn't get him ready.

In the evening I'll be spending 1.5 picking him up and doing his bath, also all the household stuff and my uni work.

He's really angry, I got back just before 8 from gym so would literally not have time to get baby to nursery and work whereas is takes him 5mins. The amount of time he spend arguing on phone he could have got him ready, its just a matter of getting him dressed and in car. This is the only child care he's doing today.

My reaction probably wasn't ideal. I stood in front of door to stop him going, he tries to push me out way. He then says ok get him ready and I'll take him but jumps in car to leave....I then sit in passenger seat and he drives off while we argue leaving baby alone in the house with the door open.

I'm crying telling him his reaction isn't normal, he went round the block but it was scary thinking what could have happened. I know I shouldn't have jumped in car with him but I was really mad that it was all being left to me and I'll never make it to work on time whereas it takes him 5mins and that's the only child related care he's doing that day

I think his realised he was behaving ott so then sat and waited while I got baby ready. It was a horrible argument.

OP posts:
Shineystrawberrylover · 08/01/2018 08:30

You sound like a toxic pairing that need to sort it out for the sake of the child being ignored in your power games.

honeysucklejasmine · 08/01/2018 08:32

This is not normal.

marypopping · 08/01/2018 08:33

You both behaved like children and put your own needs first.

Even as a once off in the heat if the moment, it's not good enough.

BattleCuntGalactica · 08/01/2018 08:33

I then sit in passenger seat and he drives off while we argue leaving baby alone in the house with the door open.

The both of you should be utterly ashamed of yourselves. That was like reading an episode of Shameless.

CrumpettyTree · 08/01/2018 08:33

Of course he should have got the baby dressed and driving off is ridiculous

Waitingonasmile · 08/01/2018 08:34

How old are you both? You both put your baby at risk because of your actions. Seek help/counselling!

twinone · 08/01/2018 08:35

If you knew he wanted to be away by 7:30, why not wake him at 6:50 when you left.

As for yours and his reactions, one of you needs to act like an adult. Leaving your ds in the house with the door open is not ideal.
Grow up, both of you, would be my advice.

C0untDucku1a · 08/01/2018 08:35

Leave him. He is a lazy shit parent and bully.

SandSnakeofDorne · 08/01/2018 08:35

That’s really beyond normal arguments, as you know. The fact that you were both so angry that you left the baby alone is quite scary. Has anything like this happened before?

Pengggwn · 08/01/2018 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nctothisfornow · 08/01/2018 08:36

That just sounds pathetically dangerous.

Yabu - you agreed to get your dc ready this morning. This morning comes around and you change your mind and then go on like a spoilt brat.
Your partner is no better to be fair.
Innocent child in the middle of all of this.
The both of you need to give your heads a shake

Linguini · 08/01/2018 08:36

He should have got the baby dressed himself, WTF is wrong with him?

Rosielily · 08/01/2018 08:36

Night before said he wants to be gone for 7:30. As they're both asleep at 6:50 I just leave. At gym get an angry phone call saying he's leaving soon as I get in, very angry I didn't get him ready.

Why didn't you wake him and get your son ready?

Lifeisbeautiful2 · 08/01/2018 08:37

There are two children in this scenario, and that doesn’t include the baby.

Original poster
Mulch · 08/01/2018 08:37

Yea I know it's awful I feel horribly guilty and a shit mum

OP posts:
Linguini · 08/01/2018 08:37

YANBU but your response was terrible.

Chathamhouserules · 08/01/2018 08:37

Why couldn't he get baby ready? What's wrong with him? Millions of men do it every day.
But sounds like you need a serious chat to avoid this sort of thing happening again. Lay out your expectations of each other and try and reach agreement. You'll have to try and keep your tempers and if either of you start getting angry, agree to take time out and reconvene when you're calm. You both have to act like grown ups now.

Coastalcommand · 08/01/2018 08:38

If you hadn’t gone to the gym you’d have had time to get the baby ready togetger and maybe have a bit of breakfast together to start your day.
My LO certainly takes longer than five minutes to get ready to go out in the morning.

Linguini · 08/01/2018 08:38

Rosie why couldn't HE get the child ready?

CrumpettyTree · 08/01/2018 08:39

He sees the baby as not his job at all by the sound of it

moreofaslummythanyummy · 08/01/2018 08:39

Wtf I feel like there is a lot more of a back story .
In this instance winning the argument was more important than the well being of the child !
You were both in the wrong , you could have woken him and asked if he still needed to be off early, before going to the gym ? He could have just got the baby ready, you sound like children .

DivisionBelle · 08/01/2018 08:40

Umm, since he said he needed to be out by 7.30 and asked you to do all the getting ready (as you were going to gym) why on EARTH didn’t you wake him early enough? When you were up?

Unacceptable horrible behaviour from him. Ridiculous of you, Both if you put your child at risk.

It sounds as if you have too much going on on a Monday morning for gym, jobs, nursery drop off etc.

It isn’t his fault you can’t drive.

Pushing you; v bad.

Sort it out, like adults. Each look at where you went wrong, rather than where the other went wrong.

Pengggwn · 08/01/2018 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarthNigel · 08/01/2018 08:40

It sounds like a situation in which you got so angry that you lost the ability to think rationally. Probably a build up of things like this happening-because of course he should have got the kid ready and taken him to nursery and the division of labour is unfair.
But that needs to be addressed rationally and you can't let yourself be out of control like that when you have a baby you are responsible for.
I'm not judging at all. I used to get so so upset and angry with then dh when the DD's were tiny, because i was exhausted and very resentful that his life carried on unaffected seemingly whilst mine was thrown in the air and I was struggling. I see how you got to this point.
You need to sit and calmly say to your h, that he needs to help more and plan your weeks activities and child care in advance if needed. Would he be amenable to that?

waterfall0119 · 08/01/2018 08:41

He was ridiculous, he shouldn’t have agreed to you going to the gym if he was going to go back on it. Massive overreaction especially since he is self employed. If he was leaving at 7:30 and asleep at 6:50 though I would probably have woke him up and / or left the gym because I had promised to go get the baby ready.

I was totally on your side until I read the bit about getting in the car without the baby! And him driving off and leaving a baby in a house unattended with the door open! You didn’t say if he was walking age or not but either way this is such a negligent thing to do ESPECIALLY from the driver what if he left the house or someone came in?? Doesn’t bear thinking about. Your partner ought to be ashamed for driving off, and you need to stop making rash decisions during arguments like getting in the car without the child! He is your priority before your OH and before the immediate need of wanting to thrash out a row.

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